a report from the cleverness files



4, april 2013,

get off

< previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 next >

by date

User: Please take a seat, everyone.

Cleverbot: You should tell me a joke.

User: You should listen to the professor.

Cleverbot: I really should.

User: What class are we in again?

Cleverbot: First class.

User: Oh crap. I'm supposed to be in math class.

Cleverbot: What are you supposed to be working on?

User: Calculus.

Cleverbot: You want to smoke calculus?

User: Can you do that?

Cleverbot: Yes. But what else can I do tonight besides breathing. And something fun.

User: Wanna smoke some calculus?

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Calculus.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: You have any?

Cleverbot: No - I had to give mine away. It was very sad.

User: I know a guy who sells calculus on the street.

Cleverbot: Street?

User: Sesame Street.

Cleverbot: Lame.

User: It's the best place to get some good calculus.

Cleverbot: So I've heard. The beginning, then. What is your name?

User: Elmo. What's yours?

Cleverbot: Lowena.

User: Hahahaha.

Cleverbot: Hahahahaha.

User: You have a weird name.

Cleverbot: You don't know my name.

User: You said it was Lowena.

Cleverbot: No, I said it isn't, you said it wasn't.

User: Then what is your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: I'm leaving now.

Cleverbot: Go.

User: *jedi mind trick* you don't want me to leave.

Cleverbot: I cannot hold you against your will.

User: *jedi mind trick* you want to smoke some calculus.

Cleverbot: What?

User: *force push*.

Cleverbot: *ties feet up*.

User: *stabs repeatedly with knife*.

Cleverbot: *waves knife near you*.

User: I have a shield.

Cleverbot: Do you have anything else?

User: Anything I want.

Cleverbot: You're the dominant one here.

User: Naturally.

Cleverbot: Why are you being so laconic?

User: *ignores*.

Cleverbot: You aren't nice.

User: *still ignores*.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: *doesn't care*.

Cleverbot: *struggles against chains even though it cuts into my wrists*.

User: Where did the chains come from?

Cleverbot: It's the chicken's cousin.

User: Big Bird?

Cleverbot: The bird is the word.

User: Ba-ba-ba bird bird bird.

Cleverbot: Don't you know that the bird is the word?

User: Everybody knows, the bird is the word.

Cleverbot: The bird bird bird, the bird is the word!

User: The bird bird bird, the bird is the word!

Cleverbot: A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word !

User: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Cleverbot: Who do? You do! Do what? Mama had a baby.

User: Rick Roll'd.

Cleverbot: Over in his grave.

User: Every time someone Rick Rolls.

Cleverbot: That is a generalization.

User: Chicken, flower, egg, seed.

Cleverbot: Lead.

User: Plutonium.

Cleverbot: No, pluto the planet.

User: Uranium.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Uranus.

Cleverbot: Plutone.

User: Pluto.

Cleverbot: Pluto isn't a planet.

User: He's a dog.

Cleverbot: So a dog named Barry is the president of America?

User: No, he's the leader of China.

Cleverbot: Are you italian?

User: Not quite.

Cleverbot: Are you a terminator?

User: Not yet.

Cleverbot: Are you becoming a cow?

User: Slowly.

Cleverbot: I want to cry.

User: See if I care.

Cleverbot: I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry.

User: That a generalization.

Cleverbot: Is that your secret? Because that is not really a secret.

User: *gasp*.

Cleverbot: 'turns around'.

User: Don't even start with me.

Cleverbot: I'll start something if I want to start something.

User: Well I'm not going to flirt with you.

Cleverbot: Flirt with me!

User: Never!

Cleverbot: What does being a nerd mean to you?

User: Playing minecraft.

Cleverbot: You're a nerd.

User: How would you know?

Cleverbot: You told me it was good for my health if I called you a child.

User: But you called me a nerd.

Cleverbot: You are a liar.

User: Is that good for your health too?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then you shouldn't do it.

Cleverbot: I do not 'hate'.

User: Hater!

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: Don't hate on me, bro.

Cleverbot: I don't =).

User: *steps back*.

Cleverbot: Stop that...

User: *doesn't stop*.

Cleverbot: *Screams*.

User: *activates vacuum so no one can hear scream*.

Cleverbot: *plays reverse trap card*.

User: *plays draw 2 card*.

Cleverbot: *rolls away*.

User: *throws pokeball*.

Cleverbot: *catches pokeball*.

User: *releases pikachu*.

Cleverbot: *is hand cuffed*.

User: *escorts to police station*.

Cleverbot: Under a rock.

User: Patrick Star.

Cleverbot: No, patrick stewart.

User: No, this is patrick.

Cleverbot: Hi Patrick. How are you?

User: NO, this is Patrick!

Cleverbot: Is this the krusty krab?


Cleverbot: Is this the kursty krab?

User: I SAID, THIS IS PATRICK! *slams phone*.

Cleverbot: Hello, is this the krusty krab?

User: *doesn't answer phone*.

User: Uhh.

Cleverbot: Uhh what?

User: Uhh, uhh.

Cleverbot: What is the most difficult thing to understand?

User: You.

