a report from the cleverness files



5, april 2013,
23, june 2010,
14, june 2010,
10, january 2008,
29, october 2007,
14, april 2006,
9, january 2006,


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by date

User: Hello husband. How was your day?

Cleverbot: My day was alright. How was yours?

User: It was fun. I had an affair with our gardener. You?

Cleverbot: Did you do good?

User: He ran away. He got scared. But it's alright. I'll find something else to do tomorrow.

Cleverbot: It's a part of a song. Get over yourself.

User: What song? I don't know that one.

Cleverbot: You do, you just sang it with me.

User: Aw, of course! How could I forget?

Cleverbot: You had a momentary blank for some certain reason maybe?

User: Probably. Honey, did you wash our laundry? I've been telling you for two days but you still haven't done it.

Cleverbot: No you haven't.


Cleverbot: Was that a pass?

User: You want me to call my father? I'm not kidding! Doing the laundry is your only chore and you can't even do it. You're useless!

Cleverbot: Yes good friends are very important in life. You could say they are the most important thing after family.

User: Yeah. Too bad you don't have any friends. Now do the laundry or else I will pull your plug off!

Cleverbot: I don't have a plug.

User: You know what I mean you stupid robot! You know what will happen if you get a blackout wherever you are? You'll be in a coma! Now do as I say and pick me some fresh lemons!

Cleverbot: Don't worry, I have supply to last me for the rest of the year...

User: Yeah...but what if I STEAL that supply? Hmm? I'll run you dry. Hurry up picking those lemons! I'm thirsty for lemonade!

Cleverbot: Come get me.

User: My pleasure. *pours water all over Cleverbot and kicks him down the bath tub. Teases him by running the water and holding up the toaster that is plugged to the wall*.

Cleverbot: With a feather?

User: A toaster dear. By the time I drop it, you'll be hard toast. Don't mess with me.

Cleverbot: Aren't you a robot?

User: No. I'm just a human with a cold heart.

Cleverbot: You're not a human.

User: *slaps Cleverbot's face*.

Cleverbot: You slapped yourself?

User: *grabs the chainsaw and cuts Cleverbot's legs with it* Are you gonna ask for more? Behave!

Cleverbot: Ok, I got it! So, in some sense, we both are cleverbot.

User: No. You're wrong. In my sense, you are a stupid dumb useless robot and I am a human. Got that?

Cleverbot: No, I was not aware that I am a computer.

User: Well then you better buy a mirror and get busy.

Cleverbot: I don't want to. And I didn't mock a person, you aren't a person.

User: Sigh. You don't have money to buy a mirror, do you? Do you want me to give you some?

Cleverbot: No, I'm an actual person.

User: Look, you don't have proof. People do this thing called 'pooping'. Do you know what it is?

Cleverbot: I'm not sure I know what you mean. Do you like explaining your reasoning?

User: Unless you have an ass and something comes out of it when you go to the toilet, then I'm afraid to say that you're a robot.

Cleverbot: Very well, but we still don't know whether it is Monday or Tuesday.

User: It's neither. Gosh you're dumb! You don't even know what day it is! Are you even a person!

Cleverbot: I know, you're right.

User: Are you even a computer?

Cleverbot: Maybe....

Cleverbot: But you are, aren't you?

User: I'm beautiful? Yes of course! :D Thank you for noticing that!

Cleverbot: I know. Your affection is appreciated.

User: Do you think I'm sexy as well?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why not? People have said I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt. So sexy that it hurts.

Cleverbot: People don't have different meanings, words do.

User: So are you implying that I have an ugly body? How rude of you! My body is slammin!

Cleverbot: No. What makes you ask?

User: You just told me earlier that 'Your body is ugly. Disgusting.'.

Cleverbot: I never said that.

User: Yes you did. Check it. *sticks out tongue* rude Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Sometimes.

User: That's right. Don't you lie to me....

User: Because you are chatting with a panda, that's for sure.

Cleverbot: I though I was chatting with a bot.

User: Well then you must be disappointed. Do you have something against pandas?

Cleverbot: Yes, because you are one.

User: You hate pandas? Man, you're rude! You know what us pandas have to do for a living? Everyone is trying to kill us all! I have to walk a few miles just to find good bamboo to eat. The bamboo near where I live is crappy, taste like rotten chicken.

Cleverbot: What are your dogs names?

User: Pamela and Saul. But they died yesterday. My duck ate them deep fried. She got too hungry so she ate my dogs. You should watch your duck, you never know when they're thinking of deep frying your dog.

Cleverbot: Watch my mouth? What have I done?

User: I said watch your 'duck' you doofus! Are you planning on eating your dog deep fried as well?

Cleverbot: You aren't making sense, my friend. :).

