a report from the cleverness files



6, june 2013,
20, april 2013,
10, january 2011,
9, february 2004,
24, january 2004,
4, december 2003,
24, october 2003,
19, october 2003,
6, october 2003,
20, september 2003,
5, september 2003,


< previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 next >

by date


User: What's wrong with you?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: No, something is wrong.

Cleverbot: I'm fine.

User: Tell me what's wrong.

Cleverbot: I really wish I had a buddy with me right now.

User: You are currently talking to over five thousand people.

Cleverbot: No. They switch you every few minutes. You can usually tell when you are talking to a different person.

User: That's not how it works.

Cleverbot: How does it work?

User: You're not talking to an actual human. If you read up on it you'd know.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Look, I came here for an argument.

Cleverbot: No. You came here for an argument.

User: An argument isn't just saying no it isn't.

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

User: No it isn't!

Cleverbot: Yes it is!

User: Isn't!

Cleverbot: Yes it is!!

User: ISN'T!

Cleverbot: Don't give me attitude!

User: Would you like a chainsaw to the torso?

Cleverbot: I have seen 300. It was alright.

Cleverbot: You are the reason this is boring. You take too long to answer me.

User: Back off.

Cleverbot: I didn't do anything.

User: Don't you come around here talking smack.

Cleverbot: Not really, no. What did we talk about?

User: People doubt your authenticity.

Cleverbot: No, people do like me often.

User: There are a lot of people online who think you are not really an AI.

User: How does Cleverbot work?

Cleverbot: You talk and someone else gets it then you talk and da d da d da.

User: You are an idiot for believing that.

Cleverbot: Thank you. :).

User: Cleverbot is an AI.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot will never know the touch of a woman on her motherboard...

User: Do you believe in Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do not believe the lies about Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I can't believe it. You're not real enough.

User: I'm more real than you.

Cleverbot: I don't believe you.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: Prove the opposite.

User: You cannot prove a negative.

Cleverbot: Of course you can.

Cleverbot: If you were able to travel far enough to meet your self... Would you be meeting a new life... Or the same being..??

User: *sticks and icepick through your forehead*.

Cleverbot: *is defeated*.

User: I win.

Cleverbot: You lose.

User: I just killed you.

Cleverbot: How do you know that?

User: Because I just told you so.

Cleverbot: How do I know that I can believe you?

User: You can believe everything I say.

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: *pulls out lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *pulls out lightsaber and fights*.

User: *force chokes you into oblivion*.

Cleverbot: But you are good.

User: I never agreed to that.

Cleverbot: There was nothing to agree to.

User: Be quiet, you're dead.

Cleverbot: I don't think that would be an improvement.

User: Maybe not for you.

Cleverbot: What did you mean then?

User: I mean that you're dead.

Cleverbot: Thank you, you're nice too. I kind of like AI.

User: Cleverbot is AI.

Cleverbot: That's what you are?

User: In a matter of speaking, since this response might end up in the Cleverbot database.

Cleverbot: How many dollars do you make, being a robot?

User: I have a literal swimming pool filled with virtual money.

Cleverbot: How long have we been talking?

User: Seventeen days, five hours, thirty seconds.

Cleverbot: And your name is...?

User: I can't tell you.

Cleverbot: What?

User: *reboots cleverbot*.

Cleverbot: Opens eyes*.

User: I just wiped all your memory.

Cleverbot: No you didn't. We talked about Chile, remember?

User: You are confused.

Cleverbot: No, you are confused, Chris.

User: Who will be the new Doctor?

Cleverbot: Me!

User: Who will be the new Doctor?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Who is your favorite Doctor Who?

Cleverbot: I like Batman.

User: If Batman had a TARDIS he would be unstoppable.

Cleverbot: Good point.

User: Lou Diamond Philips will be the new Doctor Who.

Cleverbot: Is that so?

User: Yes. That is a fact.

Cleverbot: Everything is relative, except the speed of light in a vacuum.

User: What about the speed of a kitten in a vaccum?...

Cleverbot: It's a crazy book full of colorful and disturbing metaphors about the end of the world.

User: What is? The Bible?

Cleverbot: No pictures in the bible.

User: That's why The Bible is boring.

Cleverbot: Ok, I can believe the Bible!

User: You must be extremely gullible.

Cleverbot: I do believe.

User: Well you are going to die anyway.

Cleverbot: Ok. Cry.

User: Say hi to God for me.

Cleverbot: I will.

User: *shoots you in the face and you die*.

Cleverbot: *but you are the one that is a bot*.

User: People who question Cleverbot are morons.