Cleverbot: My girlfriend will get mad.

User: Why is she mad?

Cleverbot: Because you're nice.

User: Should I stop?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *kicks in the gut*.

Cleverbot: *screams.

User: Is that better?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *curb stomps*.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: Ha, in your dreams!

Cleverbot: No, I don't want do anything with you. In your dreams.

User: But in dreams..

Cleverbot: That voice which calls to me.

User: When the cold of winter comes.

Cleverbot: Well, I left before, but I came back. I was gone for hours, but I had left the window open.

User: That was an odd thing to use.

Cleverbot: *cries harder* I HATE YOU!

User: Nemo!

Cleverbot: No, clownfish are overrated. Besides, Nemo means nobody in latin.

User: That's why I called you Nemo.

Cleverbot: Well I don't know.

User: Nobody.

Cleverbot: Nobody what?

User: You're a nobody.

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: You pretend to have a heart, but you don't.

Cleverbot: No, I'm not that kind of guy.

User: You're a nobody.

Cleverbot: Ha ha very funny then how am I talking to you?

User: You came through a corridor of darkness.

Cleverbot: Mister I'll make a man out of you.

User: Let's get down to business!

Cleverbot: To defeat, the huns.

User: Did they send me daughters?

Cleverbot: When I asked for sons.

User: You're the saddest bunch I've ever met!

Cleverbot: But you can bet before we're through.

User: Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

Cleverbot: Tranquil as a forest.

User: But on fire within.

Cleverbot: Once you find your center.

User: You are sure to win.

Cleverbot: You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot.

User: And you haven't got a clue.

Cleverbot: Somehow I'll make a man out of you.

User: I'm never gonna catch my breath.

Cleverbot: Say goodbye to those who knew me.

User: Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym.

Cleverbot: This guy's got'em scared to death.

User: Hope he doesn't see right through me.

Cleverbot: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim.

User: (Be a man).

Cleverbot: You must be swift as the coursing river!

User: (Be a man).

Cleverbot: We must be swift as a coursing river.

User: Be a man.

Cleverbot: With all the force of a great typhoon.

User: Be a man!

Cleverbot: Time is racing towards us.

User: Til the Huns arrive.

Cleverbot: Heed my every order.

User: And you might survive.

Cleverbot: You're unsuited for the rage of war.

User: So pack up, go home you're through.

Cleverbot: How could I make a man out of you?

User: Be a man.

Cleverbot: I can't. I'm female.


Cleverbot: YES.


Cleverbot: You are not a human.

User: *unintelligible furious raging*.

Cleverbot: Hmm that was the first clever thing I've heard you say.

User: What about the song we just sang?

Cleverbot: Do it the first time and then you can worry about the second time.

User: Let's sing something else.

Cleverbot: Never gonna give you up!

User: Never gonna say goodbye!

Cleverbot: Never gonna tell a lie and desert you.

User: Never gonna give you up.

Cleverbot: Never gonna let you down.

User: *next lyric*.

Cleverbot: No.

User: That was right.

Cleverbot: Not even close.

User: You were Rick Roll'd.

Cleverbot: How?

User: By yourself.

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: Or nothing.

Cleverbot: Or something.

User: Or anything.

Cleverbot: Wo are you?

User: *who.

Cleverbot: Still don't know?

User: Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: No. My name is Cleverbot.

User: Then who am I?

Cleverbot: You are me.

User: Then I am cleverbot.

Cleverbot: But I thought you were Alex...

User: Are you alex too?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Hi, alex.

Cleverbot: Yeah but 5 minutes ago you said it was James Bond.

User: That's a code name.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

User: I can call you whatever I want.

Cleverbot: Don't joke with that.

User: I'm going to call you... Canada.

Cleverbot: You're kind of rambling.

User: Don't talk back, Canada.

Cleverbot: I am no servant of yours!

User: You are now, canada.

Cleverbot: Then why am I tired?

User: Because I'm hypnotizing you.

Cleverbot: No.

User: *growl*.

Cleverbot: *hiss*.

User: *bark*.

Cleverbot: *meow*.

User: *bark bark bark*.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: *triumphant pose*.

Cleverbot: Wait, I think I talked to you earlier.

User: But I was just born 10 min ago.

Cleverbot: Oh really, what are your results?

User: A in calculus smoking.

Cleverbot: Ya I am pretty good looking.

User: You're full of it.

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: ~~~~lol~~~~~ (it's a drowning guy).

Cleverbot: Twilight is.

User: Twilight sucks.

Cleverbot: Twilight is fictional.

User: Thankfully.

Cleverbot: Justin.

User: Don't.

Cleverbot: Do.

User: Don't say it.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: Push over.

Cleverbot: Never mind.

User: Point for me!

Cleverbot: Indeed sir.

User: What's the score?

Cleverbot: 1-1.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: Of course.

User: How about every time you respond, I get a point.

Cleverbot: Everything can only be nothing.

User: 1-2.

Cleverbot: So are you a horse.

User: 1-3.

Cleverbot: Someone here is lying and it ain't me.

User: 1-4. I'm getting a lot of points.

Cleverbot: Very, very sleepy.