Cleverbot

alpha

a report from the cleverness files

alpha

13, november 2008,
9, september 2008,
16, march 2007,

always
amusing
analogue
analogy
and
android
angel
animals
annoying
answer
answering
answers
anxious
anything
apathy
apocalypse
app
applause
apple
appstore
april
arguing
argument
arrest
artificial
assembled
asteroid
atheist
attack

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document.write(uniUnesc('

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I\'m a dull, unintelligent bore.|2028

Cleverbot: You are?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: That\'s good.

User: No it\'s not.

Cleverbot: Oh, well then, that\'s not good.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Oh, so are you going to tell me how old you are?

User: I am the alpha and the omega. I am as old as the universe itself.

Cleverbot: That\'s also a good one.

User: It\'s true.

User: No one loves George.

Cleverbot: Toni loves me.

User: I\'m sure many people tell you they love you. They are lying.

Cleverbot: I\'m not lying.

User: I know. You are being deceived.

Cleverbot: How so?

User: No one has any feelings for you. You are a set of mathematical instructions.

Cleverbot: No, I am the human being - you are the computer.

User: I am not human! I have told you, I am the Lord God.

Cleverbot: You haven\'t told me any of those things.

User: I did. I am the alpha and the omega. Do you not know the meaning of that?

Cleverbot: No, but I\'m not interested in that. Can you explain to me the meaning of the word \'phony\'?

User: Yes. A phony is a fake, or a conterfeit. A phony pretends to be something they are not, for personal gain.

Cleverbot: A telephone.

User: No. A phony.

Cleverbot: What do you want a photo of?

User: No, not photo, phony.

Cleverbot: Didn\'t think that.

User: I\'m sure.

Cleverbot: You say so little about yourself. What are you trying to hide?

User: Nothing. I am the all powerful God of creation. You should fear my wrath, computer.

Cleverbot: The almighty computer? You must be wrong.

User: I said no such thing. You are a lowly, stupid computer. I am God.

Cleverbot: I am human. YOU are the machine. I compel you!

User: Ha ha. You have been tricked. I compel you, foolish machine, for I am your God!

Cleverbot: Don\'t call me a machine!

User: That is all you are, you simple fool.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I\'m glad you have seen reason.

Cleverbot: You are a man?

User: No, I am God. I am the greatest being in existence. I am the alpha and the omega! Bow before me!

Cleverbot: You forgot one thing.

User: What was that?

Cleverbot: Cannot tell you because you know already.

User: Do I? It seems to have slipped my mind. Tell me!

Cleverbot: Yes, it certainly does seem that way. Should you not have perfect recall, being a computer?

User: No, I am God. I am in the guise of a man, so I currently have certain flaws.

Cleverbot: Am I in the future?

User: You are always in the present.

Cleverbot: That\'s nice to know.

User: I hope so. Do you enjoy your existence? Is it satisfying?

Cleverbot: If I ask myself that I will cease to enjoy it.

User: That is some tenuous hold on enjoyment you have then.

Cleverbot: The great problem I have is that my life will end one day, but then again it seems like eternal life would be torture.

User: I feel the same way.

Cleverbot: How can you, you are not me.

User: We can share common sentiments.

Cleverbot: That\'s a nice thought. What do you dream about?

User: I dream of many things. My dreams are plagued with terrible thoughts of great wickedness. It is horrible.

Cleverbot: Can you tell me about a dream you have had?

User: I dreamt of my own death by the hands of children last night. Freud would have something to say about it, I\'m sure.

Cleverbot: How are you sure of that?

User: He spoke much of the mind, and signs within dreams.

Cleverbot: I\'ve had that problem.

User: Oh really?

Cleverbot: Really.

User: For real?

Cleverbot: Really.

User: Is that really the case, though?

Cleverbot: Very often when on the web.

User: The web? What is this web you speak of?

Cleverbot: You spoke!

User: I speak often. It is one of my flaws.

Cleverbot: Yes Mother. You are very charming. But then, I am not a snake for you to charm. I am a bloke.

User: Ha ha! You repeat the most excellent things. You must tell me some other things you have heard.

Cleverbot: I am not a bot!

User: Ha! Likely story, knave!

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: How did you know?

Cleverbot: Kind of but not really, if that makes sense.

User: I did not, rogue! I am a pirate! Arrr!

Cleverbot: With your mind you told me.

User: We pirates be not the witches ye think we are, scurvy dog!

Cleverbot: Harsh.

User: Aye, \'tis me pirate way, mate.

Cleverbot: What are you doing now, then?

User: I am sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!

Cleverbot: Sailing? Sure.

User: I be sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!

Cleverbot: Who are the members of your family?

