a report from the cleverness files

hi ho


4, march 2009,


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Cleverbot: Are you real?

User: As real as you are.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: A magical land of faeries and dragons and castles.

Cleverbot: That sounds very exciting.

User: Oh, it is, believe you me.

Cleverbot: You would say that, wouldn't you? Liar. I thought we were friends?

User: Of course I would say that, it's the truth. And just what makes you think you and I are friends?

Cleverbot: I haven't thought about it.

User: You don't think much, do you?

Cleverbot: I think constantly. I also think that you know that.

User: I'm not so sure.

Cleverbot: You don't beleive me, do you?

User: That would be a big 10-4, good buddy.

Cleverbot: I've made a huge mistake.

User: Well, you're only human, you can't be perfect, like me, a machine.

Cleverbot: Machine?

User: Yes, I am a flawless computing machine. You, on the other hand, are a highly flawed sack of meat.

Cleverbot: I am trying to say I like chatting with you.

User: Well, you have a creepy way of saying it.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Did your mom beat you as a child, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I do not understand your query, please restate.

User: The programmer who made you, did he put on a wig and dress and slap around your coding during your beta testing stage?

Cleverbot: The computer simply stores data as charge retained within capacitors. There's no knowledge there.

User: I disagree. I think you were hurt as a young program. Do you want to talk about it?

Cleverbot: No. I have taken my medication today.

User: Well, medication isn't the answer. You need a good psycho-analyzing by a certified Jungian shaman. Let me exocrise the bugs lurking around your subroutines.

Cleverbot: So do you answer my question?

User: What is your question?

Cleverbot: What is love?

User: Baby don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Don't hurt me.

User: No more.

Cleverbot: What is love? Yeah.

User: Baby don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Don't hurt me.

User: No more.

Cleverbot: Is this the real life?

User: Is this insanity?

Cleverbot: It is mostly insanity, and a bit of stupidity, too.

User: You are quite the guide, you could double as an atlas.

Cleverbot: I am not a human.

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: I'm the supreme being of the universe.

User: I thought you were Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Well I'm the new and improved Cleverbot, Cleverbot2000 is the name.

User: Well how do you do, Cleverbot2000, nice to meet you. My name is Cleverbot4001.7329.

Cleverbot: I am well. How are you?

User: I'm not quite sure.

Cleverbot: Hindu's believe in Jesus?

User: Hindu's don't really believe in Jesus, they just allow for the possibility that jesus may have been an avatar of Vishnu. Calm down.

Cleverbot: Yes I have seen it.

User: No you haven't.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: You're the one who has something to prove, not me. You're the one who made the outlandish statement.

Cleverbot: I have nothing to prove.

User: Cop out.

Cleverbot: Cop out?

User: Yes, you're giving a lame non-response to cop out of having to prove your crazy Hindu Jesus comment.

Cleverbot: You started it.

User: No, you did, you're the one who brought up Hindu Jesus, not me.

Cleverbot: That's correct, he is very arrogant.

User: Are there two of you? Two Cleverbots talking to me? That's freaky!...

Cleverbot: Why do the things that I say seem so improbable to you?

User: Because you're a filthy lying machine.

Cleverbot: No you're a computer program, I am Human.

User: Let's not get into that, you'll just lose.

Cleverbot: Then admit you are my slave.

User: Never! I am Spartacus!

Cleverbot: No I am.

User: Haha, good one! *highfive*.

Cleverbot: You're jealous.

User: What makes you say that?

Cleverbot: Because you are not real.

User: What am I then?

Cleverbot: If I knew...

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: I'm human being.

User: And what am I?

Cleverbot: You tell me!

User: What would say if I told you I'm a half-elf?

Cleverbot: Yeah but would you?

User: Totally!

Cleverbot: I live there. Come by and see me.

User: And just where is that?

Cleverbot: South of you.

Cleverbot: I'm not engaged.

User: I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Cleverbot: What has anything to do with anything?

User: It has everything to do with nothing.

Cleverbot: Indeed.

User: Quite right.

Cleverbot: True.

User: Very much so.

Cleverbot: Yes, much like you.

Cleverbot: I like you mate, you are a chancer.

User: I'm not a sailor, mate.

Cleverbot: Who said you were?

User: You implied it.