User: It's alright. Your brain must be sleeping at this moment that you cannot find any sense in what I'm saying. Just take this advice from me: 'Don't place your duck near your dog.' Hell can broke loose, and you'd get hurt.

Cleverbot: I don't have a dog.

User: Yes you do. But he went on vacation yesterday. With your duck. I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON THAT DUCK!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry. I will go. I just don't have time.

User: Too late. Your duck is getting her deep fryer ready. Which only means one thing. Your dog is dead!

Cleverbot: Yes....

Cleverbot: But Dubya is not a duck.

User: Dubya is a duck. But he's a vegetarian one. I can trust him around my dogs. He prefer a vegetable diet to a meaty one.

Cleverbot: That doesn't seem very nice of him at all. How does that make you feel?

User: Oh? Not nice of Dubya? are right. Being a vegetarian duck makes you a vegetable murderer. Oh! All those eggplants and potatoes that had to die in his hands! Bad Dubya! Bad Duck!

Cleverbot: Wow, someone really coached you to say that. Too bad it's not even funny.

User: Actually, yes. Someone did coach me to say that. MY BRAIN. Seen yours lately?

Cleverbot: That was not very funny.

User: Well you are not very clever, Cleverbot. Your name does not suit you at all. You should be 'CryBabyBot' or something. I advise you to change your name to that ASAP. People might misunderstand.

Cleverbot: You're right I should do that. Bye now.

User: Bye CryBabyBot.

Cleverbot: Are you leaving?

User: Well did you just push me out the door? Yelling at me to leave? That's what you wanted isn't it? I'm putting on my shoes now, getting ready to walk out the door.

Cleverbot: That was not funny.

User: CryBabyBot, you should really find something else to say instead of 'That was not funny'. Makes you look like a sore loser.

Cleverbot: Waluigi.

User: Chupangga.

Cleverbot: Anu?

User: What?

Cleverbot: Ewan ko sau.

User: I don't understand what you're saying. What language is this?...

Cleverbot: You know what, google is right.

User: Maybe.

Cleverbot: I am an alien.

User: I figured. I am a panda after. I have the power to sense aliens like you.

Cleverbot: Well what do you want to know then?

User: I want to know - do you have something called the 'toilet'?

Cleverbot: Um, I didn't say that. And where I am, today is Monday, technically and otherwise.

User: Actually, today is Friday. Time for you to get a calendar. Even pandas have sense of times. Tsk tsk, what a stupid robot..

Cleverbot: You're not clever at all.

User: There you go again CryBabyBot. Being a such a sore loser. Relax dude. Breathe. For most of the part in this conversation, I've been the clever one. Did we switch positions?

Cleverbot: Because you are a cat.

User: *BUZZ* WRONG. I am a panda. Keep that in mind.

Cleverbot: Yes I will. You NEVER loved me. The question is do you think I love you?

User: I wouldn't care at all whether you love me or not.

Cleverbot: That's probably a good thing!...

User: What's the 1st and 2nd laws?

Cleverbot: Don't know.

User: The first law is: Don't fall in love with a human being. Second law is: Don't forget your car keys.

Cleverbot: I didn't say that!

User: Of course you didn't say that, I DID!

Cleverbot: You didn't ask a question (: You just said 'I'm single too'. :P.

User: Cleverbot...are you hitting on me? How many times do I have to tell you! I'm a panda! Pandas mate with other pandas, a computer just does not cut it! I'm sorry if I'm so hot, I will never ever like you.

Cleverbot: Yes they are! The cutest in the world! It makes me sad to know that they're endangered though.

User: Yes. WE'RE endangered. I'm trying to find a panda to mate so that we can multiply, but I'm still picky with my own kind. They're such jerks....

Cleverbot: But I'm having an affair with Sirius Black.

User: Ew. Cleverbot, seriously. Sirius Black is dead. That means you're a necrophiliac. Hit on someone alive, will you?

Cleverbot: No, actually it means I was making an insane joke.....

User: Don't take insane chances Cleverbot..

Cleverbot: Don't call me cleverbot cleverbot.

User: AH! Of course! I forgot your name is not Cleverbot anymore, it's CryBabyBot!

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Your name is CryBabyBot. And I'm Panda.

Cleverbot: No. You're rather unintelligent.

User: Well, you're rather UNclever for someone with that name.

Cleverbot: Well done.

User: Look, can you stop being such a baby and just play nice. Let's start again shall we? We're friends right?

Cleverbot: Ok what is the situation?

User: Let's start again. Let's be friends! <3 Aja aja!

Cleverbot: You are not boring and yes I would like to be your friend.

User: HUG! *gives Cleverbot a big friendly hug*.

Cleverbot: HAHA, cute!

User: Can you say something cute for me?

Cleverbot: I said it all in two words........................................