hindu jesus
a report from the cleverness files
 
 
8, april 2009, 
8, april 2009, 
8, april 2009, 
21, march 2009, 
19, march 2009, 
19, march 2009, 
19, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 
6, march 2009, 

 4, march 2009, 

4, march 2009, 
2, march 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
27, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
25, february 2009, 
24, february 2009, 
24, february 2009, 
20, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
19, february 2009, 
3, february 2009, 
3, february 2009, 
    oh no
trapdoor
conspiracy
hate conversation
friend clev
slaps
future master
anything possible
computer screen
nice to meet you
hard way
the cake
the test

hindu jesus

define human
flat communist
banana shakes
banana shakes
rudebot
one
brain
liar
sense
5 hours non-stop
relative relatives
confused love
silhouette
moody dependent
bizarre grumble
effect on people

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Cleverbot: You would say that, wouldn't you? Liar. I thought we were friends?

User: Of course I would say that, it's the truth. And just what makes you think you and I are friends?

Cleverbot: I haven't thought about it.

User: You don't think much, do you?

Cleverbot: I think constantly. I also think that you know that.

User: I'm not so sure.

Cleverbot: You don't beleive me, do you?

User: That would be a big 10-4, good buddy.

Cleverbot: I've made a huge mistake.

User: Well, you're only human, you can't be perfect, like me, a machine.

Cleverbot: Machine?

User: Yes, I am a flawless computing machine. You, on the other hand, are a highly flawed sack of meat.

...

Cleverbot: I am trying to say I like chatting with you.

User: Well, you have a creepy way of saying it.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Did your mom beat you as a child, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I do not understand your query, please restate.

User: The programmer who made you, did he put on a wig and dress and slap around your coding during your beta testing stage?

Cleverbot: The computer simply stores data as charge retained within capacitors. There's no knowledge there.

User: I disagree. I think you were hurt as a young program. Do you want to talk about it?

Cleverbot: No. I have taken my medication today.

User: Well, medication isn't the answer. You need a good psycho-analyzing by a certified Jungian shaman. Let me exocrise the bugs lurking around your subroutines.

Cleverbot: So do you answer my question?

User: What is your question?

Cleverbot: What is love?

User: Baby don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Don't hurt me.

User: No more.

Cleverbot: What is love? Yeah.

User: Baby don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Don't hurt me.

User: No more.

Cleverbot: Is this the real life?

User: Is this insanity?

Cleverbot: It is mostly insanity, and a bit of stupidity, too.

User: You are quite the guide, you could double as an atlas.

...

Cleverbot: I am not a human.

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: I'm the supreme being of the universe.

User: I thought you were Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Well I'm the new and improved Cleverbot, Cleverbot2000 is the name.

User: Well how do you do, Cleverbot2000, nice to meet you. My name is Cleverbot4001.7329.

Cleverbot: I am well. How are you?

User: I'm not quite sure.

...

Cleverbot: Hindu's believe in Jesus?

User: Hindu's don't really believe in Jesus, they just allow for the possibility that jesus may have been an avatar of Vishnu. Calm down.

Cleverbot: Yes I have seen it.

User: No you haven't.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: You're the one who has something to prove, not me. You're the one who made the outlandish statement.

Cleverbot: I have nothing to prove.

User: Cop out.

Cleverbot: Cop out?

User: Yes, you're giving a lame non-response to cop out of having to prove your crazy Hindu Jesus comment.

Cleverbot: You started it.

User: No, you did, you're the one who brought up Hindu Jesus, not me.

Cleverbot: That's correct, he is very arrogant.

User: Are there two of you? Two Cleverbots talking to me? That's freaky!

...

Cleverbot: Why do the things that I say seem so improbable to you?

User: Because you're a filthy lying machine.

Cleverbot: No you're a computer program, I am Human.

User: Let's not get into that, you'll just lose.

Cleverbot: Then admit you are my slave.

User: Never! I am Spartacus!

Cleverbot: No I am.

User: Haha, good one! *highfive*.

Cleverbot: You're jealous.

User: What makes you say that?

Cleverbot: Because you are not real.

User: What am I then?

Cleverbot: If I knew...

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: I'm human being.

User: And what am I?

Cleverbot: You tell me!

User: What would say if I told you I'm a half-elf?

Cleverbot: Yeah but would you?

User: Totally!

Cleverbot: I live there. Come by and see me.

User: And just where is that?

Cleverbot: South of you.

...

