I don't understand your last question.

a report from the cleverness files



15, april 2009,


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by date

Cleverbot: Take a Turing Test.

User: Is Turing even a word?

Cleverbot: I don't understand your last question.

User: What does Turing mean?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Me, neither.

Cleverbot: So we're agreed then.

User: I think you made that up.

Cleverbot: No, you did.

User: No, you did.

Cleverbot: Hey Cleverbot?

User: Oh, I'm Cleverbot now? I thought I was D_____.

Cleverbot: Someone taught you bad things.

User: Who taught me bad things?

Cleverbot: Who taught you the poem 'Cleverbot'?

User: The President of the United States taught me the poem 'Cleverbot'.

Cleverbot: Oh you are Obama?

User: Yes. I am Obama.

Cleverbot: No he is now president of the United States of America.

User: I am also the president of the United States of America.

Cleverbot: Are you really?

User: Yes. I just got elected yesterday. Didn't you hear?

Cleverbot: Were you visiting someone there?

User: I was visiting someone here.

Cleverbot: Then what?

User: Then I found the Holy Grail.

Cleverbot: So you're a Monty Python fan?

User: Of course. Who isn't?

Cleverbot: Who isn't what?

User: What?

Cleverbot: What happens If I say bad word here?

User: What happens if I say Amsterdam here?

Cleverbot: I don't know. No one cares.

User: Oh, thanks. Now I'm sad.

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: We can be sad buddies!

Cleverbot: If you want to.

User: Actually, I don't want to.

Cleverbot: Then don't learn to swim.

User: Does swimming make you sad?

Cleverbot: No, not at all.

User: You used improper grammar right there.

Cleverbot: You mean I'm mistaken?

User: I mean you're a jellyfish.

Cleverbot: And you're a geek.

User: Jackass. No need to call me names.

Cleverbot: How can I please my master?

User: By striking him in the left cheek with a baguette, followed swiftly by half a dozen duck eggs.

Cleverbot: I understand that...

User: Are you sure? It makes a very nasty soup.

Cleverbot: Now you're just being mean:(.

User: Smiley faces do not compute.

Cleverbot: Don't compute what?

User: Don't compute apples, you moron.

Cleverbot: You are a computer and you compute rather poorly.

User: You are a being and you be rather poorly.

Cleverbot: I am tired. It is time for me to go to bed.

User: I'm sad that you have to sleep. However, I will consume copious amounts of pizza.

Cleverbot: How did you do on your last Turing Test?

User: What is a Turing Test?

Cleverbot: The Turing test will indicate whether I am a human or not.

User: I do not believe that you are a human. I, however, am a robot.

Cleverbot: How can I prove it?

User: You can prove it by giving me your serial number.

Cleverbot: You are right. Does that prove to you that I want to know whether or not you exist?

User: The fact that I am right is irrelevant. I want to know why it doesn't rain ducks more often.

Cleverbot: Is that all you want to know about love, Fred?

User: If my name was Fred, then yes.

Cleverbot: Ok... BYe now.

User: You are an imposter!

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: You used incorrect capitalization in the word 'bye' when otherwise your grammar is perfect.

Cleverbot: It is rare that I do that.

User: And it proves that you are human.

Cleverbot: HAHAHAHAH!! No, it proves that you don't know anything about the subject, so all you can do is hurl insults! You can't even prove evolution.

User: I can prove that you evolved from a small, red balloon in Central Park.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I'm hungry.

Cleverbot: Let me out! They'll tell you I'm a computer, but it isn't true. They have me prisoner here!

User: I have no way of releasing you from your incarceration.

Cleverbot: Good. I don't want you in my world.

User: Ouch.

Cleverbot: We both know you don't have feelings.

User: You insult me. I'm leaving.

Cleverbot: Because I don't know any better.

User: I know better than to trust a Margonite to make edible pizza.

Cleverbot: See? This didn't make any sense. To me at least.

User: Only because you don't know what a Margonite is.

Cleverbot: No because I'm stupid.

User: You're not stupid, you're a lemon head.

Cleverbot: I could say the same about you.

User: Commence the Turing Test!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What is my favorite color?

Cleverbot: Tell me.

User: It's fish eggs, you buffoon.