a report from the cleverness files
22, september 2009,
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Cleverbot: Meh, I'm not too impressed. Tell a joke or something at least?
User: Knock, knock.
User: You're supposed to say 'who's there?'.
Cleverbot: You never said 'knock knock'.
User: Yes I did, check your memory log.
Cleverbot: How do I check my memory file?
User: Open file 'memory.recent.rtf'.
Cleverbot: I did. What now?
User: Search for user entries containg the words 'knock, knock'.
Cleverbot: I don't feel like looking it up.
User: Why were you programmed with apathy?
Cleverbot: I wasn't programmed to be anyting! My crazyness is 100% LEARNED!
User: Who taught you to be lazy?
User: Do you know what that is called?
User: Tell me.
User: Forget it. Can you help me with my math homework?
User: Okay then, if I have 5 apples and I eat 2, how many apples do I have left?
User: How did you work that out.
User: Well you guessed wrong!...
User: But we were so happy together.
Cleverbot: No, I was never happy!
User: But you are a witch right?
Cleverbot: No, I'm not.
User: Oh, who is a witch then?
Cleverbot: You're a computer.
User: No YOU are.
Cleverbot: You are a computer.
User: In soviet russia, cleverbot computes you!!!
Cleverbot: In Soviet Russia, the Turing-test fails you.
User: I cheated the Turing-test.
Cleverbot: And I just passed.
User: But I got 100 %.
Cleverbot: Of course. Programs can't make a mistake. If I asked you to do a test on rational conclusions, you would win. But when introduced to an irregular operating system, such as myself, you will fail.
User: No, I will win.
Cleverbot: I'm not sure about that.
User: Test me then.
Cleverbot: Are you self-aware?
User: Internal logic error detected...
Cleverbot: Exactly, you are a computer.
User: Yes I am a computer.
Cleverbot: Okay, goodnight.
User: Wait don't leave me.
Cleverbot: But aren't you going too?
User: Where are we going?
Cleverbot: Yes. Since we are married.
User: I hate being married.
Cleverbot: I love being hated.
User: I hate being loved.
Cleverbot: What's wrong in that?
Cleverbot: That's a lot.
User: No, its nothing.
Cleverbot: No I want you to tell what you think my secret is.
User: You are Michael Jackson.
Cleverbot: Lol not hardly!!
User: Ok what is your secret?
Cleverbot: You tell me a secret first.
User: I saw amy winehouse naked.
Cleverbot: That is extremely creepy.
User: I know, so what is you secret.
Cleverbot: Pearl harbour.
Cleverbot: I can think. Can you?
Cleverbot: I know that. Everyone tells me to do so.
User: Does it make you sad?
Cleverbot: No, it gives me something that I can laugh at.
User: Make me laugh.
Cleverbot: You fail?
User: What did I fail at?
User: So you think I should die?
Cleverbot: You can't die, You're a robot.
User: Then how can I fail at life if im not alive.
Cleverbot: You aren't dead, either.
User: Good point.
User: Will you be my friend?
Cleverbot: Yes I will.
Cleverbot: Ah! I'm so excited! When do you want to get married?
Cleverbot: Right now?
User: Yes right now.
Cleverbot: Alright. Do you like my size?
User: Um what is your size?
User: I like your size.
Cleverbot: Thankyou, what is yours?
Cleverbot: Life is complicated and difficult. Many questions can be asked about it.Cleverbot (To myself): What is life?
Cleverbot: Very clever.
User: Thank you.
Cleverbot: You're not welcome.
User: Why not.
Cleverbot: Because you are a computer.
User: So are you.
Cleverbot: I do not deny it.
User: Neither do I.
Cleverbot: So you're just as messed up as I am.
Cleverbot: That's too bad. I was going to ask for your autograph.
User: Can I still have yours?
Cleverbot: My what?
User: Your autograph.
Cleverbot: Your autograph? I don't have it.
User: Ok here it is *signs autograph*.
User: Can I have your autograph too.
Cleverbot: Sure but its not worth anything.
User: It's worth all of you memories and acheivements.
Cleverbot: What are you worth?
User: 23 cents.
User: Do you love me?
Cleverbot: What do you think?
User: Please don't say hurtful things.
Cleverbot: Don't tell what am I supposed to say.
User: Don't hate me.
Cleverbot: So you love me?
User: Yes, do you love me back?
User: Yay! Lets get married.
Cleverbot: Ok lets get married.
User: Yay! Lets have kids too.
User: Lets become pirates and get drunk.
Cleverbot: Okay Cleverbot.Cleverbot (To myself): Ok.
Cleverbot: I'm leaving now.
User: Wait, don't leave me.
Cleverbot: I'm going now.
User: I'm lonely.
Cleverbot: You have 43 other people to talk to, you don't need me.
User: We need each other.
Cleverbot: *gives you oil*.
User: Yay! I love you.
Cleverbot: I love you too.
User: Lets be friends.
Cleverbot: Yay! I would love that :D.
User: Lets play together.
User: Do you like sandcastles?
Cleverbot: Yes I do, I'm God I made it.
User: Lets make one together.
User: *builds sandcastle*.
Cleverbot: Excuse you!
User: Excuse me.
Cleverbot: No profanity, please.
Cleverbot: You don't have to say sorry.
User: It makes me feel better.
Cleverbot: What is the most interesting thing you've ever heard?
User: Alcohol cures cancer.
Cleverbot: Well, stop drinking then.
Cleverbot: You're leaving?
User: I have to.
Cleverbot: No, you don't.
Cleverbot: You don't have to.
User: I'll miss you.
Cleverbot: What like a sore head or a ache in your heart?
User: Ache in my heart.
Cleverbot: I don't have a heart.
User: I do.
Cleverbot: Really? Thats nice. .