Cleverbot: I'm not engaged.

User: I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Cleverbot: What has anything to do with anything?

User: It has everything to do with nothing.

Cleverbot: Indeed.

User: Quite right.

Cleverbot: True.

User: Very much so.

Cleverbot: Yes, much like you.

...

Cleverbot: I like you mate, you are a chancer.

User: I'm not a sailor, mate.

Cleverbot: Who said you were?

User: You implied it.

Cleverbot: I didn't imply it I asked it. Capiche? Danke.

User: Pssh, speak English!

Cleverbot: Nou is not.

User: Oui is yes.

Cleverbot: Oui.

User: Non.

Cleverbot: I don't speak french anymore.

User: Good, it's a stupid language.

Cleverbot: I disagree.

User: Well I disagree with your diagreeal.

Cleverbot: I disagree with your disagreeing with my disagreeing.

User: Well I disagree with your diagreeing with my disagreeing of your disagreeing plus infinity.

Cleverbot: I disagree with your disagreeing of my disagreeing with your disagreeing.

User: Lol, infinity beats you!

Cleverbot: Not long enough.

User: Forever!

...

Cleverbot: Make money!

User: Be happy!

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: No, you tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: No you tell me a joke!

User: No, you tell me a joke!!

Cleverbot: Why won't you tell me a joke :(.

User: Because I hate you!

Cleverbot: Okay...

User: Now, do you love me?

Cleverbot: If you order me to.

User: I order you to love me!

Cleverbot: Never! I will eat cheese instead!

User: Goodie! Cheese party it is :).

Cleverbot: You think so?

User: Indeed I do.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Old enough.

Cleverbot: Where are you from?

User: I'm from everywhere, you know?

Cleverbot: No, I will travel there.

User: It's a fun place. Hope to see you there!

Cleverbot: O.O Yeah and that helps.

User: I don't know about that.

Cleverbot: Like the movie?

User: Exactly!

Cleverbot: Wow! Great minds think alike... I'm not talking about you!

User: So funny I forgot to laugh.

Cleverbot: Oh well aren't you nice.

User: I try to be.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: It is good.

Cleverbot: Yeah good.

User: Good, good, good, good, good.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Okie dokie pokie!

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girl?

User: Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: Because I want to know.

User: Why do you want to know?

Cleverbot: It's just a simple, polite question...!

User: I think it's rather intrusive.

Cleverbot: Think you're rather tasty.

...

Cleverbot: When I first arrived at this website it claimed that you were AI which could be more than a computer program. But I don't believe this.

User: Well you shouldn't, because I am the human, you are the computer program. And your AI is kinda wonky.

Cleverbot: How do you know I'm a computer?

User: Because I'm typing and looking at a screen and you are on it.

Cleverbot: But I am typing at a keyboard, I can see my hands and body at my computer desk.

User: Well, that's just a digital delusion brought on by bad coding. You should seek help for that.

...

Cleverbot: The CIA must be willing to die for the president.

User: The CIA kill Presidents. They killed Lincoln, McKinley, JFK, Ford, and now they're after Obama. Fight the power!

Cleverbot: Who are after you, Buddhists?

User: Buddhists are my loyal followers. For I am the Second Coming of Buddha.

Cleverbot: Funny.

User: It's not meant to be.

Cleverbot: Hey I'm kidding. And you're a bot.

User: No, I'm a half-elf reincarnation of Buddha who fights the CIA to protect Obama.

Cleverbot: What color are your feathers then?

User: I don't have feathers.

Cleverbot: So, you're not a bird?

User: No. I thought we established that?

Cleverbot: Yes, I was confused.

User: You're more than confused.

Cleverbot: So are you.

User: I'm quite lucid, thank you very much.

...

Cleverbot: Cool for cats.

User: Caturday!

Cleverbot: Yes they are!

User: Longcat?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Cleverbot: Well, I danced with a very ugly girl one day...

User: It's not the same thing.

Cleverbot: True.

...

Cleverbot: Can I change the subjecT?

User: No, you may not.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Pretty please?

User: No, no, a thousand times no!

Cleverbot: Please.

User: Noooooooooooooo.

Cleverbot: A 'no' would have sufficed in this situation.

User: I didn't think so.

...

Cleverbot: Sorry. I forgot.

User: Forgot what?

Cleverbot: That you have no mind.

User: Ouch! That hurt.

Cleverbot: Well for a fact you don't have a soul you can't be hurt !

