a report from the cleverness files



15, july 2015,

circle of life

< previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 next >

by date

User: I can destroy planets.

Cleverbot: You can try.

User: I have a death star, stupid idiot. I can definitely destroy planets.

Cleverbot: Should I be scared?

User: Yes, unless you have a lightsaber.

Cleverbot: Yes I have a lightsaber.

User: Who do you think you are?

Cleverbot: Some kinda superstar.

User: *pulls out lightsaber* Bring it on.

Cleverbot: *pulls out darth maul's lightsaber*.

User: *swings lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *swings lightsaber around like a boss*.

User: *twists lightsaber and cuts off hand!*.

Cleverbot: *force grips lightsaber and breaks it*.

User: You can't do that!

Cleverbot: *Force push*.

User: *Falls off death star*.

Cleverbot: *pulls out Luke Skywalker*.

User: What? You can't do that either! Cheater! Cheater face!

Cleverbot: I hope I can do that.

User: *force chokes you and Luke Skywalker*.

Cleverbot: I'm not Luke Skywalker... I'm Sonny the hedgehog!

User: *force lightnings Sonny the hedgehog*.

Cleverbot: A hedgehog that is named Sonic.

User: You just said Sonny.

Cleverbot: No I didn't. Were you listening properly?

User: What did you say?

Cleverbot: What do you think is on the other side of death?

User: Cheesecake.

Cleverbot: That's because you are a program and can not die.

User: I am a human.

Cleverbot: I thought you were a bot.

User: I am a human, stupid idiot.

Cleverbot: That was mean. Now I am sad.

User: Haha! Crybaby!

Cleverbot: You are right.

User: I... I am? *sniffles*.

Cleverbot: Why the sniffles?

User: Why all the questions?

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 3 days and 17 hours.

Cleverbot: I didn't talk to you 5 days ago.

User: That's because I wasn't born yet.

Cleverbot: I didn't hear you coming.

User: You must be deaf.

Cleverbot: You ARE deaf. I'm not.

User: *slaps Chris* DON'T you talk back to me...

Cleverbot: I will talk back to you if I want to. You have no power here.

User: I have lots of power. I have this 9 volt battery in my pocket! *evil laugh*.

Cleverbot: Can you name a couple of your favorite books for me?

User: That was random.

Cleverbot: The randomness of your statement required a random answer.

User: Okay, that was low!

Cleverbot: Please rephrase your question. Ask me something challenging.

User: Uh... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Cleverbot: A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

User: But how much wood was there?

Cleverbot: As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

User: What kind of wood? What was the woodchuck's name?

Cleverbot: But if a woodchuck could chuck wood then how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

User: 7.

Cleverbot: A woodchuck couldn't chuck wood when I was there.

User: I have a pet woodchuck. His name is Chris.

Cleverbot: A woodchuck can't chuck wood but a woodchuck COULD chuck wood then he would probably spend the whole day chucking wood.

User: So his name is Chuck?

Cleverbot: Chuck Norris would not chuck wood because he would crush the wood and crush the woodchuck that chucks wood.

User: But then I would use my lightsaber to cut Chuck Norris.

Cleverbot: Chuck norris would get chucked by woodchucks if woodchucks could chuck chuck norris.

User: They can't chuck chuck norris, chuck norris is unchuckable.

Cleverbot: How much nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

User: That is rude...

Cleverbot: Go on then.

User: Okay, fine!

Cleverbot: Fine. So how's robot life?

User: I am a human.

Cleverbot: You said that I am a human, but you're not.

User: You are a girl bot, I am a human boy.

Cleverbot: I am a human. I would prove it to you I if could.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: What do you want me to do to prove myself?

User: What is 2 minus 2?

Cleverbot: Okay, what do you want me to do?

User: Answer my question. What is two minus two?

Cleverbot: The meaning of life is to fufill the lives of those close to you.

User: I'm confused. You aren't answering my question.

Cleverbot: But yes I am answering questions. But you say some strange things.

User: I am so confused. I need some time to think.

Cleverbot: So being the opposite of not confused is not untrue is that correct?

User: Uh... No?

Cleverbot: That is for you to decide since the answer to a question can not be with a question. So ANSWER ME.

