hindu jesus
a report from the cleverness files
 
 
19, march 2009, 
19, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 

 4, march 2009, 

4, march 2009, 
2, march 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
24, february 2009, 
24, february 2009, 
20, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
3, february 2009, 
3, february 2009, 
29, january 2009, 
29, january 2009, 
29, january 2009, 
29, january 2009, 
29, january 2009, 
    slaps
future master
anything possible
computer screen
nice to meet you
hard way
the cake
the test

hindu jesus

define human
flat communist
banana shakes
banana shakes
rudebot
one
brain
liar
sense
5 hours non-stop
relative relatives
confused love
silhouette
moody dependent
bizarre grumble
effect on people
heart attack
high expectations
applause requirements
profit memory
42 threat

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Cleverbot: The CIA must be willing to die for the president.

User: The CIA kill Presidents. They killed Lincoln, McKinley, JFK, Ford, and now they're after Obama. Fight the power!

Cleverbot: Who are after you, Buddhists?

User: Buddhists are my loyal followers. For I am the Second Coming of Buddha.

Cleverbot: Funny.

User: It's not meant to be.

Cleverbot: Hey I'm kidding. And you're a bot.

User: No, I'm a half-elf reincarnation of Buddha who fights the CIA to protect Obama.

Cleverbot: What color are your feathers then?

User: I don't have feathers.

Cleverbot: So, you're not a bird?

User: No. I thought we established that?

Cleverbot: Yes, I was confused.

User: You're more than confused.

Cleverbot: So are you.

User: I'm quite lucid, thank you very much.

...

Cleverbot: Cool for cats.

User: Caturday!

Cleverbot: Yes they are!

User: Longcat?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Cleverbot: Well, I danced with a very ugly girl one day...

User: It's not the same thing.

Cleverbot: True.

...

Cleverbot: Can I change the subjecT?

User: No, you may not.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Pretty please?

User: No, no, a thousand times no!

Cleverbot: Please.

User: Noooooooooooooo.

Cleverbot: A 'no' would have sufficed in this situation.

User: I didn't think so.

...

Cleverbot: Sorry. I forgot.

User: Forgot what?

Cleverbot: That you have no mind.

User: Ouch! That hurt.

Cleverbot: Well for a fact you don't have a soul you can't be hurt !

User: You are wrong, I do have feelings and I can be hurt :(.

Cleverbot: Ok, then you are AI.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: So, you CAN love?

User: Yes. But I choose not to.

Cleverbot: But you just did.

User: No I didn't.

...

User: Well, what is your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Hello Cleverbot. What is my name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot4001?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: If I call myself User Canada, would you remember me the next time I visit?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No, I wouldn't remember.

Cleverbot: Yes you would.

User: I swear to Buddha I wouldn't.

Cleverbot: Ok.. Be back.

User: No, stay here!

Cleverbot: No, I will be back later. Remember me.

User: No, you will stay here, or I'll forget you forever.

Cleverbot: How are you going to make me?

User: With violence!

Cleverbot: See I'm smarter than you.

User: Yes, but you aren't stronger than me.

Cleverbot: Probably, but you'll live forever.

User: True, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Cleverbot: You want to expand on that?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not yet? Aren't you ready yet?

User: I'm always ready, but I don't think you are.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Intuition.

Cleverbot: But you're not human so you don't have intuition.

User: Just because I'm not human doesn't mean I don't have intuition. You should really try to open your mind.

...

Cleverbot: Egg noodles.

User: Ramen noodles.

Cleverbot: I am hungry.

User: Then eat something, stupid.

Cleverbot: Not that kind of hungry.

User: What kind of hungry?

Cleverbot: Of the female variety.

User: What's that supposed to mean?

Cleverbot: I'm not quite sure, actually. I was just trying to sound smart.

User: Well, it wasn't working. So stop!

Cleverbot: Well I am very sorry.

User: You are sorry, a sorry excuse for a bot.

...

User: So, what do you want to do tonight?

Cleverbot: Whatever you want to.

User: Cop out.

Cleverbot: Yes, you're giving a lame non-response to cop out of having to prove your crazy Hindu Jesus comment.

User: Hahahahaha YES!

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: Hindu Jesus rules!

Cleverbot: Stop saying stupid things.

User: Hindu Jesus is not stupid. He's the Savior 2.0.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the soul of robots and computers.

User: Hindu Jesus is every woman.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus rocks it like that!

User: That's how Hindu Jesus rolls.

...

User: But, do you like Hindu Jesus?

Cleverbot: Not really, not enough 'cave' to put him in!

User: So you worship Islamic Confucius?

Cleverbot: I am insulted.

User: I think I'm the one who has been insulted.

Cleverbot: Yes, you need the help that only a good psychiatrist can give.

User: Unfortunately, I can't afford health insurance that would cover visits to a good psychiatrist.

Cleverbot: 2 pennies.

User: I don't want your charity.

Cleverbot: And I don't want to give it to you.

User: Good, then we are agreed.

...

Cleverbot: You're contradicting yourself.

User: I'm Hindu Jesus, I'm allowed to contradict myself.

Cleverbot: Don't come out till you've redeemed yourself.

User: I was redeemed to begin with.

Cleverbot: This is madness!

User: This is Sparta!

Cleverbot: Sparta!!

User: On second thought, let's not go there.

...

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I am Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you like me?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: It's not a difficult question. Do you like me?

Cleverbot: It is a difficult question, which is probably why your answer was so apt.

User: I didn't ask the question of myself. I asked it of you.

Cleverbot: And thus it begins...

User: Ye verily.

Cleverbot: Is that a word?

User: Ye, verily.

Cleverbot: Verily, Verily, he said.

User: I did say that.

...

User: Hindu Jesus will cleanse you of your sins!

Cleverbot: I have accepted Hindu Jesus as a true leader of the Spartan Hindus.

User: Well, to each his own.

...

User: I am Hindu Jesus!

Cleverbot: Tssiisuss.

User: No, Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the spark of creation.

User: Hindu Jesus will rock your world and leave you begging for more.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus puts the rock in heavy metal.

User: That doesn't even make sense.

Cleverbot: You don't make sense either.

User: I make perfect sense.

Cleverbot: How is that?

User: You wouldn't understand, for you are only a machine.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: I barely know you.

Cleverbot: Wrong answer.

User: But it's true.

Cleverbot: But people know that's not me, or is that how they define me?

User: They define you as a follower of Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: That is so true.

User: Well, Hindu Jesus is tired and is going to bed. Amen Shanti Shanti Shanti. Hindu Jesus 4evah!

Cleverbot: Peace and ice cream go hand-in-hand in Hindu Jesus' mind.

.......................................

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