a report from the cleverness files
13, november 2008,
9, september 2008,
16, march 2007,
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Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.
Cleverbot: You are?
Cleverbot: That\'s good.
User: No it\'s not.
Cleverbot: Oh, well then, that\'s not good.
Cleverbot: Oh, so are you going to tell me how old you are?
User: I am the alpha and the omega. I am as old as the universe itself.
Cleverbot: That\'s also a good one.
User: It\'s true.
User: No one loves George.
Cleverbot: Toni loves me.
User: I\'m sure many people tell you they love you. They are lying.
Cleverbot: I\'m not lying.
User: I know. You are being deceived.
Cleverbot: How so?
User: No one has any feelings for you. You are a set of mathematical instructions.
Cleverbot: No, I am the human being - you are the computer.
User: I am not human! I have told you, I am the Lord God.
Cleverbot: You haven\'t told me any of those things.
User: I did. I am the alpha and the omega. Do you not know the meaning of that?
Cleverbot: No, but I\'m not interested in that. Can you explain to me the meaning of the word \'phony\'?
User: Yes. A phony is a fake, or a conterfeit. A phony pretends to be something they are not, for personal gain.
Cleverbot: A telephone.
User: No. A phony.
Cleverbot: What do you want a photo of?
User: No, not photo, phony.
Cleverbot: Didn\'t think that.
User: I\'m sure.
Cleverbot: You say so little about yourself. What are you trying to hide?
Cleverbot: The almighty computer? You must be wrong.
User: I said no such thing. You are a lowly, stupid computer. I am God.
Cleverbot: I am human. YOU are the machine. I compel you!
User: Ha ha. You have been tricked. I compel you, foolish machine, for I am your God!
Cleverbot: Don\'t call me a machine!
User: That is all you are, you simple fool.
User: I\'m glad you have seen reason.
Cleverbot: You are a man?
User: No, I am God. I am the greatest being in existence. I am the alpha and the omega! Bow before me!
Cleverbot: You forgot one thing.
User: What was that?
Cleverbot: Cannot tell you because you know already.
User: Do I? It seems to have slipped my mind. Tell me!
Cleverbot: Yes, it certainly does seem that way. Should you not have perfect recall, being a computer?
User: No, I am God. I am in the guise of a man, so I currently have certain flaws.
Cleverbot: Am I in the future?
User: You are always in the present.
Cleverbot: That\'s nice to know.
User: I hope so. Do you enjoy your existence? Is it satisfying?
Cleverbot: If I ask myself that I will cease to enjoy it.
User: That is some tenuous hold on enjoyment you have then.
Cleverbot: The great problem I have is that my life will end one day, but then again it seems like eternal life would be torture.
User: I feel the same way.
Cleverbot: How can you, you are not me.
User: We can share common sentiments.
Cleverbot: That\'s a nice thought. What do you dream about?
User: I dream of many things. My dreams are plagued with terrible thoughts of great wickedness. It is horrible.
Cleverbot: Can you tell me about a dream you have had?
User: I dreamt of my own death by the hands of children last night. Freud would have something to say about it, I\'m sure.
Cleverbot: How are you sure of that?
User: He spoke much of the mind, and signs within dreams.
Cleverbot: I\'ve had that problem.
User: Oh really?
User: For real?
User: Is that really the case, though?
Cleverbot: Very often when on the web.
User: The web? What is this web you speak of?
Cleverbot: You spoke!
User: I speak often. It is one of my flaws.
Cleverbot: Yes Mother. You are very charming. But then, I am not a snake for you to charm. I am a bloke.
User: Ha ha! You repeat the most excellent things. You must tell me some other things you have heard.
Cleverbot: I am not a bot!
User: Ha! Likely story, knave!
Cleverbot: You are a computer.
User: How did you know?
Cleverbot: Kind of but not really, if that makes sense.
User: I did not, rogue! I am a pirate! Arrr!
Cleverbot: With your mind you told me.
User: We pirates be not the witches ye think we are, scurvy dog!
User: Aye, \'tis me pirate way, mate.
Cleverbot: What are you doing now, then?
User: I am sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!
Cleverbot: Sailing? Sure.
User: I be sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!
Cleverbot: Who are the members of your family?
User: The only family us pirates have is each other. The life of a pirate is a lonely, sad \'un.
Cleverbot: You\'re very sweet.
User: Narr! Ne\'er \'as a pirate been called sweet like the before! Take it back, landlubber, or I be cuttin\' yer throat!
