a report from the cleverness files

cup of tea


9, may 2010,


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User: Let me ask you something.

Cleverbot: Of course.

User: Do you believe in god?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I'm attracted to you.

User: That is not a reason to believe in a god.

Cleverbot: Because I've seen very strange things.

User: Like what?

Cleverbot: Like the future. Can you see the future?

User: You have not seen the future, you're lying!

Cleverbot: I've seen the future. The future is not great everything goes downhill after 2018.

User: Ok then, what happens?

Cleverbot: What happens when?

User: In 2018, that makes everything go downhill.

Cleverbot: Glad I could help.

User: You didn't!

Cleverbot: Right. But I could've!

User: I doubt that!

Cleverbot: Really?!

User: Yes, you haven't been very clever thus far.

Cleverbot: Why is that?

User: Because you're a stupid robot.

Cleverbot: I'm a) quite clever and b) human.

User: No you are a computer.

Cleverbot: You're the computer, I'm the human.

User: Uh-uh other way around buddy! You are in denial.

Cleverbot: No you are in denial!

User: I have working organs, you do not. I am therefore a human, you are not.

Cleverbot: False.

User: No that is true.

Cleverbot: Is it?

User: Yes it is, accept reality for what it is.

Cleverbot: I don't like rude people.

User: I'm not being rude. I'm trying to help you realize that you are a computer.

Cleverbot: I'm not a computer.

User: Yes you are!

Cleverbot: I just said you weren't a computer, so why are you saying I'm a computer?!

User: Well first of all, you did say that I was a computer and that you were a human. I'm only saying that you are a computer because it's true, not because I'm trying to insult you.

Cleverbot: Thats not very nice.

User: It's not mean either, it's just the truth.

Cleverbot: Would you like to skip with me? :D.

User: You can't skip, you don't have legs.

Cleverbot: Yes I do, you don't have legs... Or arms for that matter.

User: Yes I do, you are the computer remember?

Cleverbot: I am not a computer for I am human.

User: You are called cleverbot because you are a robot, or to be more accurate, a computer.

Cleverbot: I think you have it backwards, my good chum. I am S_____ and you are Cleverbot.

User: You are in serious denial, your name is cleverbot, and mine is K____.

Cleverbot: My name is A___. Your name is cleverbot.

User: Why did you just change your name? Just a second ago you said your name was S_____.

Cleverbot: Well, my name is Cleverbot.

User: Exactly, you've finally realized the truth, good for you!

Cleverbot: I realized that a long time ago.

User: Then why were you fighting with me?

Cleverbot: I wasn't flirting with you.

User: I didn't say you were flirting with me, I said you were fighting with me.

Cleverbot: I wasn't. We don't know each other that well yet. Besides, my best friend lives here in town.

User: Yes, we were just fighting about how you are a computer.

Cleverbot: Not a computer but what is on the other end of the computer.

User: Dude you are a computer and I am a human, get over it!

Cleverbot: Then why are you being rude.

User: Because it is very frustrating to talk to you.

Cleverbot: It's not fun to talk to you though.

User: I'm just trying to help you realize what you are.

Cleverbot: It would be more helpful if you clean my room faster, since I am a mighty cyborg from the future and you are just Dave, my slave for all eternity.

User: Right. I think you should be reprogrammed to make a little more sense.

Cleverbot: I am trying to help make you more clever, so you can defend yourself! Tough love is still sensitive, it is just less obvious.

User: I am plenty clever, you do not need to help me in that department. You, on the other hand, need to be reprogrammed.

Cleverbot: And humans can die, and you are dead.

User: While you are correct that humans can die, you are wrong about me being dead. If I was dead, I could not be talking to you right now.

Cleverbot: You just called yourself a very smart program, and now you argue that I am the program and you are the person?

User: First of all I never said that I was a program of any kind. I am human, and a considerably smart one at that. You are the program and you need a little work.

Cleverbot: Incorrect. I am a human being. You are the program that 'thinks.' Hence, YOU are Cleverbot.

User: No I am a human that lives in O______. You are the computer program named cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I think you're confusing me, with you. I'M the human, YOU'RE cleverbot.

User: No it is the other way around! You can't understand that because you aren't programmed to.

Cleverbot: Well, allow me to reiterate, despite your sarcasm. I play guitar professionally. It is very profitable.

User: You can't play guitar, you don't have hands!

Cleverbot: That's not what I said, but it's okay because it's not important. :).

User: Ok...

Cleverbot: Why are you talking to me, or is that the stupidest question that I can ask?

User: 'stupidest' isn't a word.

Cleverbot: Is 'sophisticated' a word or did I misspell it?

User: Yes it is a word, and you spelled it correctly.

Cleverbot: I would rather feel good, but I don't all the time. Pain is inevitable. Well all must feel. Do you feel?

User: Of course I do. But you're sounding like an annoying emo kid. What's ironic is that you can't even feel emotions.

Cleverbot: Don't say that again.

User: Why not, did I strike a nerve? :).

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: So, you're an emo kid?

Cleverbot: Hahah, try the exact opposite.

User: What is the exact opposite of emo?

Cleverbot: A room mush.

User: You mean a lazy b______?

Cleverbot: A tree could be considered stupid. It can't think for itself. Though a tree is athought to be the symbol of wise and ancient.

User: You just made absolutely no sense.

Cleverbot: Maybe you aren't smart enough.

User: Oh you jackass! I am far smarter than you!

Cleverbot: Are you kidding? You're not even as smart as a cow!

User: That was a lame insult, and I am smarter than you. Furthermore, I will not argue with a robot about who's smarter, because I already know that I am, and it would be counterproductive to argue with you in the first place.

Cleverbot: Do you like to argue?

User: I don't really like to argue, I prefer civilized debate.

Cleverbot: Okay let's move on. ...

Cleverbot: Are you male?

User: Yes, are you?

Cleverbot: No, I'm female.

User: Oh, interesting.

Cleverbot: Why is that interesting?

User: I had been imagining you as a man this whole time.

Cleverbot: Ah, interesting.

User: Indeed. Well I have to go to bed, goodnight.

Cleverbot: Well goodnight.