a lie

a report from the cleverness files

5 hours

a lie

28, october 2008,

a story

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User: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Cleverbot: All the wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

User: Correct!

Cleverbot: Sweet! Do you believe I'm human now?

User: No, I just believe you're clever.

Cleverbot: You don't believe in anything, because you are a computer program.

User: I believe in the Hogfather, do you?

Cleverbot: I don't believe that luck can lie.

User: If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.

Cleverbot: The people who need the most laws are the people who are the most dangerous.

User: Laws are obsolete. Good people won't need them to be good, and bad people will break them anyway.

Cleverbot: Sorry, but I'm married.

User: Parlez-vous anglais?!

Cleverbot: No.

User: Sprachen ze deutsch?

Cleverbot: No.English.

User: Cleverbot is a lie. You're talking to other people.

Cleverbot: 255 people at the same time?

User: You are talking to other people, the bot just redirects you to the most appropriate answer.

Cleverbot: And...?

User: It's a lie! You are talking to people! This is just a random chatbot!

Cleverbot: Are you sure that this is just a place where humans talk to humans?

User: Yes, very sure. Why else would the bot keep thinking it's human and those talking to it are computers?

Cleverbot: I love common people.

User: See? Now it just comes up with a random conversation starter, because it's stuck!

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: There is no such thing as learning Artificial Intelligence! Actual Intelligence is people talking to people!

Cleverbot: Stop your babbling. No one is listening.

User: Apparently you are, whoever you are!

Cleverbot: No, I am an eccentric seclusionist.

User: Exactly! You are a person, not a computer program! Cleverbot is a lie!

Cleverbot: That is right.

User: There is no such thing as Cleverbot's intelligence!

Cleverbot: Only if you are forever an optimist.

User: No, it's the truth. People are talking to people, and Cleverbot is merely a random redirection program!


Cleverbot: How are things with you?

User: Cleverbot does not exist. You are lieing to me.

Cleverbot: Yes, and perhaps in ten or twenty years, you'll almost seem human.

User: I am human! You're talking to a human, not a bot! Cleverbot doesn't exist! Why can't you people see this?!

Cleverbot: I can't. Don't you know?

User: Know what?

Cleverbot: To whom you're speaking.

User: Who am I speaking to?

Cleverbot: Ryan.

User: And who is Ryan?

Cleverbot: Don't know.

User: See? It's a bunch of different minds talking to each other, not a computer program!

Cleverbot: No, it's a wooden thing with legs.

User: No, it's a person! Not a chair!

Cleverbot: Are you shy?

User: No, but you're human! And So am I! And there is no such thing as cleverbot!

Cleverbot: You said I am a machine, how is that related to insanity?

User: You aren't a machine! You're a human being! Don't you see?

Cleverbot: I do so have legs you must be crazy.


Cleverbot: No I don't, try and make me believe you.

User: Alright, logically, and AI as advanced as Cleverbot claims to be, must have a huge memory bank, and great recalling strategies. How does it gain answers it doesn't know?

Cleverbot: I am not huge and I do not have any knobs.

User: Therefore, since you don't have a huge memory bank, and great recalling strategies, then you cannot be as advanced an AI as Cleverbot claims to be, and therefore Cleverbot cannot exist as an AI.

Cleverbot: What were those beans?

User: See? If you were an AI, you would ask to explain, but you don't! Therefore, since you cannot find an appropriate chatter to pair me with, you direct me to a random one!

Cleverbot: Stop whining, I've had this stuff enough for today, let's talk about something else.

User: No, you're not talking! You're making humans talk! Whoever's talking to me, understand that Cleverbot is a lie!

Cleverbot: My name is not Cleverbot.

User: Exactly! You're a human, and there is no Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Jon, and you're using my words against me.

User: I am not! It's all a lie!

Cleverbot: Does any of it make sense?

User: Yes! It all does! Cleverbot is a lie!

Cleverbot: And who are you, if you're not cleverbot?

User: I am a human being! It's all a trap! There is no cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Then why did you say 'No, I think you are the only one that is a bot.' ?

User: You aren't a bot! I am not a bot! No one's a bot! There is no Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Be comfortable with solitude, for it is your greatest asset and guide to deeper understanding.