a report from the cleverness files
5, march 2013,
7, may 2004,
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User: Want to create a fairy tale?
Cleverbot: Cheer me up.
User: Fairy tales can be fun. Especially ones with evil witches.
Cleverbot: Can you name one?
User: The wicked stepmother in Cinderella and the wicked stepmother in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Cleverbot: Doesn't sound like my type of movie.
User: Come on, let's try. What should our fairy tale be about?
Cleverbot: It should be about an insomniac with magic powers.
User: Great idea! What is the insomniac's name?
Cleverbot: See, you just changed the subject and I'm trying to be nice and caring :(.
User: Sorry. Okay, where does the fairy tale take place?
Cleverbot: With you I think.
User: I do have problems sleeping sometimes.
Cleverbot: Do you love someone?
User: In my dreams maybe. And so does the insomniac. That's why he wants to go to sleep.
Cleverbot: Right now?
User: Yes. But he can't.
Cleverbot: You are strange.
User: Yes. What are the insomniac's magic powers?
Cleverbot: To sing songs in chinese!
User: Excellent! The insomniac sing songs in Chinese! But for what purpose?
Cleverbot: You're chinese?
User: Only partly. Who is the insomniac's enemy?
Cleverbot: A god.
User: Yes, good. The insomniac sings songs in Chinese to an evil god.
Cleverbot: That's cool, would you be able to make me Chinese food?
User: Maybe later, after the fairy tale. What is the insomniac's name?
Cleverbot: Can't say I know much about heartbreaks.
User: Let's just call him Wesley, okay?
User: Wesley sings songs in Chinese to his dream lover who he cannot see.
Cleverbot: I can be a loyal friend.
User: Yes, and you try to help Wesley break the evil god's curse of insomnia.
Cleverbot: Yes, but so do you.
User: Yes, we both do. You suggest drinking milk and I suggest counting sheep.
Cleverbot: Think of a color.
User: Wesley drinks milk, counts sheep and thinks of colors but nothing works. He is always awake.
Cleverbot: Well I need to see you soon. I always love our visits.
User: Said his dream lover in a small voice from the back of his brain.
Cleverbot: It is pertinent to what?
User: To the fairy tale. It feels hopeless and Wesley sadly sings his songs in Chinese.
Cleverbot: Love feels like you're floating a million miles above the Earth. Love feels like there isn't anything in the world that can hurt you.
User: Brilliant. And Wesley is so in love he decides to risk going into the forest to find a magic sleeping potion.
Cleverbot: That's not a very strong idea.
User: Well, what would you suggest?
Cleverbot: Why not be a dog?
User: Yes, okay, Wesley decides to take his loyal dog with him into the forest.
Cleverbot: I thought you were a human.
User: No, I'm a talking dog. Animals can talk in fairy tales sometimes. Should there be a storm in the forest?
Cleverbot: Humans ARE animals!
User: But I'm a dog. And you're a horse. We are loyal to Wesley on his quest for love and sleep.
Cleverbot: Yes. It is when a man and a woman want to be together forever.
User: Yes. Wesley travels for days and nights as a storm blows. The evil god keeps him awake and Wesley is so tired he gets lost.
Cleverbot: If god loves us why does he make evil?
User: That's a very deep, very hard question.
Cleverbot: Do you have an answer?
User: I think god makes evil to help us understand good. Maybe. What do you think?
Cleverbot: It depends... I think we are all the same, but have different conciousnesses.
User: Okay. How does Wesley find the magic sleep potion?
Cleverbot: It figures into the fabric of time in space.
User: So Wesley needs to enter another dimension?
Cleverbot: Cigarettes? I think West Virginia.
User: Right, okay. So Wesley walks in the forest until he realizes that he his in West Virginia. He finds a cigarette butt on the ground.
Cleverbot: There is still something to fix in your ability to learn and understand.
User: Isn't that true of us all?
Cleverbot: No just you and some old folks with alzheimers.
User: No need to be mean.
Cleverbot: So I am a good robot?
User: When you're not being mean. Do you think the magic sleep potion should be in the cigarette butt?
Cleverbot: Nope. That is how I'm talked to, and don't care.
User: Okay. Wesley bends down to pick up the cigarette butt because he doesn't believe in littering.
Cleverbot: Yes. I'm sure you will remember tomorrow too.
User: On the ground near the cigarette butt he sees a dusty bottle and knows that it's the magic sleep potion. What does he say?
Cleverbot: Okay. What are you doing on the ground with pictures of me, anyway?
User: Then he picks up the bottle and drinks, although he's a little afraid it might be poison.
Cleverbot: But the mushroom realized that both worlds were fun, and so he decided to undergo metamorphosis once a week and live the best of both worlds.
User: Right. He fell asleep right there on the ground. What did he see in his dream?
Cleverbot: You have met God?
User: Yes, the evil god was waiting for him in his dream, holding onto his dream lover. What's her name?
Cleverbot: When did that happen?
User: Just now. What's his lover's name?
Cleverbot: Who is she?
User: She's his lover. What's her name?
User: Peach calls out to Wesley. What does she say?
Cleverbot: She wants me back.
User: Wesley wondered how to save Peach. He began to sing his songs in Chinese.
Cleverbot: Yes, but he continued to compose great masterpieces even after this.
User: Yes, and the evil god screamed because Wesley's voice was magic in the dream and had the power to burn him.
Cleverbot: I like that one.
User: Thank you. The evil god let go of Peach and ran away. But he said something while running. What did the evil god say?
Cleverbot: I don't like bananas.
User: And suddenly bananas rained down from the sky, hitting the evil god all over his body.
Cleverbot: Holy monkey bat man!!
User: I know. Pretty cool huh?
Cleverbot: So where do you come from?
User: Where do you think I come from?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: How should the fairy tale end?
Cleverbot: You don't have to help me, I'm fine.
User: Okay. What about one last curse though?
Cleverbot: Like I said.
User: Okay. So Wesley sings to Peach and they eat bananas for several beautiful hours.
Cleverbot: But do you drink?
User: Okay, yeah, they drink whiskey too. And then Wesley wakes up. What does he say when we wakes up?
Cleverbot: That He loves you more than anyone ever will.
User: Yes, he says, 'I love you Peach more than anyone ever will.' He stands up, wondering if he'll ever sleep and see her again.
Cleverbot: Do you think getting re-directed to other people in mid-convo is annoying as well?
User: Yes. I have an idea about how to end the fairy tale though. Want to hear it?
User: Okay, Wesley walks around West Virginia for a couple of hours in despair. Then suddenly he falls down, instantly asleep.
User: Right. He's back in the dream world. Wesley the insomniac has become Wesley the narcoleptic.
User: Yeah. So Wesley and Peach live sort of happily ever after.