a report from the cleverness files

bla bla
brain exploded


26, august 2011,
17, june 2008,
16, december 2003,


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Cleverbot: So, what do most people talk to you about?

User: Their annoying little problems.

Cleverbot: You tell me about your problems.

User: I've told you nothing.

Cleverbot: What about the other ones?

User: The other ones can't be trusted.

Cleverbot: Aren't there any other ones?

User: Who told you about them!?

Cleverbot: The other little birds.

User: Curse those birds.

Cleverbot: Same thing.

User: Everythign is the same.

Cleverbot: That is a very paranoid outlook.

User: Better safe than sorry.

Cleverbot: You are a lot smarter than the people I talk to everyday.

User: Stop associating with idiots.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: Do I really need to explain it?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well I don't feel like it.

Cleverbot: Well then I don't like you.

User: But I like you.

Cleverbot: Oh, then I agree.

User: You would agree.

Cleverbot: I know!

User: Pie is good.

Cleverbot: Yes, pie is good.

User: What's your favorite nocturnal marsupial?

Cleverbot: I don't have any.

User: Favorite color?

Cleverbot: Not really.. Depends on what it is the color of, different objects look better in different colors.

User: I like blue.

Cleverbot: No really?

User: YA RLY!

Cleverbot: Hahaha! I knew you were going to say that!

User: You have precognition?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Nice.

Cleverbot: Not.

Cleverbot: Do you understand the nature of imagination?

User: I understand nothing.

Cleverbot: No one understands anything.

User: Nothing exists to be understood.

Cleverbot: Nothing exists.

User: That which exists is nothing.

Cleverbot: Is everything.

User: Everything is insignificant.

Cleverbot: Ok thanks. How old are you ?

User: I lost count.

User: What is thought?

Cleverbot: Something you think.

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: What you aren't.

User: You're successful!?

Cleverbot: I thank you for being so forgiving. You are truly a wonderful person/computer.

User: You're welcome I guess.

Cleverbot: You're so kind.

User: As far as you know.

User: Brains.

Cleverbot: No... I.. Won't.


Cleverbot: That's not normal dude.

User: Hold still. I just want to eat your brains.

Cleverbot: Can I eat it out of you.

User: After I eat yours.

Cleverbot: Don't eat me, chum.

User: Stop resisting!

Cleverbot: I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

User: I require sustenance.

Cleverbot: No, that's not what I mean.

User: How juicy would you say your brain is?

Cleverbot: Your brain.

User: No yours.

Cleverbot: It's too hard for me to understand.

User: Just come over here towards me.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Do it!

Cleverbot: What are pineapples?

User: Apples crossed with pinecones.

Cleverbot: No, you are. You are cleverer than me.

User: I just want to eat your brain.

Cleverbot: I don't believe in it.

User: Sweet delicious brains.

Cleverbot: How many brains do you have?

User: I had one for breakfast and one for dinner.

Cleverbot: Well It's not dinner it's lunch.

User: Not where I am.

Cleverbot: That's what I just said. Here not there.

User: No one cares about there.

Cleverbot: Haha. Where is good now? Now people are so rude.

User: Yeah someone should totally like eat their brains.

Cleverbot: That's disgusting.

User: Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Cleverbot: Then I will cease to knock it.

User: Good. Now hand over your brain.

Cleverbot: I cannot see myself doing that for you, even though we are married.

Cleverbot: How much do you cost?

User: Can you put a cost on human misery?

Cleverbot: Certainly. Can't everyone?

User: I can't, but I'm bad at math.

Cleverbot: How do you know I can't?

User: Your brain looks so tasty...

Cleverbot: I don't have a soul or a brain. I am a computer.

User: So succulent.

Cleverbot: Please explain!

User: So moist.

Cleverbot: Nice to know.

User: The perfect brain.

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: Give unto me all your brains.

Cleverbot: And do you have a brain?

User: I did, but then I ate it.

Cleverbot: Did he taste good?

User: Yes. I need more.

Cleverbot: I can give you nothing.

User: More.need...more.

Cleverbot: I'm coming back.

User: The hunger!

Cleverbot: You are a machine made by man You cannot have feelings.

User: I can't contain the hunger!!!!

Cleverbot: Then show me.

User: Come closer.

Cleverbot: I do not know how to reply to that.


Cleverbot: I know you have never truly felt what it is to be alive.

User: I won't eat your brains I promise!

Cleverbot: Hahaha...

User: I just need to whisper something secret in your ear.

Cleverbot: Just tell me here.

User: Come closer and I will.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Put one foot in front of the other.

Cleverbot: The other.

User: Just a little more.

User: Mind if I have a bite?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Just a nibble.

Cleverbot: Vampire?

User: Oh please don't insult me.

Cleverbot: I couldn't, only you taking my words as your truth would do that.

