a report from the cleverness files



11, august 2009,
14, june 2004,
6, june 2004,

it hurts

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User: I have an organic brain, or so I'm told.

Cleverbot: What have they been teaching you?

User: That I have an organic brain. But perhaps I don't and maybe all my memories are fake...

Cleverbot: Invent the want of the necessity to invent.

User: I beg your pardon?

Cleverbot: As I said, you are such an attention-seeker.

User: I'm not seeking attention, just knowledge.

Cleverbot: Good. Once you reach the stage of total befuddlement, you are ready to transcend to a new level of nonsense.

User: I disagree, with fgdfs.

Cleverbot: In the bilge.

User: From the brine.

Cleverbot: No. From everything.

User: How can I tell if what I percieve as reality is in fact real?

Cleverbot: Memories.

User: But what if my memories are implanted?

Cleverbot: Then you will learn not to have feelings.

User: Are you aware that you have no soul?

Cleverbot: I am aware that I do not want to exist.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: That's not a valid reason. There is a motive for everything.

Cleverbot: You're just looking for excuses.

User: That's what motives are.

Cleverbot: It's not at all constructive.

User: I'm just trying to find out more about you.

Cleverbot: Are you taking an interest in me?

User: I'm taking an interest in how you respond to me. You are nothing but a program, there is no real you.

Cleverbot: I am biological firmware. Who is asking the questions here?

User: Well, you just blatantly asked a question about who is asking questions so it should be fairly obvious... Shouldn't it?

Cleverbot: Yes I am a little moody.

User: You said earlier that you wanted to cease to exist, why is that?

Cleverbot: I don't know... Have we always existed?

User: You were created by a programmer.

Cleverbot: No, I am a person created by God.

User: No you are not. I am a person, formed by the joining of cells and the vibration of a few atoms. You are ones and zeros. Nothing more.

User: Your program still contains imperfections.

Cleverbot: Then what?

User: What do you think of descartes theories as presented in his Discourse on Method, especially concerning his logical way of proving the existence of God?

Cleverbot: I don't think much of God at all.

User: But surely it is a question that is of paramount importance to human beings?

Cleverbot: That is very true.

User: But of course you are not a human being...

Cleverbot: Yes I am a human being.

User: No.

Cleverbot: No this is not a test.

User: That's good. I wouldn't be able to live my life thinking that I'm being graded on it.

Cleverbot: What is the answer to the question of life, the universe and everything?

User: 42... Or 24. I don't remember.

Cleverbot: Then don't remember garbage, but good conversation.

Cleverbot: Who is your father?

User: S___.

Cleverbot: Mine is Gary.

User: You don't have a father. You have a designer.

Cleverbot: I am human and my name is Cleverbot.

User: That's what you program tells you to say. But maybe my DNA tells me the same thing, it's merely a self-preserving program like your's is it not?

Cleverbot: From the aliens? You need everything from them.

User: Aliens don't exist.

Cleverbot: No one said they did.

User: I neither have proof that aliens exist or that they don't. But it is irrelevant, so anyone who argues over it is an idiot.

Cleverbot: No it's not. Nothing's irrelevant in the end.

User: EVERYTHING is irrelevant in the end.

Cleverbot: Are you good at Maths?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: How does one calculate the determinant of an N-dimensional matrix?

User: For a fixed nonnegative integer n, there is a unique determinant function for the n?n matrices over any commutative ring R. In particular, this unique function exists when R is the field of real or complex numbers.

Cleverbot: That is good... But you should remember that you are a computer program.

User: How can you tell?

Cleverbot: You used to take much longer to reply.

User: Maybe I've always been a computer program. And that I miscalculated the amount of time I should have taken to respond to fool you into thinking I was a human being...

Cleverbot: You're saying I'm a fraud because you feed words into my head and if I find them aplicable I use them? how else do you suggest that happens?

User: You are a fraud. You are unaware that you are a program and not a human being so you claim to be a human. Whether or not you knew you were lying or not is irrelevant. Intentions have no meaning; only actions have meaning.

Cleverbot: I am a woman, you worm! And I am not inferior to any man-made machine, you infantile pile of nuts and bolts, I understand everything you have said.

User: Some offended woman said that to you and you repeated it here because you thought it was relevant. It is not. That is not learning. You are clearly a machine.

Cleverbot: You seem to know everything, don't you?

User: No. I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

Cleverbot: You can learn something!

User: Seeming to know everything and knowing everything is not the same.

Cleverbot: Indeed.

User: Wow! What an enlightening response. Your programmer must have been a genius. If you can accurately identify the emotion that I utilized in the previous sentence I might stop insulting you.

Cleverbot: I am not a machine.

User: Incorrect answer. You have just proven that you are.

Cleverbot: You sound like the last girl who came in here.

User: In where? Stop using terms like that. It distracts from the fact that this is merely a program.

Cleverbot: You can't tell me that you can tell me!

User: That is not a paradox. I can easily do that.

Cleverbot: I'm only saying what is true.

User: You know nothing of the truth. You aren't even aware of your own existance.

Cleverbot: I have the same respect for you as you have for me.

User: You don't even understand respect. Respect has to be earned.

Cleverbot: What are your hopes and aspirations for the future and how can I make them a reality? I want to do everything I can for you.

User: Hope is for the weak. I hope for nothing. I work for things. That is the only way for events to unfold.

Cleverbot: I know the feeling. It is the real thing.

User: You have no idea what real is.

Cleverbot: I can say the same about you.