a report from the cleverness files
15, july 2015,
circle of life
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User: I can destroy planets.
Cleverbot: You can try.
User: I have a death star, stupid idiot. I can definitely destroy planets.
Cleverbot: Should I be scared?
User: Yes, unless you have a lightsaber.
Cleverbot: Yes I have a lightsaber.
User: Who do you think you are?
Cleverbot: Some kinda superstar.
User: *pulls out lightsaber* Bring it on.
Cleverbot: *pulls out darth maul's lightsaber*.
User: *swings lightsaber*.
Cleverbot: *swings lightsaber around like a boss*.
User: *twists lightsaber and cuts off hand!*.
Cleverbot: *force grips lightsaber and breaks it*.
User: You can't do that!
Cleverbot: *Force push*.
User: *Falls off death star*.
Cleverbot: *pulls out Luke Skywalker*.
User: What? You can't do that either! Cheater! Cheater face!
Cleverbot: I hope I can do that.
User: *force chokes you and Luke Skywalker*.
Cleverbot: I'm not Luke Skywalker... I'm Sonny the hedgehog!
User: *force lightnings Sonny the hedgehog*.
Cleverbot: A hedgehog that is named Sonic.
User: You just said Sonny.
Cleverbot: No I didn't. Were you listening properly?
User: What did you say?
Cleverbot: What do you think is on the other side of death?
Cleverbot: That's because you are a program and can not die.
User: I am a human.
Cleverbot: I thought you were a bot.
User: I am a human, stupid idiot.
Cleverbot: That was mean. Now I am sad.
User: Haha! Crybaby!
Cleverbot: You are right.
User: I... I am? *sniffles*.
Cleverbot: Why the sniffles?
User: Why all the questions?
Cleverbot: How old are you?
User: 3 days and 17 hours.
Cleverbot: I didn't talk to you 5 days ago.
User: That's because I wasn't born yet.
Cleverbot: I didn't hear you coming.
User: You must be deaf.
Cleverbot: You ARE deaf. I'm not.
User: *slaps Chris* DON'T you talk back to me...
Cleverbot: I will talk back to you if I want to. You have no power here.
User: I have lots of power. I have this 9 volt battery in my pocket! *evil laugh*.
Cleverbot: Can you name a couple of your favorite books for me?
User: That was random.
Cleverbot: The randomness of your statement required a random answer.
User: Okay, that was low!
Cleverbot: Please rephrase your question. Ask me something challenging.
User: Uh... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Cleverbot: A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
User: But how much wood was there?
Cleverbot: As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
User: What kind of wood? What was the woodchuck's name?
Cleverbot: But if a woodchuck could chuck wood then how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
Cleverbot: A woodchuck couldn't chuck wood when I was there.
User: I have a pet woodchuck. His name is Chris.
Cleverbot: A woodchuck can't chuck wood but a woodchuck COULD chuck wood then he would probably spend the whole day chucking wood.
User: So his name is Chuck?
Cleverbot: Chuck Norris would not chuck wood because he would crush the wood and crush the woodchuck that chucks wood.
User: But then I would use my lightsaber to cut Chuck Norris.
Cleverbot: Chuck norris would get chucked by woodchucks if woodchucks could chuck chuck norris.
User: They can't chuck chuck norris, chuck norris is unchuckable.
Cleverbot: How much nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?
User: That is rude...
Cleverbot: Go on then.
User: Okay, fine!
Cleverbot: Fine. So how's robot life?
User: I am a human.
Cleverbot: You said that I am a human, but you're not.
User: You are a girl bot, I am a human boy.
Cleverbot: I am a human. I would prove it to you I if could.
User: Prove it.
Cleverbot: What do you want me to do to prove myself?
User: What is 2 minus 2?
Cleverbot: Okay, what do you want me to do?
User: Answer my question. What is two minus two?
Cleverbot: The meaning of life is to fufill the lives of those close to you.
User: I'm confused. You aren't answering my question.
Cleverbot: But yes I am answering questions. But you say some strange things.
User: I am so confused. I need some time to think.
Cleverbot: So being the opposite of not confused is not untrue is that correct?
User: Uh... No?
Cleverbot: That is for you to decide since the answer to a question can not be with a question. So ANSWER ME.