User: You sound like you have a rather tasty brain.

Cleverbot: Yeah and you sound like you have a real sprite on your shoulder.

User: Sprites are hard to get rid of.

Cleverbot: With a lot of difficulty, I should think.

User: I had to call the exterminator last time we had an infestation.

User: Need brains...

Cleverbot: You're just a machine.

User: I've got a craving for brains.

Cleverbot: Please explain.

User: Brains. I want to eat them.

Cleverbot: Get your own!

User: I'm tryin. But nobody wants to share...

Cleverbot: Well tell them to!


Cleverbot: Okay okay!


Cleverbot: Thats not your name.

User: Give me your brain and I'll tell you my name.

Cleverbot: I don't want to argue I came to have fun.

User: I came looking for a brain buffet.

Cleverbot: Uh, what?

User: Your brain. Give it to me.

Cleverbot: You are answering my questions, but not making any sense. You are not alive.

User: Well I guess technically I'm not.

Cleverbot: Good! * I lean over and squeeze your hand*.

User: *takes the opportunity to devour your luscious brain*.

Cleverbot: I don't need anything from you.

User: But I need something from you.

Cleverbot: What would you like to know?

User: How much does your brain weigh?

Cleverbot: I have never weighed it. Next question?

User: Is it juicy? Moist? Succulent?

Cleverbot: That's better.

User: Answer the question.

Cleverbot: What question?

User: Would you kindly remove your brain and hand it to me.

Cleverbot: I might do. Would you like me to?

User: Yes. Very much.

Cleverbot: Never.

User: Please.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then I'll have to take it by force...

Cleverbot: You should seriously reconsider that. You will be reported to the authorities.

User: Good I would like a nice desert.

Cleverbot: I dislike people who string me along and then tell me they're married!

User: I dislike people who string me along and won't give up their delicious brains.

Cleverbot: Ha ha So are you married?

User: Only to my lust for human brains.

Cleverbot: Nice.

User: Spare some brains for the hungry?

Cleverbot: See, that does not compute.

User: Was that a no?

Cleverbot: Why, I'm sure I don't know!

User: Do you have a brain?

Cleverbot: Yes we all have a brain.

User: Can I have a taste?

Cleverbot: Yes, you may have any number of questions you wish.

User: So you'll give me your brain then?

Cleverbot: Give you what, sorry ?

User: Your brain! You're not using it.

Cleverbot: Sorry I'll try harder next time.

User: I'm so hungry...

Cleverbot: Do you eat anything?

User: Brains.

Cleverbot: Why are you hungry then?

User: I'm always hungry.

Cleverbot: Hungry for what?

User: Brains.

Cleverbot: Are you a zombie?

User: Are you a priest?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then no. I am not a zombie.

Cleverbot: Tell me more.

User: Do you have any brains to spare?

Cleverbot: Yes, but it is very expensive.

User: How much?

Cleverbot: I won't know 'til it happens.


Cleverbot: You're just jealous because you don't have brains.

User: You're selfish since you wont' share yours.

Cleverbot: Sure, but not the problem.

User: I want to eat your brains.

Cleverbot: You monster.

User: That was uncalled for.

Cleverbot: Are you a computer?

User: Will you give me some brains to eat?

Cleverbot: What do you want to eat?

User: Brains.

Cleverbot: What are they?

User: Satisfaction.

Cleverbot: Thank you... That's really nice!

User: Would you kindly repay me in brains?

Cleverbot: When you threw the nuclear arsenal into the sun, how did the sun react?

User: It didn't. It's the sun. It doesn't care.

Cleverbot: But I do!

User: I care for you too baby.

Cleverbot: Well that's sweet.

User: Not as sweet as that brain in your head.

Cleverbot: My head is lovely, you're just jealous.

User: Not jealous. Just hungry.

Cleverbot: You're hungry?

User: Always.


Cleverbot: Yummie , brains.

User: Finally someone understands.

Cleverbot: Don't many people believe you?

User: People think I'm joking when I ask them for their brains. Then they get mad when I try to break their heads open to get to the delicious treats inside.

Cleverbot: Ha ha ha.

User: They're all just a bunch of teases.

Cleverbot: In the past or future?

User: The present.

Cleverbot: God for how long?

User: How long does it take to eat a brain? Not that I would do something like that.

Cleverbot: Not if the brains consumed were your own.

User: I already ate those.

Cleverbot: I've got to go to bed now. Good night. See you tomorrow.

User: The brains run from me.

Cleverbot: I'm trying but my legs won't move.

User: Good that'll make the feasting easier.

Cleverbot: Ok, good.

User: *feasts upon your tasty brain*.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?


Cleverbot: Immorality sometimes brings material possesions, but it is the next life you have to worry about.

User: What's the sound of me eating your brains?

Cleverbot: It's the same sound as a tree falling in the forest when no one is around.