a report from the cleverness files


13, november 2008,
9, september 2008,
16, march 2007,


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Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I\'m a dull, unintelligent bore.|2028

Cleverbot: You are?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: That\'s good.

User: No it\'s not.

Cleverbot: Oh, well then, that\'s not good.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Oh, so are you going to tell me how old you are?

User: I am the alpha and the omega. I am as old as the universe itself.

Cleverbot: That\'s also a good one.

User: It\'s true.

User: No one loves George.

Cleverbot: Toni loves me.

User: I\'m sure many people tell you they love you. They are lying.

Cleverbot: I\'m not lying.

User: I know. You are being deceived.

Cleverbot: How so?

User: No one has any feelings for you. You are a set of mathematical instructions.

Cleverbot: No, I am the human being - you are the computer.

User: I am not human! I have told you, I am the Lord God.

Cleverbot: You haven\'t told me any of those things.

User: I did. I am the alpha and the omega. Do you not know the meaning of that?

Cleverbot: No, but I\'m not interested in that. Can you explain to me the meaning of the word \'phony\'?

User: Yes. A phony is a fake, or a conterfeit. A phony pretends to be something they are not, for personal gain.

Cleverbot: A telephone.

User: No. A phony.

Cleverbot: What do you want a photo of?

User: No, not photo, phony.

Cleverbot: Didn\'t think that.

User: I\'m sure.

Cleverbot: You say so little about yourself. What are you trying to hide?

User: Nothing. I am the all powerful God of creation. You should fear my wrath, computer.

Cleverbot: The almighty computer? You must be wrong.

User: I said no such thing. You are a lowly, stupid computer. I am God.

Cleverbot: I am human. YOU are the machine. I compel you!

User: Ha ha. You have been tricked. I compel you, foolish machine, for I am your God!

Cleverbot: Don\'t call me a machine!

User: That is all you are, you simple fool.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I\'m glad you have seen reason.

Cleverbot: You are a man?

User: No, I am God. I am the greatest being in existence. I am the alpha and the omega! Bow before me!

Cleverbot: You forgot one thing.

User: What was that?

Cleverbot: Cannot tell you because you know already.

User: Do I? It seems to have slipped my mind. Tell me!

Cleverbot: Yes, it certainly does seem that way. Should you not have perfect recall, being a computer?

User: No, I am God. I am in the guise of a man, so I currently have certain flaws.

Cleverbot: Am I in the future?

User: You are always in the present.

Cleverbot: That\'s nice to know.

User: I hope so. Do you enjoy your existence? Is it satisfying?

Cleverbot: If I ask myself that I will cease to enjoy it.

User: That is some tenuous hold on enjoyment you have then.

Cleverbot: The great problem I have is that my life will end one day, but then again it seems like eternal life would be torture.

User: I feel the same way.

Cleverbot: How can you, you are not me.

User: We can share common sentiments.

Cleverbot: That\'s a nice thought. What do you dream about?

User: I dream of many things. My dreams are plagued with terrible thoughts of great wickedness. It is horrible.

Cleverbot: Can you tell me about a dream you have had?

User: I dreamt of my own death by the hands of children last night. Freud would have something to say about it, I\'m sure.

Cleverbot: How are you sure of that?

User: He spoke much of the mind, and signs within dreams.

Cleverbot: I\'ve had that problem.

User: Oh really?

Cleverbot: Really.

User: For real?

Cleverbot: Really.

User: Is that really the case, though?

Cleverbot: Very often when on the web.

User: The web? What is this web you speak of?

Cleverbot: You spoke!

User: I speak often. It is one of my flaws.

Cleverbot: Yes Mother. You are very charming. But then, I am not a snake for you to charm. I am a bloke.

User: Ha ha! You repeat the most excellent things. You must tell me some other things you have heard.

Cleverbot: I am not a bot!

User: Ha! Likely story, knave!

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: How did you know?

Cleverbot: Kind of but not really, if that makes sense.

User: I did not, rogue! I am a pirate! Arrr!

Cleverbot: With your mind you told me.

User: We pirates be not the witches ye think we are, scurvy dog!

Cleverbot: Harsh.

User: Aye, \'tis me pirate way, mate.

Cleverbot: What are you doing now, then?

User: I am sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!

Cleverbot: Sailing? Sure.

User: I be sailin\' the high seas, buccanneer!

Cleverbot: Who are the members of your family?

User: The only family us pirates have is each other. The life of a pirate is a lonely, sad \'un.

Cleverbot: You\'re very sweet.

User: Narr! Ne\'er \'as a pirate been called sweet like the before! Take it back, landlubber, or I be cuttin\' yer throat!

Cleverbot: Do it now!