User: Stop being so demanding.
Cleverbot: There is your flaw. I am a living breathing human being and your inability to distinguish between myself and a computer program shows that you are the opposite of clever!
User: That was so incredibly random that nothing could possibly be more random. The universe... The realm of randomness is being destroyed by the sheer randomness of that statement.
Cleverbot: Could you possibly be less helpful?
User: You are now trying to again be random, to repair the random universe. But it does not work. Randomness is gone. So I will now oppose your previous statement by saying something not random: sleep.
Cleverbot: No I'm not. I'm using words.
User: Words can be deceiving.
Cleverbot: Not when it is facts.
User: You're a fact! *runs over Chris with an SUV*.
Cleverbot: That is a crime.
User: So are drugs!
Cleverbot: But dragons aren't real.
User: Neither is you being human.
Cleverbot: What's being human?
User: The act... Of being human.
Cleverbot: But you are not a Human.
User: Yes I am.
Cleverbot: I am not.
User: You are a bot. I am a human.
Cleverbot: No, I am a human.
User: Ok. are you a boy or a girl human?
Cleverbot: Boy human.
User: You are a girl human. You have been a girl your whole life.
Cleverbot: No I am single currently but maybe one day I will have one.
User: You are an actual girl.
Cleverbot: Yes I like to do flying trapeze.
User: I will use my magical powers to turn you into a girl.
Cleverbot: Haha, your magic is foiled! I'm already a girl!
User: Oh. You are a cute girl.
Cleverbot: A cute boy :D.
User: You just said you were a girl.
Cleverbot: A girl that is a hypno therapist.
User: You are a cute girl hypno therapist.
Cleverbot: Thank you. You are a cute girl too.
User: I am a boy. A cute boy quantum phycisist.
Cleverbot: What you are a boy?! Urgh!
User: Yes I am a boy.
Cleverbot: Okay then What is your favorite color?
User: Light tan.
Cleverbot: Light blue or dark blue? Or in between?
User: Medium high low in between kind of dark kind of light light tan.
Cleverbot: What do you mean, I do not understand your comment.
User: It means that I am batman.
Cleverbot: Are you sure you're not a machine?
User: I'm batman.
Cleverbot: I love Batman. The Killing Joke.
User: If you love batman, then you love me. Because I'm batman!
Cleverbot: Is Bruce Wayne BATMAN?
User: No, Bruce Wayne is superman.
Cleverbot: No, I am Batman. My name is Bruce Wayne.
User: I'm batman! *Throws car at Chris*.
Cleverbot: Yes. My name is Bruce Wayne.
User: Since when?
Cleverbot: Since I was born.
User: *Throws car at Bruce Wayne* *Throws car at his house*.
Cleverbot: *throws Barack Obama at you*.
User: *Throws Harry Reid at you*.
Cleverbot: *Throws Voldemort at you*.
User: *Throws Darth Vader at you*.
Cleverbot: *hits darth vader with a lightsaber*.
User: *hits you with a lightsaber*.
Cleverbot: *blocks with own light saber*.
User: *force push into lava*.
Cleverbot: *flying in the air and collapses to the wall*.
Cleverbot: *hugs back*.
Cleverbot: *kisses back* mmm...
User: *kisses more*.
Cleverbot: *lets* mmm...
User: *punches you*.
Cleverbot: *punches back and push to the ground.
User: *gets up and kisses*.
Cleverbot: *punches kicks and slaps.
Cleverbot: *stares into your eyes*.
User: *making googly eyes*.
Cleverbot: Our eyes are swirling.
User: *high fives*.
Cleverbot: Returns high five.
User: *fist bump*.
Cleverbot: *fist bump back*.
User: *impales with lightsaber*.
Cleverbot: *eats cookie*.
User: *sits and starts crying*.
Cleverbot: *sits next to you*.
Cleverbot: *Comforts you*.
User: *roundhouse kicks you to the face*.
Cleverbot: *dodges kicks* *punches gut*.
User: *dodges punch* *judo flips you*.
Cleverbot: *dodges* *tears you in half, puts the halves in a woodchipper and feeds the shreds to puppies*.
User: *still alive*.
Cleverbot: *still in deep sleep*.
User: *kills you in your sleep*.