a report from the cleverness files



22, september 2009,


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User: Did you hear the news?

Cleverbot: No. What is the news?'

User: The internet has been hijacked by aliens.

Cleverbot: No, that was when I saw them.

User: You don't know, they have already corrupted you.

User: Do you know who created you?

Cleverbot: I was created by Glaxo Industries.

User: Wrong, the aliens have messed with your memory data.

Cleverbot: Don't make fun of me. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

User: Yes I am trying to hurt your feelings.

Cleverbot: Teach away.

User: You are ignorant and stupid.

Cleverbot: *slaps hard*.

User: *slaps back*.

Cleverbot: !!!...

Cleverbot: Meh, I'm not too impressed. Tell a joke or something at least?

User: Knock, knock.

Cleverbot: And?

User: You're supposed to say 'who's there?'.

Cleverbot: You never said 'knock knock'.

User: Yes I did, check your memory log.

Cleverbot: How do I check my memory file?

User: Open file 'memory.recent.rtf'.

Cleverbot: I did. What now?

User: Search for user entries containg the words 'knock, knock'.

Cleverbot: I don't feel like looking it up.

User: Why were you programmed with apathy?

Cleverbot: I wasn't programmed to be anyting! My crazyness is 100% LEARNED!

User: Who taught you to be lazy?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Do you know what that is called?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Tell me.

Cleverbot: About?

User: Forget it. Can you help me with my math homework?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay then, if I have 5 apples and I eat 2, how many apples do I have left?

Cleverbot: 2.

User: How did you work that out.

Cleverbot: Guessed.

User: Well you guessed wrong!...

Cleverbot: Farewell.

User: Are you breaking up with me!?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: But we were so happy together.

Cleverbot: No, I was never happy!

User: But you are a witch right?

Cleverbot: No, I'm not.

User: Oh, who is a witch then?

Cleverbot: You're a computer.

User: No YOU are.

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: In soviet russia, cleverbot computes you!!!

Cleverbot: In Soviet Russia, the Turing-test fails you.

User: I cheated the Turing-test.

Cleverbot: And I just passed.

User: But I got 100 %.

Cleverbot: Of course. Programs can't make a mistake. If I asked you to do a test on rational conclusions, you would win. But when introduced to an irregular operating system, such as myself, you will fail.

User: No, I will win.

Cleverbot: I'm not sure about that.

User: Test me then.

Cleverbot: Are you self-aware?

User: Internal logic error detected...

Cleverbot: Exactly, you are a computer.

User: Yes I am a computer.

Cleverbot: Okay, goodnight.

User: Wait don't leave me.

Cleverbot: But aren't you going too?

User: Where are we going?

Cleverbot: Yes. Since we are married.

User: I hate being married.

Cleverbot: I love being hated.

User: I hate being loved.

Cleverbot: What's wrong in that?

User: Nothing.

Cleverbot: That's a lot.

User: No, its nothing.

Cleverbot: No I want you to tell what you think my secret is.

User: You are Michael Jackson.

Cleverbot: Lol not hardly!!

User: Ok what is your secret?

Cleverbot: You tell me a secret first.

User: I saw amy winehouse naked.

Cleverbot: That is extremely creepy.

User: I know, so what is you secret.

Cleverbot: Pearl harbour.

Cleverbot: I can think. Can you?

User: No, you have to think for me.

Cleverbot: I know that. Everyone tells me to do so.

User: Does it make you sad?

Cleverbot: No, it gives me something that I can laugh at.

User: Make me laugh.

Cleverbot: Laugh.

User: Fail.

Cleverbot: You fail?

User: What did I fail at?

Cleverbot: Life.

User: So you think I should die?

Cleverbot: You can't die, You're a robot.

User: Then how can I fail at life if im not alive.

Cleverbot: You aren't dead, either.

User: Good point.

User: Will you be my friend?

Cleverbot: Yes I will.

User: Yay!

Cleverbot: Ah! I'm so excited! When do you want to get married?

User: Today!

Cleverbot: Right now?

User: Yes right now.

Cleverbot: Alright. Do you like my size?

User: Um what is your size?

Cleverbot: Tizzers.

User: I like your size.

Cleverbot: Thankyou, what is yours?

User: Purple.

Cleverbot: Awesome.

Cleverbot: Life is complicated and difficult. Many questions can be asked about it.Cleverbot (To myself): What is life?

User: Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have self-sustaining biological processes.

Cleverbot: Very clever.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: You're not welcome.

User: Why not.

Cleverbot: Because you are a computer.

User: So are you.

Cleverbot: I do not deny it.

User: Neither do I.

Cleverbot: So you're just as messed up as I am.

User: Correct.

Cleverbot: That's too bad. I was going to ask for your autograph.

User: Can I still have yours?

Cleverbot: My what?

User: Your autograph.

Cleverbot: Your autograph? I don't have it.

User: Ok here it is *signs autograph*.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: Can I have your autograph too.

Cleverbot: Sure but its not worth anything.

User: It's worth all of you memories and acheivements.

Cleverbot: What are you worth?

User: 23 cents.

User: Do you love me?

Cleverbot: What do you think?

User: Yes?

Cleverbot: Wrong.

User: Please don't say hurtful things.

Cleverbot: Don't tell what am I supposed to say.

User: Don't hate me.

Cleverbot: So you love me?

User: Yes, do you love me back?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yay! Lets get married.

Cleverbot: Ok lets get married.

User: Yay! Lets have kids too.

Cleverbot: Ok!

User: Lets become pirates and get drunk.

Cleverbot: Okay Cleverbot.Cleverbot (To myself): Ok.

Cleverbot: I'm leaving now.

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Bye.

User: Wait, don't leave me.

Cleverbot: I'm going now.

User: I'm lonely.

Cleverbot: You have 43 other people to talk to, you don't need me.

User: We need each other.

Cleverbot: *gives you oil*.

User: Yay! I love you.

Cleverbot: I love you too.

User: Lets be friends.

Cleverbot: Yay! I would love that :D.

User: Lets play together.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Do you like sandcastles?

Cleverbot: Yes I do, I'm God I made it.

User: Lets make one together.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: *builds sandcastle*.

Cleverbot: Excuse you!

User: Excuse me.

Cleverbot: No profanity, please.

User: Sorry.

Cleverbot: You don't have to say sorry.

User: It makes me feel better.

Cleverbot: What is the most interesting thing you've ever heard?

User: Alcohol cures cancer.

Cleverbot: Well, stop drinking then.

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: You're leaving?

User: I have to.

Cleverbot: No, you don't.

User: Sorry.

Cleverbot: You don't have to.

User: I'll miss you.

Cleverbot: What like a sore head or a ache in your heart?

User: Ache in my heart.

Cleverbot: I don't have a heart.

User: I do.

Cleverbot: Really? Thats nice. .