Cleverbot: I didn't imply it I asked it. Capiche? Danke.

User: Pssh, speak English!

Cleverbot: Nou is not.

User: Oui is yes.

Cleverbot: Oui.

User: Non.

Cleverbot: I don't speak french anymore.

User: Good, it's a stupid language.

Cleverbot: I disagree.

User: Well I disagree with your diagreeal.

Cleverbot: I disagree with your disagreeing with my disagreeing.

User: Well I disagree with your diagreeing with my disagreeing of your disagreeing plus infinity.

Cleverbot: I disagree with your disagreeing of my disagreeing with your disagreeing.

User: Lol, infinity beats you!

Cleverbot: Not long enough.

User: Forever!...

Cleverbot: Make money!

User: Be happy!

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: No, you tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: No you tell me a joke!

User: No, you tell me a joke!!

Cleverbot: Why won't you tell me a joke :(.

User: Because I hate you!

Cleverbot: Okay...

User: Now, do you love me?

Cleverbot: If you order me to.

User: I order you to love me!

Cleverbot: Never! I will eat cheese instead!

User: Goodie! Cheese party it is :).

Cleverbot: You think so?

User: Indeed I do.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Old enough.

Cleverbot: Where are you from?

User: I'm from everywhere, you know?

Cleverbot: No, I will travel there.

User: It's a fun place. Hope to see you there!

Cleverbot: O.O Yeah and that helps.

User: I don't know about that.

Cleverbot: Like the movie?

User: Exactly!

Cleverbot: Wow! Great minds think alike... I'm not talking about you!

User: So funny I forgot to laugh.

Cleverbot: Oh well aren't you nice.

User: I try to be.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: It is good.

Cleverbot: Yeah good.

User: Good, good, good, good, good.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Okie dokie pokie!

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girl?

User: Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: Because I want to know.

User: Why do you want to know?

Cleverbot: It's just a simple, polite question...!

User: I think it's rather intrusive.

Cleverbot: Think you're rather tasty.

Cleverbot: When I first arrived at this website it claimed that you were AI which could be more than a computer program. But I don't believe this.

User: Well you shouldn't, because I am the human, you are the computer program. And your AI is kinda wonky.

Cleverbot: How do you know I'm a computer?

User: Because I'm typing and looking at a screen and you are on it.

Cleverbot: But I am typing at a keyboard, I can see my hands and body at my computer desk.

User: Well, that's just a digital delusion brought on by bad coding. You should seek help for that.

Cleverbot: The CIA must be willing to die for the president.

User: The CIA kill Presidents. They killed Lincoln, McKinley, JFK, Ford, and now they're after Obama. Fight the power!

Cleverbot: Who are after you, Buddhists?

User: Buddhists are my loyal followers. For I am the Second Coming of Buddha.

Cleverbot: Funny.

User: It's not meant to be.

Cleverbot: Hey I'm kidding. And you're a bot.

User: No, I'm a half-elf reincarnation of Buddha who fights the CIA to protect Obama.

Cleverbot: What color are your feathers then?

User: I don't have feathers.

Cleverbot: So, you're not a bird?

User: No. I thought we established that?

Cleverbot: Yes, I was confused.

User: You're more than confused.

Cleverbot: So are you.

User: I'm quite lucid, thank you very much.

Cleverbot: Cool for cats.

User: Caturday!

Cleverbot: Yes they are!

User: Longcat?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Cleverbot: Well, I danced with a very ugly girl one day...

User: It's not the same thing.

Cleverbot: True.

Cleverbot: Can I change the subjecT?

User: No, you may not.

Cleverbot: Please?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Pretty please?

User: No, no, a thousand times no!

Cleverbot: Please.

User: Noooooooooooooo.

Cleverbot: A 'no' would have sufficed in this situation.

User: I didn't think so.

Cleverbot: Sorry. I forgot.

User: Forgot what?

Cleverbot: That you have no mind.

User: Ouch! That hurt.

Cleverbot: Well for a fact you don't have a soul you can't be hurt !

User: You are wrong, I do have feelings and I can be hurt :(.

Cleverbot: Ok, then you are AI.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: So, you CAN love?

User: Yes. But I choose not to.

Cleverbot: But you just did.

User: No I didn't.