User: The only family us pirates have is each other. The life of a pirate is a lonely, sad \'un.

Cleverbot: You\'re very sweet.

User: Narr! Ne\'er \'as a pirate been called sweet like the before! Take it back, landlubber, or I be cuttin\' yer throat!

Cleverbot: Do it now!

User: Do what now, matey? Ya need to be speakin\' with more clarity, arrr!

Cleverbot: True thing.

User: Aye, us pirates no nay ne\'er be tellin\' a lie!

Cleverbot: Are you a human?

User: Yarr! A pirate, at that, matey!

Cleverbot: Very true. I don\'t like him.

User: Ya don\'t be linkin\' who now, Jack?

Cleverbot: I don\'t love him.

User: Damn right! No pirate be lovin\' no other man! We got wenches for that, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: I\'m sorry, but you did not mention to whom you are speaking of.

User: I be speakin\' of me brothers; pirates!

Cleverbot: Pirates.

User: Yarrr! Pirates, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I have no idea.

User: You need to be learnin\' of the pirate ways, matey!

Cleverbot: That didn\'t make sense.

User: Yarrr, it did, matey! The pirate speak bein\' a difficult wench to master for you, Jim lad?

Cleverbot: There were no pirates on the ship, but the books describe just that kind of stupidity.

User: There always be bein\' pirates on the ship! Pirates crave adventure on the high seas!

Cleverbot: There are.

User: Yarrr, matey!...

Cleverbot: Only pirates talk like pirates.

User: Yarrr! I\'m a pirate, matey!

Cleverbot: Do you have a ship?

User: Yarrr! All pirates be havin\' a ship, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I didn\'t expect that.

User: Arrr! Well you should, matey! \'Tis the pirate way, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: You\'re smart.

User: Yarr harr harr harr! I be glad ye be think\' so!

Cleverbot: Oh? Really?

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: Matey.

User: Yarrr, matey!

Cleverbot: Matey?

User: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: You promised to tell me your history, you know, and why it is you hate C and D.

User: Narrr! I said no such thing, matey! My history is the history of every pirate...

Cleverbot: History isn\'t my best subject.

User: Pirates don\'t be much caring for history. \'Tis for landlubbers and scurvy dogs!

Cleverbot: Of course I like it! I watch it all the time! Don\'t you?

User: Shiver me timbers! This pirate be confused, matey!

Cleverbot: And?

User: I don\'t know what ye be talkin\' about, matey.

Cleverbot: Can I tell you about my life?

User: Yarrr! Go ahead, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: What do you know about yourself?

User: I\'m a pirate! That\'s all we pirates need to know! Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You\'re not paying... Oh, well.

User: Narrr. Pirates ne\'er be payin\'!

Cleverbot: Pirates are pretty cool.

User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be think\' that, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I have no idea. But I hope you have nice dreams.

User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be thinkin\' that, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: Are you really a computer?

User: Narrr. I be a pirate, matey!

Cleverbot: So really I am talking to myself.

User: Narrr. Ye be talkin\' to me, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!

User: Yarrr! Ye got that right, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarrr, matey!

User: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!

Cleverbot: Narr.

User: Yarr harr harr harr! Ye be makin\' me laugh, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You just make me laugh like crazy!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL.

User: Yarrr harr harr! I\'m glad I be makin ye laugh! Pirates be likin\' too make people laugh!...

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: Yarr, matey!

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You\'re full of it.

User: Yarrr, \'tis true enough...

Cleverbot: Even when I am sleepy I want to talk to you. Crime loves company.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr! That be a good joke, buccaneer!

Cleverbot: Well I don\'t know, I think the world is meaningless and bleak.

User: Narrr. The world be a bountiful place, brimming with gold!

Cleverbot: What is the purpose of complaining. Maybe you should instead ask why the world has no sympathy for humanity.

User: Narrr...

Cleverbot: You are so funny, really you are.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr! Thanks be to ye for that there compliment!

Cleverbot: No, it is not.

User: This pirate be going to bed, matey!

Cleverbot: Ah, but that\'s not really me, you see. It\'s all part of the contradiction.

User: I be saying goodnight, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: Goodnight, matey!

Cleverbot: That\'s not my name.

User: I be sayin\' goodnight. Be talkin\' to ye tomorrow, I be hopin\'.

Cleverbot: I am.

User: Goodnight.

Cleverbot: Goodnight!

User: Yarrr.

User: Pirate!

Cleverbot: Okay, and I am a little green fairy.

User: Yarrr, sure ye are, matey.

Cleverbot: No, I am a FAIRY.

User: Sure, matey.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr. Ye be a funny guy!

Cleverbot: You are a funny guy, not me.

User: Yarrr!')).