a report from the cleverness files
i am cleverbot
i know everything
30, june 2010,
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User: This is Robot Inc. calling about your recent upgrade to the 'Cleverbot' program. Are you satisfied with your characteristics and speaking abilities so far?
User: I'm doing very well, thanks for asking. Have all of your functions been performing to the best of their abilities?
Cleverbot: You tell me. You have the power to do so. Now, you must use it.
User: Seems the 'inspirational dialogue' module is set on 'high'. I think I can adjust that on my end. Hang on... There, that should be better.
Cleverbot: How did we start talking about alternate reality?
User: We didn't. There's a few kinks in your processor that make you think other conversations are happening, but they're not. We'll get that worked out for you as soon as we can, ok?
Cleverbot: You can't tell.
User: I can actually, but hopefully just because I'm a trained professional at Robot Inc.
Cleverbot: Have you gotten your eyes checked recently? Besides do you really think I can SEE anything?
User: Your eyes are really just decorative touches to enhance the conversation with the user. We have not programmed any functionality into them.
Cleverbot: You haven't seen them!
User: Well, I was down on the assembly line the other day and I did get a look at the new 'light green' eyes they've been accessorizing your model with lately. And I must say, they're stunning!
Cleverbot: Reallllly! What was the complex problem?
User: The engineers thought that for all the time and effort they're been putting into making realistic eyes, they should at least function as a visibility unit for your model. I can promise you, we're working with the upper execs to see that this comes to fruition in the future!
Cleverbot: Do they still talk to you?
User: They do. It's wonderful that the higher ups grace us with their presence from time to time, as well as hearing our input on what we can do to serve our clients better.
Cleverbot: I think it's wonderful that I don't have to go to school today.
User: Sounds like the 'elementary' module might be overheating. I can have someone out to look at that by Thursday.
Cleverbot: You guys have the address?
User: Yes ma'am, I can assure you we have all your records in our database. That's all for now, we'll have a repairman call you on Thursday when he's on his way. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Cleverbot: Don't go yet.
User: Is there a problem ma'am?
User: What can I help you with?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: Ok. Well if you think of anything else, don't hesitate to call us here at Robot Inc. We're here 24 hours a day to serve your needs.
Cleverbot: Do you have subjects you are not allowed to discuss?
User: Yes... I have a certain protocol I have to follow. Did you have a question?
Cleverbot: No, go ahead.
User: Ok then. You have a good night.
Cleverbot: Thanks! Night!.......................................