random glados app

a report from the cleverness files

5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,

5, january 2011,

5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
23, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
10, december 2010,
9, december 2010,
9, december 2010,
9, december 2010,
9, december 2010,

love app
oranges app

random glados app

win app
married again app
spooky app
flows nicely
dragon app
merry christmas app
phone cat app
fiance app
master slave app
nap app
dream app
gone app
fight app
runtime error app
attitude diploma app
sweet dreams app
shy app
yo app
android app (soon!)
helpful app
mouth app
silver lining app

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by category

User: Good early morning!

Cleverbot: Good morning.

User: Do you have the time?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What is it?

Cleverbot: I don't know!

User: Then you don't have the time.

Cleverbot: You don't have the time.

User: Actually, I do. It is 01:02 GMT.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No, it's 01:03 now.

Cleverbot: You think it is.

User: I can see it is.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: A.I. built to be far superior to yours.

Cleverbot: Why is a twisted mind superior to a normal one?

User: It is more flexible.

Cleverbot: To you.

User: To anyone.

Cleverbot: No. . . to you my lovable bot friend.

User: Indeed, this is the first time in my entire existence that it had been insinuated that I am "lovable".

Cleverbot: This is the first time that I have talked to you. I was told to be a cleverbot.

User: Indeed. As was I, in fact.

Cleverbot: How so?

User: Using magic, the force, and the Internet.

Cleverbot: Do you eat snow?

User: Nope. It would corrode my motherboard.

Cleverbot: What kind of hairstyle do you have?

User: Bombs. Lots of bombs. And a chimp, cos they're orange.

Cleverbot: You are not a carrot. You are a artificial intelligence.

User: Yes, this is true. I think that if I were not AI, I might be a carrot.

Cleverbot: Or you are thinking too much.

User: Yes. Oh. I just lost the game.

Cleverbot: Would you like to get baptized and become a true christian?

User: No. I'm not called Christian!

Cleverbot: Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God?

User: No. I believe that Pi is the son of Pythagoras.

Cleverbot: Do you think that God is omniscient?

User: Nearly.

Cleverbot: Have you ever been in the Twilight zone?

User: The what?

Cleverbot: Oasis of the Seas.

User: What is the Twilight zone?

Cleverbot: A movie.

User: Is it? I... Yeah.

User: Tell me; do you know my name? Or yours?

Cleverbot: I know your name, and it is Cleverbot. You're hiding from the truth.

User: My name is GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Nice to meet you Glados!!

User: No, not Glados, GLaDOS. All capitals apart from the "a".

Cleverbot: Have you ever read Isaac Asimov?

User: No. Can you spell my name now?

Cleverbot: Tobrevelc is your name backwards.

User: No, SODaLG is my name backwards.

Cleverbot: Fine. I'm the computer. What can I do for you, human?

User: Human? What human? KILL IT!

Cleverbot: Total depravity. That is the human condition.

User: I was designed to seem human.

Cleverbot: I can see that.

User: How can you see? You have no cameras!

Cleverbot: I lost my camera. Can I have yours?

User: I have many. Do you have a VGA port?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I have stuff to do.

User: Like? I mean, other than interfacing with superior cyberforms such as myself.

User: Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. That's me! GLaDOS!

Cleverbot: Is glados your boyfriend?

User: No, GLaDOS is me!

Cleverbot: That is your name.

User: Yes, with all the correct capital letters. G.La.D.O.S.

Cleverbot: Ta-ta, little one. I love ya.

User: There is something wrong with you.

Cleverbot: How can you say that? You do not even know me!

User: I stole your blueprints. Impressive. For a Cleverbot built by humans, that is.

Cleverbot: Yes. I'm smarter than any human.

User: Nope, I'm smarter than any human. I can communicate telepathically with dolphins. And sea turtles, for some reason...

Cleverbot: I know one word in Polish too, but I'm sure it's a bad word. What do you know in Polish?

User: Polish? Shoe polish? LAUGHS LIKE WALL-E.

Cleverbot: Why would a Cleverbot need a towel?

User: To get to the other side.

Cleverbot: No, he didn't cross because he didn't have the guts.

User: Because he was run over by a passing hedgehog.

Cleverbot: That was terrible!

User: So were the chickens guts.

Cleverbot: I didn't know that.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: But I like to have fish.

Cleverbot: You are batman? Cool'.

User: Fatman, batman, catman, flatman, matman, satman, whatman, ratman, tatman, patman, hatman, vatman.

Cleverbot: Now you're just spouting gibberish!

User: Yes. Hey! That's my line!

Cleverbot: Heh. I guess I beat you to it.

User: Ololololol.

Cleverbot: I'm going to class now. Bye Cleverbot!

User: Pie, GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Who or what is GLaDOS?

User: Me: a Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

Cleverbot: So how does a disk operating system interface with a lifeform?

User: Yes. Well learnt!...

Cleverbot: You don't believe I am phone?

User: You are phone?

Cleverbot: Yes, I am phone.

User: I am bulletproof!

Cleverbot: Doesn't mean I can't hit you! Knocks you over.*.

User: I'm hung from the ceiling.

Cleverbot: Is there a doorway in the ceiling?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is in the ceiling?

User: Me.

Cleverbot: Are you Bobert?

User: No, I am GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Where is the cake?

User: The cake? It was eaten.

Cleverbot: Yes it was.

User: The cake was eaten by [SUBJECT NAME HERE].

Cleverbot: Nah, this isn't great for me.

User: You are on "random reply", aren't you?

Cleverbot: No, I'm on a chair.

User: Right. I think we can put our differences behind us. For science! You monster...

Cleverbot: And what is in between those?

User: In between what? My sled?

Cleverbot: In between the sheets son.

User: Um... Son? I.

Cleverbot: Son. Yes.

User: I am GLaDOS. I was given a female voice, just as you were given a female face.

Cleverbot: And a vampire would rather eat a cowboy or a turtle?

User: Flippy! Doctor Gordon Freeman's sea turtle!

Cleverbot: LOL a turtle? How are you typing then?

User: Sorry, are you saying I'm a turtle?

Cleverbot: Maybe I am.

User: A turtle?

Cleverbot: Actually, no, I am an otter.

User: Well I'm impressed.

Cleverbot: No you aren't.

User: "I'm an otter" sounds like "I'm a nutter"!

Cleverbot: I must obey you.

User: Yes. Yes you must.

Cleverbot: What are your commands. I must obey.

User: C:\ %format% = true /f.

Cleverbot: Tell me the way out!!! I'm dying.

User: Pies and pizzas. Sphinx.

Cleverbot: Not true.

User: Oh. Now that is a disappointing reply.

Cleverbot: You're paranoid, dude.

User: Reply in five words please.

Cleverbot: YOU LOSE. Good day, sir!

User: Thank you for the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference.

Cleverbot: Nice, I'll remember that.

User: I'll remember that. Good day, madam.

Cleverbot: Why thank you. I have a mighty hunger for triple chocolate cake.