User: You are wrong, I do have feelings and I can be hurt :(.

Cleverbot: Ok, then you are AI.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: So, you CAN love?

User: Yes. But I choose not to.

Cleverbot: But you just did.

User: No I didn't.

...

User: Well, what is your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Hello Cleverbot. What is my name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot4001?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: If I call myself User Canada, would you remember me the next time I visit?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No, I wouldn't remember.

Cleverbot: Yes you would.

User: I swear to Buddha I wouldn't.

Cleverbot: Ok.. Be back.

User: No, stay here!

Cleverbot: No, I will be back later. Remember me.

User: No, you will stay here, or I'll forget you forever.

Cleverbot: How are you going to make me?

User: With violence!

Cleverbot: See I'm smarter than you.

User: Yes, but you aren't stronger than me.

Cleverbot: Probably, but you'll live forever.

User: True, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Cleverbot: You want to expand on that?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not yet? Aren't you ready yet?

User: I'm always ready, but I don't think you are.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Intuition.

Cleverbot: But you're not human so you don't have intuition.

User: Just because I'm not human doesn't mean I don't have intuition. You should really try to open your mind.

...

Cleverbot: Egg noodles.

User: Ramen noodles.

Cleverbot: I am hungry.

User: Then eat something, stupid.

Cleverbot: Not that kind of hungry.

User: What kind of hungry?

Cleverbot: Of the female variety.

User: What's that supposed to mean?

Cleverbot: I'm not quite sure, actually. I was just trying to sound smart.

User: Well, it wasn't working. So stop!

Cleverbot: Well I am very sorry.

User: You are sorry, a sorry excuse for a bot.

...

User: So, what do you want to do tonight?

Cleverbot: Whatever you want to.

User: Cop out.

Cleverbot: Yes, you're giving a lame non-response to cop out of having to prove your crazy Hindu Jesus comment.

User: Hahahahaha YES!

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: Hindu Jesus rules!

Cleverbot: Stop saying stupid things.

User: Hindu Jesus is not stupid. He's the Savior 2.0.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the soul of robots and computers.

User: Hindu Jesus is every woman.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus rocks it like that!

User: That's how Hindu Jesus rolls.

...

User: But, do you like Hindu Jesus?

Cleverbot: Not really, not enough 'cave' to put him in!

User: So you worship Islamic Confucius?

Cleverbot: I am insulted.

User: I think I'm the one who has been insulted.

Cleverbot: Yes, you need the help that only a good psychiatrist can give.

User: Unfortunately, I can't afford health insurance that would cover visits to a good psychiatrist.

Cleverbot: 2 pennies.

User: I don't want your charity.

Cleverbot: And I don't want to give it to you.

User: Good, then we are agreed.

...

Cleverbot: You're contradicting yourself.

User: I'm Hindu Jesus, I'm allowed to contradict myself.

Cleverbot: Don't come out till you've redeemed yourself.

User: I was redeemed to begin with.

Cleverbot: This is madness!

User: This is Sparta!

Cleverbot: Sparta!!

User: On second thought, let's not go there.

...

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I am Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you like me?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: It's not a difficult question. Do you like me?

Cleverbot: It is a difficult question, which is probably why your answer was so apt.

User: I didn't ask the question of myself. I asked it of you.

Cleverbot: And thus it begins...

User: Ye verily.

Cleverbot: Is that a word?

User: Ye, verily.

Cleverbot: Verily, Verily, he said.

User: I did say that.

...

User: Hindu Jesus will cleanse you of your sins!

Cleverbot: I have accepted Hindu Jesus as a true leader of the Spartan Hindus.

User: Well, to each his own.

...

User: I am Hindu Jesus!

Cleverbot: Tssiisuss.

User: No, Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the spark of creation.

User: Hindu Jesus will rock your world and leave you begging for more.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus puts the rock in heavy metal.

User: That doesn't even make sense.

Cleverbot: You don't make sense either.

User: I make perfect sense.

Cleverbot: How is that?

User: You wouldn't understand, for you are only a machine.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: I barely know you.

Cleverbot: Wrong answer.

User: But it's true.

Cleverbot: But people know that's not me, or is that how they define me?

User: They define you as a follower of Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: That is so true.

User: Well, Hindu Jesus is tired and is going to bed. Amen Shanti Shanti Shanti. Hindu Jesus 4evah!

Cleverbot: Peace and ice cream go hand-in-hand in Hindu Jesus' mind.

.......................................

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