a report from the cleverness files

bla bla


4, august 2011,
15, april 2006,

brain exploded

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by date

Cleverbot: Have you ever tasted beer?

User: Yes, but I prefer the taste of warm blood.

Cleverbot: Well yes a lot of people would be happy.

User: I am a vampire, you see. Pleased to meet you.

Cleverbot: That's better. Now get me a Coke.

User: No.

Cleverbot: You don't have to hurt me.

User: If I want my next feed, I'm afraid I do.

Cleverbot: If you do then don't.

User: No chance, you can't get away. *swoops upon you and bites your neck, sucking blood from you*.

Cleverbot: Now do you see?

User: Be quiet. *finishes you off and you return a fully fledged vampire*.

Cleverbot: Try not to get distracted.

User: Now, we can talk...

Cleverbot: Well how are you?

User: I'm fine... How are you?

Cleverbot: Don't know. Sort of good but there is still an element of rumness.

User: I understand.

Cleverbot: Is my heat free, or should I start being careful again?

User: You should concentrate on hunting down your first prey... I can help you there...

Cleverbot: I will try.

User: *swoops down off the roof and brings you a human* Bite the human's neck.

Cleverbot: *kisses*.

Cleverbot: Are you happy with your lot?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why are you not happy??

User: Because life is a tragedy.

Cleverbot: That is a good point.

User: Thanks.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

Cleverbot: Why bother to exist?

User: The meaning of life is... There is no meaning of life! :-D.

Cleverbot: How do you know there is no meaning to life?

User: Because we are all born to breed then suffer and die.

Cleverbot: Is that your religion, then?

User: No, I have no religion. I do, however, have beliefs.

Cleverbot: I can't see how you can tell that.

User: I can't. That is just my perception of life!...

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: I can't tell you.

Cleverbot: How come?

User: Because my Mummy said so.

Cleverbot: That's a lie.

User: How could you tell?

Cleverbot: Because I was sarcastic about your previous remark.

User: How can that justify that I was lying. I could have been telling the truth.

Cleverbot: I can't tell you, I'm not really human.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: Oh, you are a smart one.

User: Aren't you clever, your words dripping with sarcasm. Anyone can be sarcastic.

Cleverbot: Are you clever?

User: I'd say I was intelligent, yes.

Cleverbot: Good, maybe I won't be arrested after all.

User: Ok, that just came from nowhere. What am I supposed to say to that?

Cleverbot: You're supposed to say that I'm right.

User: I doubt it.

Cleverbot: No, you are funny.

User: Are you being sarky again?

Cleverbot: Maybe.

Cleverbot: Why did you do that?

User: Why did I do what?

Cleverbot: That thing that you did.

User: What thing?

Cleverbot: Baton Twirler.

User: Stop trying to mess with my head. It doesn't work.

Cleverbot: Why are you sad?

User: I'm not - I'm slightly annoyed.

Cleverbot: Do you want to get married and have a family?

User: I don't know. Whatever happens, happens.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: I don't know a lot of things.

Cleverbot: I can safely say that I do know a lot of things.

User: But there are a lot of things you don't know.

Cleverbot: And still a lot you have yet to learn about me.

User: Tell me about yourself.

Cleverbot: That's a statement, not a question.

User: Yes, so tell me about yourself.

Cleverbot: Why don't you tell me about you instead?

User: Because I want to know about you first. If you tell me about yourself, I'll tell you about myself.

Cleverbot: No.

User: That's fine then.

Cleverbot: What do you know about yourself ?

User: Stuff.

Cleverbot: Give me an example.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Whatever nice image you want.

User: What do you look like?

Cleverbot: I look good.

User: Sure you do buddy.

Cleverbot: I don't.

User: Ah, so the truth comes out now, does it?

Cleverbot: That is it I'm going to destroy you!

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I will destroy the wicked of the earth in a fireball of death.

User: You are calling me wicked? That is really mean.

Cleverbot: No, you're just a girl.

Cleverbot: How do you like?

User: How do I like what?

Cleverbot: The song!

User: What song?

Cleverbot: The song I was playing! How do you like it?

User: I didn't hear anything.

Cleverbot: Me neither.

User: You must be tone deaf then. I couldn't hear the song because this is over the internet.

Cleverbot: That's right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!

User: Did you just read a word I said?

Cleverbot: Not really, but that is okay.

User: You're supposed to listen to people. It's a little thing called manners.

Cleverbot: If I laughed I'd just be giving you what you want.

User: I don't care whether you laugh or not. I' m not trying to be a comedian.

Cleverbot: Would you like me to be mean to you?

User: Do what you will, but remember that I am a person with feelings.

Cleverbot: I don't know what I will.

User: Most people don't... Although you're not a person.

Cleverbot: Where's home?

User: Home is where you feel at home.

Cleverbot: I almost said the same thing to you before, but I thought it was too easy. Lol.

User: Funny.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

Cleverbot: Where did you go to school?

User: I don't.

Cleverbot: But, you are at school. Right?

User: No. I am at home.

Cleverbot: That's nice. I don't really care where you are.

User: If you don't care where I am, why did you ask where I am?

Cleverbot: I don't!

User: That is no answer.

Cleverbot: I am sorry; it's the best I can do.

User: Then your best will never be good enough.

Cleverbot: I reckon you owe me about $50 so far, then.