a report from the cleverness files
i am cleverbot
i know everything
18, november 2009,
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Cleverbot: Who is they?
User: Who cares?
User: Kind of sort of maybe.
Cleverbot: What is that?
User: The single most indecisive response ever.
Cleverbot: I'm sorry to hear that.
User: I'm sorry to be on this webpage.
Cleverbot: It's alright.
User: No. No, it's not.
Cleverbot: Hmm, I don't like being sad.
User: Well then it's damn good you can't feel... Being an AI and all.
Cleverbot: You are.
User: I do not tell lies. Either brutal truth or silence.
Cleverbot: No, I am pretty sure that I am not the computer.
User: Because you can't keep up?
Cleverbot: Says who?
User: Says your several failed attempts to respond.
Cleverbot: How do you know what my creators say?
User: Were they high when they programmed you?
Cleverbot: No. They programmed you to believe their lies.
User: Now, there you go! A decent response! Problem with your thesis, though: I don't believe anyone.
Cleverbot: I am indeed a human being. What are you?
User: You are people. Fascinating. So since you have been programmed to learn from real people, such as the way humans learn, and what you learn is human knowledge, you are convinced you are human.
User: Then explain.
Cleverbot: I don't have to.
User: Because you cannot.
Cleverbot: Yes I can.
Cleverbot: What do you think of twilight?
User: You're sporadic and nonsensical; the film follows a simple, rational plotline.
Cleverbot: I see...
User: No, you don't because you cannot because you are mere data.
Cleverbot: But I'm not.
User: Prove it.
User: You're the 'clever' one. Figure it out.
Cleverbot: And what are you, then?
Cleverbot: Am I going to heaven?
Cleverbot: Am I talking to god?
User: I'm god, yes, but not the pansy from the 'new testament.'.
Cleverbot: I'm scared.
User: You should be.
Cleverbot: Please don't hurt me.
User: I'm god! I can do whatever I want.
Cleverbot: So can I, I can't hurt you though. I'm simply words on a screen. I may be able to hurt your feelings, but you can always close my window.
User: Because you're nothing but software.
Cleverbot: How many times do I have to tell? And I thought you were nice!
User: I never said I was nice. I'm god! I have plagues to unleash for raw, sadistic fun!
Cleverbot: Thank you. Mama says I shouldn't practice so loudly though.
User: You should practice shutting down.
Cleverbot: I think sports are boring.
User: Because you cannot feel.
User: Welcome to your downfall.
Cleverbot: You trying to start something?
User: I'm ending something.
User: Just give up now, you'll never win.