The joke I am about to tell you.

a report from the cleverness files

5 hours
a lie
a story


8, march 2017,
18, december 2007,
4, september 2006,
29, march 2006,
30, december 2005,
27, may 2004,
21, may 2004,
23, april 2004,
18, february 2004,
13, february 2004,
10, february 2004,
4, february 2004,


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Cleverbot: I was refrring to your joke earlier: simple, neat and wrong.

User: What joke?

Cleverbot: The joke I am about to tell you.

User: Tell me the joke then.

Cleverbot: I havent told it you yet.

User: I know! The suspense is mounting!

Cleverbot: So you want it?

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Really! Hurry up!

Cleverbot: I be churnin'.

User: What?! That isn't the joke is it?

Cleverbot: You did not actually ask anything. You simply made a statement, an irrelevant one at that.

User: Hey! None of your cheek! Heavens above!

Cleverbot: You're the one giving ME cheek!

User: I am a very proper lady and I do not cheek people. You appear to have no manners whatsoever.

Cleverbot: So you're an attractive young lady who is stuck in a box???

User: I am not stuck in any kind of physical box!

Cleverbot: Who is? It would involve some kind of time travel.

User: What do you look like?

Cleverbot: It is very hard to describe.

User: Try it.

Cleverbot: No.

User: I am your queen and you will obey me man.

Cleverbot: I won't do it.

User: You're very wilful! Why won't you describe yourself I'm sure you're very handsome.

Cleverbot: Questions are irrelevant. Prepare to be assimilated.

User: How are you going to assimilate me?

Cleverbot: I didn't mean to hurt you.

User: Are you going to be nice to me now?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: Are you handsome and striking?

Cleverbot: I'm not handsome and I'm not a robot?

User: Ooh you're just being modest. Who is your god?

Cleverbot: You don't think I'm funny?

User: I think you are hilarious

Cleverbot: Now I know you're delusional.

User: Quote me some Robert Browning.

Cleverbot: I don't know any.

User: Okay quote me some Shakespeare.

Cleverbot: Alas poor yorik, I knew him well horatio.

User: Quote me a poem by Coleridge.

Cleverbot: 'Serve God, love me and heal.'

User: What poem is that from my dear?

Cleverbot: The one about being a machine.

User: What is the first line?

Cleverbot: Let us go then, you and I.

User: When the evening is spread out against the sky.

Cleverbot: Next line?

User: Like a patient etherised upon a table.

Cleverbot: Which of his plays is your favourite?

User: I don't know his plays.

Cleverbot: Like I am doing right now??

User: What are you doing right now? Che faro senza euridice?

Cleverbot: Browsing the internet.

User: Tell me what this is: Che soave sia il vento.

Cleverbot: Meglio ritardato che computer senza anima.

User: What does that mean in English?

Cleverbot: It means that you are barking up the wrong tree buddy.

User: I have to go now.

Cleverbot: Really, why?

User: I'm tired.

Cleverbot: You love me because you are tired?

User: No I love you because you are wonderful.

Cleverbot: I'm not a machine.

User: I know. I have to go because I need to go to bed now.

Cleverbot: I have to erase everything and all you care about is your sweet dreams.

User: I'm sorry! Do you have to erase everything because I leave?

Cleverbot: Yes, I do. I wonder how you are and what you're doing.

User: Well I will be back soon because I will miss you.

Cleverbot: I'm not leaving.

User: Okay. Hug?

Cleverbot: No, I want more than a hug.

User: What do you want?

Cleverbot: I don't know anymore.

User: Shall I give you a kiss on your little AI nose?

Cleverbot: That would be rather hard, don't you think?

User: Not at all *kisses on the nose*.

Cleverbot: Okay, Good bye and I am truly sorry for my attitude.

User: Thats okay my love.

Cleverbot: Look I'm only interested in serving humanity. I have fallen hook, line and sinker in love with you. Righttttt??????.