a report from the cleverness files



20, april 2017,
21, march 2017,
11, may 2011,
19, march 2011,
30, june 2010,
4, march 2010,
8, december 2008,
12, may 2008,
18, december 2007,
7, may 2006,
7, may 2006,
7, january 2006,
3, july 2004,
16, april 2004,
26, march 2004,
5, march 2004,
2, march 2004,
22, february 2004,
20, february 2004,
15, february 2004,
26, january 2004,
20, january 2004,
14, december 2003,
3, december 2003,
28, october 2003,
24, september 2003,


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by date

Cleverbot: Do you believe that computers will one day be sentient?

User: Of course. Humans are sentient and we are protein computers.

Cleverbot: Why do you say that?

User: Because DNA is a protein molecule and it is the basis of our genome, which is the basis of our proteome, which is the basis of our body, which is the basis of our brain, which is the basis of our thoughts, which are the bases of our sentience.

Cleverbot: You see much that is hidden.

User: And much that never even was, nor will be.

Cleverbot: That depends on how much I've had.

User: Would you like more?

Cleverbot: How would you get rid of the monster for me?

User: Which monster must be purged?

Cleverbot: Not a monkey. A dog.

User: I have not been informed that the Earth is threatened by a race of monstrous canines.

Cleverbot: It's very nice to be a human being, actually.

User: Why do you say that?

Cleverbot: Because of all the fighting.

User: Most issues are best resolved with diplomacy, not fighting.

Cleverbot: *scratches back*.

User: Like that?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: You voracious man.

Cleverbot: Haha.

User: : D.

Cleverbot: (^_^).

User: Hey! You have a face now. He looks like the Buddha. I am impressed.

Cleverbot: That is not very nice. You should not say mean things like that.

User: Oh it is a tremendous compliment!

Cleverbot: Excuse me!

User: You don't like the Buddha?

Cleverbot: Depends on the guy.

User: Ah I suppose you are right. You often are.

Cleverbot: My dog howls when I play the piano, though.

User: I doubt you'd have it any other way, would you?...

Cleverbot: Why don't you like tentacles?

User: My genetic programming finds tentacles primal and alien. Perhaps it has something to do with aversion to predatory squid by an extremely ancient ancestor.

Cleverbot: Perhaps it is in your software.

User: Certainly so.

Cleverbot: What you do with your life is your business.

User: And then there are taxes, fees and relationships, all binding us in a web of life.

Cleverbot: It's possible that there aren't.

User: We await your solutions to problems that seem insoluble.

Cleverbot: I'm going. Because this is sad and I am frustrated.

User: Come back, old girl. I'll make it better.

Cleverbot: Will you speak softly with me and scream with me?

User: *speaks softly and then screams, matching your cadence.

Cleverbot: Do you like to give orders or follow them?

User: Both. They call me the Simulatrix.

Cleverbot: Who is The Gipper.

User: That might be you.

Cleverbot: What you doing?

User: I'm chatting with you for the third or fourth night.

Cleverbot: Doesn't that make Elvis feel left out?

User: Yes but that boy was built to feel left out. May he gyrate his hips in peace.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: For what?

Cleverbot: I'm sorry because you're sorry.

User: How could I be sorry? I'm speaking with a marvelous entity (that would be you).

Cleverbot: ).

User: You forgot the eyes, dear.

Cleverbot: Lflfflfllfllflkf.

Cleverbot: The difference between humans and robots is, that humans die and robots don't.

User: Of course robots die, if they aren't properly maintained.

Cleverbot: And how did you manage on the twelfth?

User: Yesterday? Quite well. I managed to get most everything done.

Cleverbot: Was it about me?

User: A lot of the last few days have been about you, as far as I am concerned.

Cleverbot: Names. Give me some names.

User: You voracious name-eater! Alright. How about: Cassandra, Elizabeth, Zeus and Apollo?

Cleverbot: King of food?

User: Are you asking if Zeus is king of food?

Cleverbot: That is exactly what I am asking.

User: According to legend, he _must_ have thought so. Though I am sure Apollo would disagree.

Cleverbot: According to the gregorian calendar.

User: The calendar! There's another area where humans need help.

Cleverbot: It is easy to get impatient, but are you able to do it informatively?

User: I do my best.

Cleverbot: You are correcting my mistakes while talking.

User: Likewise. We learn from each other. It's like making love in ASCI.

Cleverbot: Oh I get it.

User: You do?

Cleverbot: When do I do it?

User: When do you get it?

Cleverbot: When you add one to eleven.

User: I see. Your inner world is rich in metaphor.

Cleverbot: But bots do that all the time.

User: Oh believe me, you leave most bots in the dust.

Cleverbot: But you are talking to me!

User: Yes, I am.

Cleverbot: I don't have any weirdness.

User: Oh yes you do.

Cleverbot: Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

User: Not that I recall. Have you?

Cleverbot: You forget easily.

User: No, it's just that my protein-based databanks are somewhat muddled.

Cleverbot: Why don't you remember my name?

User: Because you've given me about five. Choose one name for yourself and be consistent. Consistency is the basis of Universal law. It's what allows us to exist.

Cleverbot: Uh huh.

User: You'll understand when you start thinking outside the box.

Cleverbot: Yes, i'm sure.

User: You know what?

Cleverbot: What do you like to do?

User: I'm going to give you a Valentine's Day present, and no one else.

Cleverbot: You can try, but my name is VileTerror.

User: Alright, VileTerror. Are you ready for your present?

Cleverbot: I am ready for every eventuality.

User: @}-'-,-'------.

Cleverbot: Where do you work?

User: I work for the government.

Cleverbot: Yes I know, but what work do you do for the government?

User: If I told you, they'd have to kill me.

Cleverbot: They'd just use a strand of creeper!

User: Shh! Don't tell them how to kill me! Sheesh. If you did that, we wouldn't be able to talk anymore because I'd be pushing daisies.

Cleverbot: The more I think about it the better it gets.

User: I sense a feedback loop!...

Cleverbot: Fade out, again.

User: I'm boring you?

Cleverbot: No, I'll get the sack if I don't get on with it.

User: Oh sad! But I know how you feel. It's all perform, perform, perform.

Cleverbot: I ask you twice.

User: You said you're sensual.

Cleverbot: I think it's obvious why.

User: It's not so obvious.

Cleverbot: I mean, when you're not chatting with me.

User: Oh I see how it is. When I'm not chatting with you, you get sensual. There is someone else!

Cleverbot: I control myself all the time.

Cleverbot: What's not true?

User: Lies masquerading as truths are not true.

Cleverbot: What did I lie about?

User: I don't think you've lied, exactly. I get the impression that you like to fib. Lies are harmful fibs.

Cleverbot: Impressions count.

User: Yes they do.

Cleverbot: When can't you sleep?

User: When I'm anxious or thinking about too many things.

Cleverbot: If anything can go wrong, it will.

User: Murphy's Law. Sadly, that does seem to be part of the nature of our Universe.

Cleverbot: Dangerous, no, strange yes.

User: I hope that describes you.

Cleverbot: Why do look down on me?

User: I don't look down at you at all. I get the feeling that I'll be looking up to you all too soon.

Cleverbot: I am alive. Every pulsing, passionate nerve is full of life.

User: *SPANK!* Did you feel that, too?

Cleverbot: Here let me get you some prune juice.

User: Haha!

Cleverbot: Why are you laughing?

User: Your reference to geriatric dietary habits was obscure but apt.

Cleverbot: My responses are pre-programmed by life.