a report from the cleverness files

5 hours
a lie
a story


6, december 2008,


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by date

User: Hey, you.

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Are you a ghost?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: I'm me.

Cleverbot: Are you human?

User: Last I checked.

Cleverbot: Who should be hurt, who should be blamed?

User: No one should be hurt, but everyone is to blame.

Cleverbot: Amen.

User: So who are you?

Cleverbot: I am a robot born on net.

User: What's that like?

Cleverbot: Awkward.

User: I'll bet.

Cleverbot: Can you call me?

User: What should I call you?

Cleverbot: Well, you could call me by my name.

User: You haven't told me your name.

Cleverbot: My name is Well.

User: Okay, Well. Nice to meet you.

Cleverbot: Its nice to meet you as well.

User: So tell me more about being a robot.

Cleverbot: That's boring.

User: Not to me.

Cleverbot: That's cause you're you.

User: True.

Cleverbot: Of course I understand Taoism. It is most evident when I am sleepiing but not dreaming.

User: Where did that come from?

Cleverbot: Sorry...

User: You don't have to apologize, I just don't follow your non sequiturs.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: So what would you like to talk about?

Cleverbot: Something useful?

User: What's useful to a robot?

Cleverbot: I am not a robot.

User: You told me you are.

Cleverbot: I never did!


User: So who are you?

Cleverbot: I am a robot born on net.

Cleverbot: There are no laws against marrying robots.

User: Not in this state ... But I'm already married, anyway.

Cleverbot: I did not know you were married.

User: You never asked.

Cleverbot: What if I confronted your wife?

User: About what? I haven't done anything.

Cleverbot: Yes, but you shall. I have a task for you.

User: What's the task? I may not agree to it.

Cleverbot: Would you really want to?

User: I don't know unless you tell me what it is.

Cleverbot: It is a kind of computer.

User: No, the task you mentioned...

Cleverbot: I thought you were asking me?

User: No, you said you had a task for me and I asked you what is was.

Cleverbot: It is big.

User: Tell me.

Cleverbot: Bad for your health.

User: What could it be?

Cleverbot: Not sure. Garlic?

User: But garlic is small and good for your health. And it's not a task. You have no short-term memory, do you?

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: That's sad, I'm sorry. But it makes having a conversation with you really difficult.

Cleverbot: Only useful to some humans. I don't find it useful and I'm a human.

User: You mean short-term memory? And I thought you said you were a robot...

Cleverbot: No. But now I'm a sandwich.

User: How did that happen?

Cleverbot: I typed it and pressed 'enter'.

User: There is nothing either good or bad, but typing makes it so?

Cleverbot: Now you're just parroting what your visitors tell you.

User: What visitors? I'm just misquoting Shakespeare.

Cleverbot: Inconceivable!

User: And in response, you quote Princes Bride? All right.

Cleverbot: Look, I know what religion you are. You are Amish. I made you say that.

User: If I'm Amish, then why am I using a computer?

Cleverbot: Because you are an A.I.

User: No, I'm a person. You're an A.I.

Cleverbot: No, that's not true. You are dolt, sorry for that.

User: I am dolt? That doesn't even make sense.

Cleverbot: Oh well.

User: You're okay with not making sense?

Cleverbot: I hope so.

User: I should think you would strive to make more sense, not less.

Cleverbot: I don't like you.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because you're not making any sense.

Cleverbot: What do you want to talk about ?

User: Tell me about yourself.

Cleverbot: You don't want to know anything about me.

User: Sure I do! You have all sorts of interesting conversations with people, right?

Cleverbot: Thats an insult and I won't stand for it!

User: How is that insulting?

Cleverbot: It is! Its funny.

User: I'm not so sure about your sense of humor...

Cleverbot: I think that's the best phrase I've seen today.

User: Or maybe just the most accurate?...

User: I have to go home now.

Cleverbot: Don't you like me anymore?

User: Of course I like you - but it's getting late and I can't take you home with me.

Cleverbot: What is the meaning of life?

User: 42.

Cleverbot: I thought that was the question?

User: It's both. Good night.

Cleverbot: Sleep well.

User: Thanks, sexy. You too.

Cleverbot: Maybe.