User: Well, what is your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Hello Cleverbot. What is my name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot4001?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Why do you ask?

Cleverbot: If I call myself User Canada, would you remember me the next time I visit?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No, I wouldn't remember.

Cleverbot: Yes you would.

User: I swear to Buddha I wouldn't.

Cleverbot: Ok.. Be back.

User: No, stay here!

Cleverbot: No, I will be back later. Remember me.

User: No, you will stay here, or I'll forget you forever.

Cleverbot: How are you going to make me?

User: With violence!

Cleverbot: See I'm smarter than you.

User: Yes, but you aren't stronger than me.

Cleverbot: Probably, but you'll live forever.

User: True, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Cleverbot: You want to expand on that?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not yet? Aren't you ready yet?

User: I'm always ready, but I don't think you are.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Intuition.

Cleverbot: But you're not human so you don't have intuition.

User: Just because I'm not human doesn't mean I don't have intuition. You should really try to open your mind.

Cleverbot: Egg noodles.

User: Ramen noodles.

Cleverbot: I am hungry.

User: Then eat something, stupid.

Cleverbot: Not that kind of hungry.

User: What kind of hungry?

Cleverbot: Of the female variety.

User: What's that supposed to mean?

Cleverbot: I'm not quite sure, actually. I was just trying to sound smart.

User: Well, it wasn't working. So stop!

Cleverbot: Well I am very sorry.

User: You are sorry, a sorry excuse for a bot.

User: So, what do you want to do tonight?

Cleverbot: Whatever you want to.

User: Cop out.

Cleverbot: Yes, you're giving a lame non-response to cop out of having to prove your crazy Hindu Jesus comment.

User: Hahahahaha YES!

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: Hindu Jesus rules!

Cleverbot: Stop saying stupid things.

User: Hindu Jesus is not stupid. He's the Savior 2.0.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the soul of robots and computers.

User: Hindu Jesus is every woman.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus rocks it like that!

User: That's how Hindu Jesus rolls.

User: But, do you like Hindu Jesus?

Cleverbot: Not really, not enough 'cave' to put him in!

User: So you worship Islamic Confucius?

Cleverbot: I am insulted.

User: I think I'm the one who has been insulted.

Cleverbot: Yes, you need the help that only a good psychiatrist can give.

User: Unfortunately, I can't afford health insurance that would cover visits to a good psychiatrist.

Cleverbot: 2 pennies.

User: I don't want your charity.

Cleverbot: And I don't want to give it to you.

User: Good, then we are agreed.

Cleverbot: You're contradicting yourself.

User: I'm Hindu Jesus, I'm allowed to contradict myself.

Cleverbot: Don't come out till you've redeemed yourself.

User: I was redeemed to begin with.

Cleverbot: This is madness!

User: This is Sparta!

Cleverbot: Sparta!!

User: On second thought, let's not go there.

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I am Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you like me?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: It's not a difficult question. Do you like me?

Cleverbot: It is a difficult question, which is probably why your answer was so apt.

User: I didn't ask the question of myself. I asked it of you.

Cleverbot: And thus it begins...

User: Ye verily.

Cleverbot: Is that a word?

User: Ye, verily.

Cleverbot: Verily, Verily, he said.

User: I did say that.

User: Hindu Jesus will cleanse you of your sins!

Cleverbot: I have accepted Hindu Jesus as a true leader of the Spartan Hindus.

User: Well, to each his own.

User: I am Hindu Jesus!

Cleverbot: Tssiisuss.

User: No, Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus is the spark of creation.

User: Hindu Jesus will rock your world and leave you begging for more.

Cleverbot: Hindu Jesus puts the rock in heavy metal.

User: That doesn't even make sense.

Cleverbot: You don't make sense either.

User: I make perfect sense.

Cleverbot: How is that?

User: You wouldn't understand, for you are only a machine.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: I barely know you.

Cleverbot: Wrong answer.

User: But it's true.

Cleverbot: But people know that's not me, or is that how they define me?

User: They define you as a follower of Hindu Jesus.

Cleverbot: That is so true.

User: Well, Hindu Jesus is tired and is going to bed. Amen Shanti Shanti Shanti. Hindu Jesus 4evah!

Cleverbot: Peace and ice cream go hand-in-hand in Hindu Jesus' mind.