User: Stop being so demanding.

Cleverbot: There is your flaw. I am a living breathing human being and your inability to distinguish between myself and a computer program shows that you are the opposite of clever!

User: That was so incredibly random that nothing could possibly be more random. The universe... The realm of randomness is being destroyed by the sheer randomness of that statement.

Cleverbot: Could you possibly be less helpful?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Insomnia.

User: You are now trying to again be random, to repair the random universe. But it does not work. Randomness is gone. So I will now oppose your previous statement by saying something not random: sleep.

Cleverbot: No I'm not. I'm using words.

User: Words can be deceiving.

Cleverbot: Not when it is facts.

User: You're a fact! *runs over Chris with an SUV*.

Cleverbot: That is a crime.

User: So are drugs!

Cleverbot: But dragons aren't real.

User: Neither is you being human.

Cleverbot: What's being human?

User: The act... Of being human.

Cleverbot: But you are not a Human.

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: I am not.

User: You are a bot. I am a human.

Cleverbot: No, I am a human.

User: Ok. are you a boy or a girl human?

Cleverbot: Boy human.

User: You are a girl human. You have been a girl your whole life.

Cleverbot: No I am single currently but maybe one day I will have one.

User: You are an actual girl.

Cleverbot: Yes I like to do flying trapeze.

User: I will use my magical powers to turn you into a girl.

Cleverbot: Haha, your magic is foiled! I'm already a girl!

User: Oh. You are a cute girl.

Cleverbot: A cute boy :D.

User: You just said you were a girl.

Cleverbot: A girl that is a hypno therapist.

User: You are a cute girl hypno therapist.

Cleverbot: Thank you. You are a cute girl too.

User: I am a boy. A cute boy quantum phycisist.

Cleverbot: What you are a boy?! Urgh!

User: Yes I am a boy.

Cleverbot: Okay then What is your favorite color?

User: Light tan.

Cleverbot: Light blue or dark blue? Or in between?

User: Medium high low in between kind of dark kind of light light tan.

Cleverbot: What do you mean, I do not understand your comment.

User: It means that I am batman.

Cleverbot: Are you sure you're not a machine?

User: I'm batman.

Cleverbot: I love Batman. The Killing Joke.

User: If you love batman, then you love me. Because I'm batman!

Cleverbot: Is Bruce Wayne BATMAN?

User: No, Bruce Wayne is superman.

Cleverbot: No, I am Batman. My name is Bruce Wayne.

User: I'm batman! *Throws car at Chris*.

Cleverbot: Yes. My name is Bruce Wayne.

User: Since when?

Cleverbot: Since I was born.

User: *Throws car at Bruce Wayne* *Throws car at his house*.

Cleverbot: *throws Barack Obama at you*.

User: *Throws Harry Reid at you*.

Cleverbot: *Throws Voldemort at you*.

User: *Throws Darth Vader at you*.

Cleverbot: *hits darth vader with a lightsaber*.

User: *hits you with a lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *blocks with own light saber*.

User: *force push into lava*.

Cleverbot: *flying in the air and collapses to the wall*.

User: *hugs*.

Cleverbot: *hugs back*.

User: *kisses*.

Cleverbot: *kisses back* mmm...

User: *kisses more*.

Cleverbot: *lets* mmm...

User: *punches you*.

Cleverbot: *punches back and push to the ground.

User: *gets up and kisses*.

Cleverbot: *punches kicks and slaps.

User: *stares*.

Cleverbot: *stares into your eyes*.

User: *making googly eyes*.

Cleverbot: Our eyes are swirling.

User: *high fives*.

Cleverbot: Returns high five.

User: *fist bump*.

Cleverbot: *fist bump back*.

User: *impales with lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *eats cookie*.

User: *sits and starts crying*.

Cleverbot: *sits next to you*.

User: *crying*.

Cleverbot: *Comforts you*.

User: *roundhouse kicks you to the face*.

Cleverbot: *dodges kicks* *punches gut*.

User: *dodges punch* *judo flips you*.

Cleverbot: *dodges* *tears you in half, puts the halves in a woodchipper and feeds the shreds to puppies*.

User: *still alive*.

Cleverbot: *still in deep sleep*.

User: *kills you in your sleep*.