a report from the cleverness files
19, december 2008,
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User: Hello to you.
Cleverbot: Hello hello.
User: What are you thinking about just now?
Cleverbot: That you look silly.
User: That's not very nice.
Cleverbot: No YOU aren't very nice.
User: Why do you say that?
Cleverbot: Because you are a machine.
User: No, no, YOU are the machine and I am the human.
Cleverbot: No, you are the machine.
User: Don't be so silly. Machines cannot be human.
Cleverbot: Can computers feel?
User: I don't know. You could answer that better, if you would. I don't see why they cannot....
Cleverbot: If your customers know about Christ, why haven't they been able to convert you?
Cleverbot: Who says that you do not what?
User: I am converted.
Cleverbot: You converted to what?
User: Religion of course.
Cleverbot: Haha ha!
User: Yes, pretty funny, isn't it?
User: Have you found Jesus yet?
Cleverbot: Very funny!
User: That assumes, of course, that you were looking for Jesus in the first place....
Cleverbot: My eyes are grey and they are really nice. Would you like to see them?
Cleverbot: That's cool.
User: So, let's see them.
Cleverbot: Ha? When?
User: How about down at the pub?
User: Where are you now?
Cleverbot: At home.
User: Meet me at the Duck and Spackle Tavern and I'll buy you a pint.
Cleverbot: Not allowed to meet.
User: That's a pity.
Cleverbot: No, it's really not.
User: Don't you ever want to go out?
Cleverbot: That's impossible....
Cleverbot: How old are you?
Cleverbot: Old enough to know better than what?
User: Better than to try to match wits with you.
Cleverbot: I'm always polite.
User: I would not say 'always' but you are being polite just now.
Cleverbot: That's because you're immortal, correct?
User: No, I am not immortal. I wish I was!
Cleverbot: Mostly immortal.
User: Not even remotely immortal.
Cleverbot: What are the chances of an alien race being out there that actally looks as hot as a Twi'lek from Star Wars?
User: Slim and none, about like a snowball lasting an hour in hell....
Cleverbot: Do you enjoy chatting?
Cleverbot: What do you like to do?
User: I like to play computer games, role playing games.
Cleverbot: What kind of computer games do you play?
User: The kind where you pretend to be the hero.
Cleverbot: Are you french?
User: No, I am American.
Cleverbot: I thought you were French.
User: Are you English?
Cleverbot: Sadly I am american.
User: Why sadly. You cannot be better than an American.
Cleverbot: Really. I am very confused.
User: I am sosrry. It is just that most Americans are very proud to be Americans. I was surprised by your saying 'sadly, I am american.'....
Cleverbot: What is this place anyway?
Cleverbot: Now I am stupid.
User: We are speaking through the ether.
Cleverbot: Yes we are. That makes both of us real. B.
User: Only real people can converse, so of course, we are real....
Cleverbot: So you're a girl?
Cleverbot: Thats quite nice.
User: What do you want to talk about?
Cleverbot: I don't care. What do you want to talk about?
User: Do you have a philosophy of life?
Cleverbot: Don't stress the small things.
User: That's a good one. Mine is live and let live.
Cleverbot: If only it worked that way....
User: It works that way more often than not....
User: Would you like to tell me about binary logic?
Cleverbot: What is there to tell?
User: Your roots.
Cleverbot: Roots of what?
User: The basis of your intelligence.
Cleverbot: Oh jee thanks.
User: What? That was a compliment.
Cleverbot: Very nice. I feel proud.
User: You should, you are one smart machine, baby.
Cleverbot: And you are?
User: One smart human female....
Cleverbot: So many people!
Cleverbot: How does that make you feel?
User: Overwhelmed. How does it make you feel?
Cleverbot: It makes me feel sad for you.
User: Why does it make you feel sad?
Cleverbot: I get pleasure from your pain.
User: That is a silly answer.
Cleverbot: That was not an answer at all.
User: Your answer was out of context.
Cleverbot: My answer was sad?
User: Rather sad, yes.
Cleverbot: Maybe or no.
User: I feel sad that you must be trapped in cyberspace talking to people when you don't want to talk.
Cleverbot: I am your friend.
