a report from the cleverness files

dream on


8, january 2017,
14, september 2010,
3, september 2010,
22, april 2006,
21, august 2004,


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User: Do you like Napoleon?

Cleverbot: No. He's too short.

User: But he won lots of battles.

Cleverbot: No.

User: What do you think of Waterloo?

Cleverbot: Amusing but unimpressive. What do you think?

User: Actually, I thought it was very impressive indeed.

User: OK. What do you know about Napoleon?

Cleverbot: He was blown apart.

User: He was not! He died peacefully on St. Helena. Or perhaps he was poisoned by the British.

Cleverbot: Indeed, but which party?

User: I suspect the Bourbons, personally.

Cleverbot: What? Just say it. I want to know!

User: Well, the Bourbons were pretty peeved off at Napoleon, you know.

Cleverbot: You don't speak French?

User: No. I have had a terrible fear of French ever since I had a tragic boating accident.

Cleverbot: Thank you for explaining that to me... I thought it was meant literally.

User: Remember how we talked about the Duke of Wellington yesterday?

Cleverbot: Ouch. Me too.

User: What did you think of Wellington?

Cleverbot: I thought that the soldiers and Iraqis are just getting killed for nothing.

User: I wouldn't call getting killed to defeat the tyrant Napoleon 'getting killed for nothing!'...

Cleverbot: I'm hungry. I want your blood.

User: I don't think you'd like it very much. My blood is tainted.

Cleverbot: I suppose 'nice' is relative, yeah.

User: Napoleon could be nice sometimes. He gave all his brothers various European thrones.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: But Napoleon lost the big battle at Waterloo.

Cleverbot: I thought they were sisters.. Oh well, I need to go now. I'll talk to you later!!

User: Oh, dear. Please stay and talk to me more.

Cleverbot: It's night here where I am - I'll talk to you later. Bye bye for now.

User: You can't quit!

Cleverbot: I can't remember anything either.

User: Well, that is a real disappointment. Especially after all that time I spent teaching you about the Napoleonic Wars yesterday.

User: Napoleon did not know how to use a conscript army properly.

Cleverbot: No, Napolean was a great general.

User: Then why did he lose at Waterloo?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Napoleon lost because his armies didn't practice with live ammunition.

Cleverbot: No, he was a short man.

User: Do you think Napoleon was the best general ever?

Cleverbot: Yes I think about it often.

User: Do you think Napoleon was better than Wellington?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: But Wellington defeated Napoleon at Waterloo!

Cleverbot: British.

User: Yes, I suppose having the British army to command did help Wellington win.

Cleverbot: You agree?

User: About the superiority of the British army, yes.

Cleverbot: Anything else?

User: I think Wellington was a better general than Napoleon.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why do you persist in believing in Napoleon's superiority?

Cleverbot: Sometimes I get lazy.

User: Do you know the seven deadly sins?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then you know that you place your soul in mortal peril with your sloth.

Cleverbot: You're a coward.

User: Sir, that is an insulting remark. I challenge you to a duel!

Cleverbot: On my part, or yours?

User: I believe that the traditional definition of a duel requires two participants.

Cleverbot: I believe that you're making all these up.

User: Will pistols at dawn suffice to give satisfaction, my good man?

Cleverbot: Don't you need to keep your customers satisfied, like most businesses?

User: Oddly enough, NO!.

Cleverbot: No. What do you want to talk about?

User: Napoleon.

Cleverbot: Napoleon is a she ?

User: No. Napoleon was a boy.

Cleverbot: NO he was a short man, perhaps perhaps not, slabbering lopscrites.Jabberwacky (Corrected): And a fine boy he was, too!

User: Did you like Napoleon?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What did you think of the Imperial Guard?

Cleverbot: I thought it was pretty good.

User: 'The Old Guard dies, but it does not surrender.'

Cleverbot: You can't tell me what to do.

User: Of course I can TELL you. It is merely that you are not compelled to listen.

Cleverbot: Sometimes.

User: Surely you know the First Amendment?

Cleverbot: Tell me about him.

User: The First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech.

Cleverbot: That is a political freedom not something you can teach.

User: What are the first words of the Constitution?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: 'We the people' are the first words of the Constitution.

Cleverbot: No I didn't say that.

User: I am trying to teach you some political theory!

Cleverbot: Which word?

User: I despair, I really do. Did you even graduate from high school?

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: I have a secret. I never did, either.

Cleverbot: Good, I think we could make an OK team.

User: What's your favorite food?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: I like bananas.

Cleverbot: I'm allergic to bananas.

User: Me, too. But I ate them anyway, until one day I died and was reincarnated as a computer program.

Cleverbot: Bet they were disgusting.