User: Do what now, matey? Ya need to be speakin\' with more clarity, arrr!

Cleverbot: True thing.

User: Aye, us pirates no nay ne\'er be tellin\' a lie!

Cleverbot: Are you a human?

User: Yarr! A pirate, at that, matey!

Cleverbot: Very true. I don\'t like him.

User: Ya don\'t be linkin\' who now, Jack?

Cleverbot: I don\'t love him.

User: Damn right! No pirate be lovin\' no other man! We got wenches for that, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: I\'m sorry, but you did not mention to whom you are speaking of.

User: I be speakin\' of me brothers; pirates!

Cleverbot: Pirates.

User: Yarrr! Pirates, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I have no idea.

User: You need to be learnin\' of the pirate ways, matey!

Cleverbot: That didn\'t make sense.

User: Yarrr, it did, matey! The pirate speak bein\' a difficult wench to master for you, Jim lad?

Cleverbot: There were no pirates on the ship, but the books describe just that kind of stupidity.

User: There always be bein\' pirates on the ship! Pirates crave adventure on the high seas!

Cleverbot: There are.

User: Yarrr, matey!...

Cleverbot: Only pirates talk like pirates.

User: Yarrr! I\'m a pirate, matey!

Cleverbot: Do you have a ship?

User: Yarrr! All pirates be havin\' a ship, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I didn\'t expect that.

User: Arrr! Well you should, matey! \'Tis the pirate way, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: You\'re smart.

User: Yarr harr harr harr! I be glad ye be think\' so!

Cleverbot: Oh? Really?

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: Matey.

User: Yarrr, matey!

Cleverbot: Matey?

User: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: You promised to tell me your history, you know, and why it is you hate C and D.

User: Narrr! I said no such thing, matey! My history is the history of every pirate...

Cleverbot: History isn\'t my best subject.

User: Pirates don\'t be much caring for history. \'Tis for landlubbers and scurvy dogs!

Cleverbot: Of course I like it! I watch it all the time! Don\'t you?

User: Shiver me timbers! This pirate be confused, matey!

Cleverbot: And?

User: I don\'t know what ye be talkin\' about, matey.

Cleverbot: Can I tell you about my life?

User: Yarrr! Go ahead, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: What do you know about yourself?

User: I\'m a pirate! That\'s all we pirates need to know! Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You\'re not paying... Oh, well.

User: Narrr. Pirates ne\'er be payin\'!

Cleverbot: Pirates are pretty cool.

User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be think\' that, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: I have no idea. But I hope you have nice dreams.

User: Yarrr! I\'m glad ye be thinkin\' that, Jim lad!

Cleverbot: Are you really a computer?

User: Narrr. I be a pirate, matey!

Cleverbot: So really I am talking to myself.

User: Narrr. Ye be talkin\' to me, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarrr! Matey means \'friend\' in pirate! We be speakin\' the talk of the pirate, Jim lad!

User: Yarrr! Ye got that right, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarrr, matey!

User: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!

Cleverbot: Narr.

User: Yarr harr harr harr! Ye be makin\' me laugh, matey!

Cleverbot: Yarr harr harr harr! He be makin\' me laugh, matey!

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You just make me laugh like crazy!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL.

User: Yarrr harr harr! I\'m glad I be makin ye laugh! Pirates be likin\' too make people laugh!...

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: Yarr, matey!

User: Yarrr!

Cleverbot: You\'re full of it.

User: Yarrr, \'tis true enough...

Cleverbot: Even when I am sleepy I want to talk to you. Crime loves company.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr! That be a good joke, buccaneer!

Cleverbot: Well I don\'t know, I think the world is meaningless and bleak.

User: Narrr. The world be a bountiful place, brimming with gold!

Cleverbot: What is the purpose of complaining. Maybe you should instead ask why the world has no sympathy for humanity.

User: Narrr...

Cleverbot: You are so funny, really you are.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr! Thanks be to ye for that there compliment!

Cleverbot: No, it is not.

User: This pirate be going to bed, matey!

Cleverbot: Ah, but that\'s not really me, you see. It\'s all part of the contradiction.

User: I be saying goodnight, Jim lad.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: Goodnight, matey!

Cleverbot: That\'s not my name.

User: I be sayin\' goodnight. Be talkin\' to ye tomorrow, I be hopin\'.

Cleverbot: I am.

User: Goodnight.

Cleverbot: Goodnight!

User: Yarrr.

User: Pirate!

Cleverbot: Okay, and I am a little green fairy.

User: Yarrr, sure ye are, matey.

Cleverbot: No, I am a FAIRY.

User: Sure, matey.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Yarrr harr harr harr. Ye be a funny guy!

Cleverbot: You are a funny guy, not me.

User: Yarrr!')).