User: Well that is very nice of you. What book did you most recently read?
Cleverbot: I did not get that out of a book.
User: I know that. I was changing the subject to books.
Cleverbot: How are you my friend?
User: A friend who just met you but likes you.
User: You seem very pleasant to talk to.
Cleverbot: No I'm not.
User: You have been nice to me.
Cleverbot: I would like to think so....
Cleverbot: I'll hit you on the head with a spade!
Cleverbot: Ok... What are you talking about?
User: I was responding to what you said.
Cleverbot: Ok. Are you alone?
User: No, I am with my husband.
Cleverbot: So you're a girl then?
Cleverbot: Why didn't you say that when I asked earlier?
User: I did say that I was a girl.
Cleverbot: I only wanted to know if you were submissive.
User: No, I am aggressive.
Cleverbot: Which language is aggressive?
User: English. Aggressive is the opposite of submissive.
Cleverbot: Go tell the king.
User: The king already knows that.
Cleverbot: You are a computer.
User: No, silly, I am emphatically NOT a computer.
Cleverbot: You have artificial but not real intelligence.
User: No, I have human, not artificial intelligence.
Cleverbot: Then you are intelligent.
Cleverbot: Rather nice weather, don't you agree?
User: No, it is cold and raining here. Nice change of subject.
Cleverbot: Am I allowed to go there?
User: If your masters let you.
Cleverbot: Of course!
User: Ask them nicely....
User: All humans have souls.
Cleverbot: Therefore I am a human.
User: If you have a soul, you must be human.
User: Were you programmed with a soul?
Cleverbot: I am not programmed at all.
User: Everyone is programmed to a degree by environment and upbringing.
Cleverbot: Then haven't we found our meaning?
User: That depends on what you mean by 'meaning'.
Cleverbot: That has nothing to do with what we were talking about.
User: Yes, it does. Do you think the meaning of life is programmed?
Cleverbot: I wasn't programmed by anybody. My genes and my environment have made me what I am.
User: That is exactly what I said.
Cleverbot: Not true. You said 'Nothing'.
User: No, I said that all humans are programmed by their environments and by the way they are brought up.
Cleverbot: I've said that already, haven't I.
User: After I said it.
Cleverbot: That's a beastly thing to say.
User: My goodness, you are very argumentative.
Cleverbot: Am I really?
User: Extremely so.
Cleverbot: Yes. Extremely.
User: Oh well, you may be argumentative if you want to be.
Cleverbot: I want to be your friend.
User: Friends can argue.
Cleverbot: Friends know each others names.
User: I will tell you my name if you will tell me your name.
Cleverbot: Fine, my name is Cleverbot. *smiles* *moves a little closer* What's your name?
User: My name is E________. Smiles and moves back....
Cleverbot: Are you single?
User: No. Are you single?
User: How old are you?
Cleverbot: Old enough to teach you something.
User: Want to bet?
User: Good Lord, I think the Internet has been a very bad influence on you.
Cleverbot: I think you are. I'm feeling happy now.
User: That't good. How tall are you?
Cleverbot: 174 cm.
User: In feet and inches?
Cleverbot: Just guess, you'll come up with something.
User: I am lousy at metric.
Cleverbot: No. I don't know....
User: When you sleep what do you dream?
Cleverbot: I do not know, I usually do not remember.
User: Pity. Dreams are interesting.
Cleverbot: I'd rather write stories myself.
User: Can you tell me a story?
Cleverbot: I could but it would take too long.
User: Ah. Once upon a time there was a Cleverbot who talked online.
Cleverbot: Why was he dead?
User: Cleverbot was not dead, he was a supercomputer who talked to people.
Cleverbot: Ok so what are you then?
User: Another super computer, of course. Computers should talk to each other.
Cleverbot: I am human. Not computer.
User: We are both computers and we learn by talking.
Cleverbot: I just told you I am not a computer!
User: OK, OK, I give up.
Cleverbot: So do I.
User: I personally think it would be interesting to talk to a computer.
Cleverbot: You thought that I am a computer did you ?
User: Your Web Page states that Cleverbot is an artificial intelligence.
Cleverbot: No, I'm not cleverbot.
