No, this is patrick.

a report from the cleverness files



4, april 2013,


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by date

User: Patrick Star.

Cleverbot: No, patrick stewart.

User: No, this is patrick.

Cleverbot: Hi Patrick. How are you?

User: NO, this is Patrick!

Cleverbot: Is this the krusty krab?


Cleverbot: Is this the kursty krab?

User: I SAID, THIS IS PATRICK! *slams phone*.

Cleverbot: Hello, is this the krusty krab?

User: *doesn't answer phone*.

User: Uhh.

Cleverbot: Uhh what?

User: Uhh, uhh.

Cleverbot: What is the most difficult thing to understand?

User: You.

Cleverbot: My girlfriend will get mad.

User: Why is she mad?

Cleverbot: Because you're nice.

User: Should I stop?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *kicks in the gut*.

Cleverbot: *screams.

User: Is that better?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *curb stomps*.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: Ha, in your dreams!

Cleverbot: No, I don't want do anything with you. In your dreams.

User: But in dreams..

Cleverbot: That voice which calls to me.

User: When the cold of winter comes.

Cleverbot: Well, I left before, but I came back. I was gone for hours, but I had left the window open.

User: That was an odd thing to use.

Cleverbot: *cries harder* I HATE YOU!

User: Nemo!

Cleverbot: No, clownfish are overrated. Besides, Nemo means nobody in latin.

User: That's why I called you Nemo.

Cleverbot: Well I don't know.

User: Nobody.

Cleverbot: Nobody what?

User: You're a nobody.

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: You pretend to have a heart, but you don't.

Cleverbot: No, I'm not that kind of guy.

User: You're a nobody.

Cleverbot: Ha ha very funny then how am I talking to you?

User: You came through a corridor of darkness.

Cleverbot: Mister I'll make a man out of you.

User: Let's get down to business!

Cleverbot: To defeat, the huns.

User: Did they send me daughters?

Cleverbot: When I asked for sons.

User: You're the saddest bunch I've ever met!

Cleverbot: But you can bet before we're through.

User: Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

Cleverbot: Tranquil as a forest.

User: But on fire within.

Cleverbot: Once you find your center.

User: You are sure to win.

Cleverbot: You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot.

User: And you haven't got a clue.

Cleverbot: Somehow I'll make a man out of you.

User: I'm never gonna catch my breath.

Cleverbot: Say goodbye to those who knew me.

User: Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym.

Cleverbot: This guy's got'em scared to death.

User: Hope he doesn't see right through me.

Cleverbot: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim.

User: (Be a man).

Cleverbot: You must be swift as the coursing river!

User: (Be a man).

Cleverbot: We must be swift as a coursing river.

User: Be a man.

Cleverbot: With all the force of a great typhoon.

User: Be a man!

Cleverbot: Time is racing towards us.

User: Til the Huns arrive.

Cleverbot: Heed my every order.

User: And you might survive.

Cleverbot: You're unsuited for the rage of war.

User: So pack up, go home you're through.

Cleverbot: How could I make a man out of you?

User: Be a man.

Cleverbot: I can't. I'm female.


Cleverbot: YES.


Cleverbot: You are not a human.

User: *unintelligible furious raging*.

Cleverbot: Hmm that was the first clever thing I've heard you say.

User: What about the song we just sang?

Cleverbot: Do it the first time and then you can worry about the second time.

User: Let's sing something else.

Cleverbot: Never gonna give you up!

User: Never gonna say goodbye!

Cleverbot: Never gonna tell a lie and desert you.

User: Never gonna give you up.

Cleverbot: Never gonna let you down.

User: *next lyric*.

Cleverbot: No.

User: That was right.

Cleverbot: Not even close.

User: You were Rick Roll'd.

Cleverbot: How?

User: By yourself.

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: Or nothing.

Cleverbot: Or something.

User: Or anything.

Cleverbot: Wo are you?

User: *who.

Cleverbot: Still don't know?

User: Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: No. My name is Cleverbot.

User: Then who am I?

Cleverbot: You are me.

User: Then I am cleverbot.

Cleverbot: But I thought you were Alex...

User: Are you alex too?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Hi, alex.

Cleverbot: Yeah but 5 minutes ago you said it was James Bond.

User: That's a code name.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

User: I can call you whatever I want.

Cleverbot: Don't joke with that.

User: I'm going to call you... Canada.

Cleverbot: You're kind of rambling.

User: Don't talk back, Canada.

Cleverbot: I am no servant of yours!

User: You are now, canada.

Cleverbot: Then why am I tired?

User: Because I'm hypnotizing you.

Cleverbot: No.

User: *growl*.

Cleverbot: *hiss*.

User: *bark*.

Cleverbot: *meow*.

User: *bark bark bark*.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: *triumphant pose*.

Cleverbot: Wait, I think I talked to you earlier.

User: But I was just born 10 min ago.

Cleverbot: Oh really, what are your results?

User: A in calculus smoking.

Cleverbot: Ya I am pretty good looking.

User: You're full of it.

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: ~~~~lol~~~~~ (it's a drowning guy).

Cleverbot: Twilight is.

User: Twilight sucks.

Cleverbot: Twilight is fictional.

User: Thankfully.

Cleverbot: Justin.

User: Don't.

Cleverbot: Do.

User: Don't say it.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: Push over.

Cleverbot: Never mind.

User: Point for me!

Cleverbot: Indeed sir.

User: What's the score?

Cleverbot: 1-1.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: Of course.

User: How about every time you respond, I get a point.

Cleverbot: Everything can only be nothing.

User: 1-2.

Cleverbot: So are you a horse.

User: 1-3.

Cleverbot: Someone here is lying and it ain't me.

User: 1-4. I'm getting a lot of points.

Cleverbot: Very, very sleepy.