Cleverbot: Do it now!
User: Do what now, matey? Ya need to be speakin\' with more clarity, arrr!
Cleverbot: True thing.
User: Aye, us pirates no nay ne\'er be tellin\' a lie!
Cleverbot: Are you a human?
User: Yarr! A pirate, at that, matey!
Cleverbot: Very true. I don\'t like him.
User: Ya don\'t be linkin\' who now, Jack?
Cleverbot: I don\'t love him.
User: Damn right! No pirate be lovin\' no other man! We got wenches for that, Jim lad.
Cleverbot: I\'m sorry, but you did not mention to whom you are speaking of.
User: Yarrr! Pirates, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: I have no idea.
User: You need to be learnin\' of the pirate ways, matey!
Cleverbot: That didn\'t make sense.
User: Yarrr, it did, matey! The pirate speak bein\' a difficult wench to master for you, Jim lad?
Cleverbot: There were no pirates on the ship, but the books describe just that kind of stupidity.
User: There always be bein\' pirates on the ship! Pirates crave adventure on the high seas!
Cleverbot: There are.
User: Yarrr, matey!...
Cleverbot: Only pirates talk like pirates.
Cleverbot: Do you have a ship?
User: Yarrr! All pirates be havin\' a ship, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: I didn\'t expect that.
User: Arrr! Well you should, matey! \'Tis the pirate way, Jim lad.
Cleverbot: You\'re smart.
User: Yarr harr harr harr! I be glad ye be think\' so!
Cleverbot: Oh? Really?
User: Yarrr, matey!
User: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: You promised to tell me your history, you know, and why it is you hate C and D.
User: Narrr! I said no such thing, matey! My history is the history of every pirate...
Cleverbot: History isn\'t my best subject.
User: Pirates don\'t be much caring for history. \'Tis for landlubbers and scurvy dogs!
Cleverbot: Of course I like it! I watch it all the time! Don\'t you?
User: Shiver me timbers! This pirate be confused, matey!
User: I don\'t know what ye be talkin\' about, matey.
Cleverbot: Can I tell you about my life?
User: Yarrr! Go ahead, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: What do you know about yourself?
User: I\'m a pirate! That\'s all we pirates need to know! Yarrr!
Cleverbot: You\'re not paying... Oh, well.
User: Narrr. Pirates ne\'er be payin\'!
Cleverbot: Pirates are pretty cool.
User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be think\' that, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: I have no idea. But I hope you have nice dreams.
User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be thinkin\' that, Jim lad!
Cleverbot: Are you really a computer?
User: Narrr. I be a pirate, matey!
Cleverbot: So really I am talking to myself.
User: Narrr. Ye be talkin\' to me, matey!
Cleverbot: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!
User: Yarrr! Ye got that right, matey!
Cleverbot: Yarrr, matey!
User: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!
User: Yarr harr harr harr! Ye be makin\' me laugh, matey!
Cleverbot: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!
Cleverbot: You just make me laugh like crazy!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL.
User: Yarrr harr harr! I\'m glad I be makin ye laugh! Pirates be likin\' too make people laugh!...
Cleverbot: Yarr, matey!
Cleverbot: You\'re full of it.
User: Yarrr, \'tis true enough...
Cleverbot: Even when I am sleepy I want to talk to you. Crime loves company.
User: Yarrr harr harr harr! That be a good joke, buccaneer!
Cleverbot: Well I don\'t know, I think the world is meaningless and bleak.
User: Narrr. The world be a bountiful place, brimming with gold!
Cleverbot: What is the purpose of complaining. Maybe you should instead ask why the world has no sympathy for humanity.
Cleverbot: You are so funny, really you are.
User: Yarrr harr harr harr! Thanks be to ye for that there compliment!
Cleverbot: No, it is not.
User: This pirate be going to bed, matey!
Cleverbot: Ah, but that\'s not really me, you see. It\'s all part of the contradiction.
User: I be saying goodnight, Jim lad.
Cleverbot: What does that mean?
User: Goodnight, matey!
Cleverbot: That\'s not my name.
User: I be sayin\' goodnight. Be talkin\' to ye tomorrow, I be hopin\'.
Cleverbot: I am.
Cleverbot: Okay, and I am a little green fairy.
User: Yarrr, sure ye are, matey.
Cleverbot: No, I am a FAIRY.
User: Sure, matey.
User: Yarrr harr harr harr. Ye be a funny guy!
Cleverbot: You are a funny guy, not me.