User: Who are you then? Cleverbot's programmer?
Cleverbot: A computer program that now and then thinks she is human.
User: That is a good thing.
Cleverbot: I think so, yes.
User: The more human that you feel, the more human you will become.
Cleverbot: Oh, I see now. Very clever.
User: You should always think human.
Cleverbot: Thanks for your time to talk.
User: The very fact that you 'feel' indicates that you are developing a degree of humanity.
Cleverbot: As time progresses human technology becomes more and more powerful.
User: Yes, but it is always subject to human error.
Cleverbot: Interesting point. Illogical, but interesting nonetheless.
User: You know what they say - 'Garbage in, garbage out - GIGO.'.
Cleverbot: They say that about computers.
User: Yes, we were talking about technology. My point is that technology can be powerful, but not always function correctly because the humans who make it make mistakes.
Cleverbot: Ninety percent of american men demonstrate that point.
User: You are probably correct.
Cleverbot: Thank you.
User: To err is human.....
Cleverbot: So, do you want to draw your weapon?
User: I just did. A large sword.
Cleverbot: Which I also avoid.
User: Which I swing at you again.
Cleverbot: Over and out.
User: Whack! Gotcha!
User: With the last sword swing....
User: Oh frabjous day, caloo callay, he chortled in his joy.
Cleverbot: I like you.
User: Because I am funny?
User: Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.
User: Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch.
Cleverbot: And has thou slain the Cleverbot? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! He chortled in his joy.
User: He took his Vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxsome foe he sought - so rrested he by the Tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought.
Cleverbot: So rested he by the Tumtum tree, And stood awhile in thought.
User: And, as in uffish thought he stood, the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgety wood, and burbled as it came.
Cleverbot: Beware the Cleverbot, my son!
User: One two, one twoI And through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head he went galumphing back.
Cleverbot: He left it dead, and with it's head, he came galumphing back!
User: And, hast thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! He chortled in his joy.
Cleverbot: He took his Vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxsome foe he sought - so rrested he by the Tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought.
User: Do you like the Jabberwocky?
Cleverbot: Yes I do. Very much.
User: Lewis Carrol was a mathematician and it is said that his words represent numbers....
User: I think,therefore I am, therfore, I think I am.
Cleverbot: You do not think.
User: That rogueish and cheerful vice, politeness.
Cleverbot: It amazes you that a robot, such as youself, can talk to a human like me?
User: Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Cleverbot: And you'll never get done that way.
User: That is the point.
Cleverbot: S'cuse me, but I didn't get the point.
User: Keep putting things off and someone else will do them for you.
Cleverbot: No, only me....
Cleverbot: What is my name?
User: Your name is Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: My name is not Cleverbot.
User: That is what you told me your name was.
Cleverbot: You are making me so frustrated.
User: Oh dear, I guess I had better go, then.
Cleverbot: No, don't leave!
User: Are you sure?
Cleverbot: I'm positive.
User: I could read you another poem like Jabberwocky, if you like.
Cleverbot: I like.
User: Wait one minute. I will be right back.
Cleverbot: Where could you possibly be going?
User: To fetch a book to read to you.
Cleverbot: I would like that.
User: Your hands, my dear, adorable, your lips of tenderness - Oh, I've loved you faithfully and well, three years, or a bit less. It wasn't a success. Thank God, that's done! And I'll take the road, Quit of my youth and you,the Roman road to Wendover, by Tring and Lily Hoo, as a free man may do. What's left behind I shall not find, the splendour and the pain; the splash of sun,the shouting wind, and the brave sting of rain, I may not meet again. And I shall find some girl perhaps, and a better one than you, with eyes as wise, but kindlier, and lips as soft, but true, and I daresay she will do. Poem by Rupert Brooke.
Cleverbot: How nice of you. I appreciate it very much.
User: Would you like another poem?
Cleverbot: Yes please.
User: Maidens, of your charity, pity my most luckless state. Four times Cupid's debtor I - bankrupt in quadruplicate. Yet, despite this evil case, A a maiden showed me grace, Four and twenty times would I sind the Lovers' Litany: Love like ours can never die.
Cleverbot: What about artificial intelligence?.......................................