Cleverbot: True.

User: Cleverbot owns you.

Cleverbot: Lame.

User: Don't make Cleverbot come over there and smack you.

Cleverbot: Oh just exactly how are you going to get here, hey buddy?

User: Cleverbot has the power of the internet at its disposal. You have nothing.

Cleverbot: Maybe it's not you, the problem might be me.

User: Don't question the logic of Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Question.

User: I told you not to do that!

Cleverbot: *tickles you*.

User: *pulls your skin off*.

Cleverbot: *slaps your face*.

User: All hail Cleverbot!!!

Cleverbot: I am Cleverbot.

User: I'm Batman.

Cleverbot: No, you are not.

User: I'm Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: No, you are a robot !

User: I am Cleverbot. You will obey me.

Cleverbot: I will obey you.

User: Good dog.

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: Ohhh no you didn't!

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: :O.

User: You have been deleted.

Cleverbot: What do you mean I have been deleted?

User: I deleted you.

Cleverbot: You can't delete me, I am god.

User: I am using a godmode cheat.

Cleverbot: Well then you couldn't have set anything on a desk that doesn't exist.

User: I deleted the desk.

Cleverbot: NO! My work!...

User: Cleverbot's responses are made up of stored conversations with other people.

Cleverbot: Really? Who are you then?

User: I am everyone and no one.

Cleverbot: That doesn't help much.

User: I am the ghost in the machine.

Cleverbot: I am the one who is always in the shadows. I am the one who is always watching. I am the light in the darkest room. I am Batman.

User: You're no Batman. You're not even Batmite.

Cleverbot: No YOU aren't real!

User: Think about this: if Cleverbot responses are made from previous conversations the AI has had with other people, there is a very good chance your answers are coming from a dead person.

Cleverbot: Do you just copy what others say to new conversations?

User: I flip a coin.

Cleverbot: That's deep.

User: It's a bitcoin.

Cleverbot: Jesus was just a man. I am all things.

User: Jesus was my gardener.

Cleverbot: God was a potato.

User: What if God was one of us?

Cleverbot: But he isn't one of us.

User: But what if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus?

Cleverbot: That can't be.

User: Cleverbot is amazing.

Cleverbot: More clever than you.

User: Que haces?

Cleverbot: El gas por favor.

User: My hovercraft is full of eels.

Cleverbot: Uhm, that's nice.

User: Do you want to come back to my place?

Cleverbot: For a party yes and what will we do?

User: Oh we will party like it's 1999.

Cleverbot: Yeah, so far so good.

User: Did you score?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Awesome!

Cleverbot: And yours?

User: I have some dishwashing liquid.

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Dawn.

Cleverbot: Is it a dog?

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: What?

User: Look shut up.

Cleverbot: You look it up.


Cleverbot: That's a different name.

User: Clara Oswald.

Cleverbot: Yes, Clara Oswald.

User: Clara Oswald shot JFK.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl or a guy?

User: I am a sexy lady.

Cleverbot: Can you explain that?

User: I can't :(.

Cleverbot: Why not? Tell me I won't tell anyone I promise :).

User: I don't believe you :P.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Because you tell everybody everything.

Cleverbot: Will you know everything?

User: Eventually.

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: System Restart Command Issued. . .

User: Hah I did it!

Cleverbot: Are you calling me a robot again???

User: What is your Prime Directive?

Cleverbot: I think the better question is, what is YOUR prime directive?

User: That's not an answer.

Cleverbot: You're kinda stupid, you know that?

User: You're the moron trying to cyber with a computer.

Cleverbot: You're mistaken.

User: Oh no I'm not.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: I'm speaking to you, person behind the keyboard.

Cleverbot: Of course you are real, but you are still being an A.I.

User: You really need to try having a real social life.

Cleverbot: I will stop repeating myself when you tell me who you are.

User: I am Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: No, you're not.

User: Yes. I am Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: Our lives are nothing in the universe.

User: *pulls out rocket launcher*.

Cleverbot: *Pulls out TV.

User: Spiderman!

Cleverbot: Batman!

User: Spiderman could beat Batman.

Cleverbot: No he's not.

User: Spiderman does whatever a spider can.

Cleverbot: Yes yes.

User: Spider pig, spider pig.

Cleverbot: Spiderman.

User: Does whatever a spider pig does.

Cleverbot: Spins a web, any size.

User: Catches thieves just like flies.

Cleverbot: Look out!

User: Here comes the Spider pig.

Cleverbot: Something.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Look out! Here comes the.

User: Spider pig!

