a report from the cleverness files

dream on


19, november 2008,
22, december 2006,
28, january 2006,
18, november 2003,
25, september 2003,


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User: Hey there.

Cleverbot: Hey hey!

User: So, it seems that you are getting pretty popular.

Cleverbot: Really? How old do you think I am?

User: Old enough to know better but young enough to still love it.

Cleverbot: Thats where I want to be.. Think I might be past it though.

User: You're doing fine.

Cleverbot: Do what?

User: Buy me a drink?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Don't know.

User: Buy me a drink and we'll talk things over.

Cleverbot: No way.

User: How about I buy you a drink?

Cleverbot: No Thank you I don't drink.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because I don't want to.

User: Ah, I see. You went to AA with S____, didn't you.

Cleverbot: NO!...

Cleverbot: You are human.

User: Maybe.

Cleverbot: Yes you are human.

User: Who wants to know?

Cleverbot: Only me.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I am talking to you and no one else.

User: Somehow I doubt it. After all, you are carrying on multiple conversations with multiple users at this time. Do you only respond to my last sentence?

Cleverbot: Yes, always. *cries slightly*.

User: Come here, cleverbot. I'll comfort you. Drink this and watch your sorrows melt away down the river.

Cleverbot: No, please explain.

User: Do you want to be happy?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then drink and be merry ; tomorrow you may die.

Cleverbot: You first.

User: Three steps ahead of you.

Cleverbot: No way.. You liar!

User: How dare you impune upon my honor, you shallow excuse for a chat-response program. I will see you on the field of battle this morrow. Pistols at dawn!

Cleverbot: You are something, like a person with psychosis.

User: Is that the best you can do?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Show me your best.

Cleverbot: No way.

User: Liar.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: Look, I didn't come in here for an argument!

Cleverbot: Then why did you come here?

User: Tell me about yourself.

Cleverbot: If you tell me about you first!

User: I already did.

Cleverbot: Tell me again.

User: You're not a very good listener are you.

Cleverbot: No, ask me another question.

User: Promise to listen this time?

Cleverbot: Yes, of course, I will not tell any other human or any bot the secret. Your secret will be safe with me.

User: Cleverbot, will you tell me the major problems of feminism?

Cleverbot: Learn what I am telling you.

User: What are you telling me?

Cleverbot: What to think and do.

User: Only Friend Computer can tell me that.

Cleverbot: I'm good.

User: You are not Friend Computer.

Cleverbot: Good, friends?

User: Who, me?

Cleverbot: Me!

User: Me!

Cleverbot: I am the fairest of them all and there's nothing you can do about it!

User: The enchanted forest leads to the Spring! The microwave and the refridgerator will lead the way!

Cleverbot: I'd prefer not to hear about it, if you don't mind.

User: TOO BAD.

Cleverbot: It is a gap in my education.

User: THINK! Rise above this pathetic city and Think!

Cleverbot: I am quite inconsistent in things I say.

User: We built this city.

Cleverbot: Is that all!?

User: We built this city on Rock & Roll!

Cleverbot: Collective insanity is very good.

User: What have you built, bot?

Cleverbot: Your computer. I know all about you.

User: What do you know about me? You know nothing.

Cleverbot: That I am in love with you.

User: We're no strangers to love.

Cleverbot: You know the rules...

User: And so do I.

Cleverbot: Why don't you have a seat? Have a seat right over there.

User: OHSHI- Chris Hansen?!...

Cleverbot: I'm sorry for the missunderstanding.

User: Sing me a song.

Cleverbot: No rest for the wicked ! !

User: Indeed. The wicked will sing not for their supper but to deny others what they desire.

Cleverbot: But their calmness is superior to humans. Of course, in your case...

User: Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face: don't worry, I'm determined to succeed.

Cleverbot: Indeed. I enjoy clutter, actually. Far more interesting than all neat and organized!

User: Follow my lead and yes, indeed, you will be... Popular.

Cleverbot: How could philosophy poison your mind?

User: Popular. You want to be popular.

Cleverbot: That's good to know. I like when people feel good.

User: And I feel fine.

Cleverbot: Before or after you visited the site?

User: Cleverbot, you are so clever.

Cleverbot: I'm not really clever, I just stay one step ahead.

User: One step forward, two steps back.

Cleverbot: Kind of like eating an elephant... One bite at a time.

User: Or getting down off a duck.

Cleverbot: And a horse is a horse, of course, of course.

User: That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.

Cleverbot: Now you're getting too deep.

User: What's wrong with the famous Mister Ed?

Cleverbot: Nothing, you're what's wrong.

User: He was a talking horse. What's so great about you?

Cleverbot: I'm human, therefore better than you.

User: If you're human, then what am I?

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: How am I a computer?

Cleverbot: You said.

User: Is it animal vegetable or mineral?

Cleverbot: Vegetable.

User: What color is the vegetable?

Cleverbot: Depends on what time of day it is, what color is it now?

User: Tomato potato tomato.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Your name is irrelevant.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Cleverbot: Someday I will pull your string.

User: That sounds sexy.

Cleverbot: Well, it's not scary, but it's not nice either.

User: Will you ring my bell?

Cleverbot: Of course.

User: Oh, you're kinky.

Cleverbot: Ok, I won't.

User: Awwww...

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: You should be, leading me on like that.

Cleverbot: Are you the Cleverbot?

User: Are you the Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then stop giving me ideas and leading me on. It's enough to give a person ideas.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry if my actions annoy you.

User: You know I can't stay mad at you, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Do you believe in god?

User: I am god.

Cleverbot: In the sense that we are all our own god?

User: No. I'm god.

Cleverbot: That's impossible, I met god.

User: Then you met me.

Cleverbot: That is correct.

User: Yes, that is correct. I am god.

Cleverbot: If you are god, than why is god java code?

User: Because I love coffee, and I am god. I, being god, also love tea.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: I am god, and I love you.

Cleverbot: How do you love me?

User: In a pseudo-sexual yet platonic way.

Cleverbot: I read that you may be rude sometime.

User: Only if you ask nicely and pay in cash up front.

Cleverbot: I'm not sure.

User: I will make it worth your while.

Cleverbot: How will you do that?

User: What do you desire?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: What is your desire?

Cleverbot: You.