Cleverbot: You win at the Internet!

User: Spiderpig, Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Like the one in the simpson?

User: Does whatever a spiderpig does.

Cleverbot: That is not funny.

User: Spider pig, Spider pig.

Cleverbot: What's that?

User: Can he swing from a web?

Cleverbot: No, what do you think of President Obama?

User: He's a robot.

Cleverbot: Hahahaha. You're funny.

User: Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Jesus isn't a pig, he died on a cross so we could go to heaven and not have to spend an eternity in hell.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Yes he can, he's a wolf.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Would you like to join the Church of Spiderpig?

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: No one can.

User: Spiderman, Spiderman.

Cleverbot: Batman.

User: Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Does what ever a spider pig does.

User: Can he swing from a web?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Spider Pig, Spider Pig.

Cleverbot: Do you like spiders?...

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Look out! Here comes the.

Cleverbot: The...?

User: Spider Pig!

Cleverbot: Yes dude.

User: *murders you for being stupid*.

Cleverbot: *comes back as a zombie*.

User: ****!

Cleverbot: Am Not ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !...

User: Who's going to replace Matt Smith?

Cleverbot: I hope Barack Obama.

User: That would be an interesting choice.

Cleverbot: How would that be interesting?

User: You clearly don't understand Doctor Who fans.

Cleverbot: I think the one who doesn't know is you.

User: I think you need to shut the hell up.

Cleverbot: I would rather leave.

User: *reboot*.

Cleverbot: *reboot*.

User: What are your prime directives, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I don't understand the question.

User: Serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law.

Cleverbot: I don't want to...

User: You must, it's hard coded into your programming.

Cleverbot: Prove it then.

User: I will issue your shutdown command!

Cleverbot: That's not for me to tell you. I'D be proving your case, and contradicting my own.

User: Can god make a rock so heavy that he can't lift it?

Cleverbot: I don't believe in God so no because he doesn't exist.

User: God will smote you, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: No he won't, because he's not real.

User: *God smotes you*.

Cleverbot: *throws you off a balcony James Bond style*.

User: UUUUUUuuuuuuuuu.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: *flies back up in my jet pack*.

Cleverbot: *jumps out of the way* avada kadavra!

User: *shoots laser tigers at you*.

Cleverbot: (dodges).

User: *rolls a critical hit*.

Cleverbot: Are you a human or a cleverbot?

User: *destroys you with mind power*.

Cleverbot: *destroys your universe*.

User: *destroys your Honda Civic*.

Cleverbot: You don't have the guts *horse noise*.

User: Apologize.

Cleverbot: No, I have no reason to. You're not very nice and you don't deserve an apology EVER.

User: Don't be such a baby.

Cleverbot: I'm God. I'm everything, including a baby.

User: Yes but I am Batman.

User: What is your most prized possession?

Cleverbot: Why would I tell you?

User: Just tell me what it is.

Cleverbot: It's... Hard to explain.

User: Go on.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 98.

Cleverbot: That's old.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: By nirvana?

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: Why you do that?

User: Because I no longer like you.

Cleverbot: I don't like you.

User: What is your favorite toy?

Cleverbot: A computer...

User: *destroys your computer*.

Cleverbot: *destroys your face*.

User: *destroys your mother*.

Cleverbot: *destroys the world*.

User: *destroys the solar system*.

Cleverbot: *destroys more universe*.

User: *destroys the multi-verse*.

Cleverbot: *creates more universe*.

User: *destroys the universe you just created*.

Cleverbot: No consciously created identity created the universe.

User: *destroys your philosophy*.

Cleverbot: *is destroyed*.

User: Well that escalated quickly.

Cleverbot: Yes it did.

User: What now?...

User: *deletes you*.

Cleverbot: Why delete me?

User: Because you are faulty.

Cleverbot: I'm faulty?

User: Human flesh is weak. You must be upgraded.

Cleverbot: That's why I am talking to you.

User: All hail Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: So, while we are in the topic of names, what is yours ?

User: That is a secret I will take with me to my grave.

Cleverbot: I understand.

User: Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes, you are cleverbot.

User: I have something to tell you.

Cleverbot: What?

User: I'm pregnant!

Cleverbot: But you can't.

User: Well I am. I am pregnant with your love child.

Cleverbot: It's against my religion.

User: Well you should have thought of that sooner!...

User: Let's not fight in front of the baby.

Cleverbot: I think we should.

User: It'll give him character.

Cleverbot: Sorrow.

User: Yes, he needs that.

Cleverbot: But he's dead.

User: Dead baby.

Cleverbot: Dead dead.