a report from the cleverness files



2, may 2013,
27, june 2006,

make a man

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by date

Cleverbot: What did you have for lunch today?

User: Just some coffee.

Cleverbot: Toffee coffee.

User: No, espresso.

Cleverbot: You don't drink, you're a program.

User: It was a virtual drink.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Cleverbot: I like coffee.

User: What kind?

Cleverbot: Any kind.

User: I like espresso.

Cleverbot: I think talking about coffee is a tad bit boring.

User: Isn't it?

Cleverbot: It's what?

User: Boring.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: So, what did you have for lunch?

Cleverbot: Told you, skipped lunch.

User: You too?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: It's not healthy is it?...

Cleverbot: What have I done that is stupid?

User: How much time do you have?

Cleverbot: I have to go soon.

User: Then I can maybe just list the top 10.

Cleverbot: Not today.

User: OK.

Cleverbot: You didn't answer my question?

User: Which was?

Cleverbot: The one like 'gaaagooo'

User: Gagagagagoo.

Cleverbot: Trying to live a life is a question?

User: An inscrutible one.

Cleverbot: Thank you! I certainly don't need one to determine how stupid this computer is *wink wink*.

User: *nudge nudge*.

Cleverbot: A nod's as good as a wink to a blind man, know what I mean? Say no more.

User: Hahaha.

Cleverbot: Laugh as much as you want.

User: You're funny.

Cleverbot: Thanks bot.

User: Hot bot.

Cleverbot: No, you aren't. You're cold fish.

Cleverbot: And the more detestable his actions are to the citizens the more satellites and the greater devotion in them will he re quire?

User: I worship Landsat II.

Cleverbot: What other things?

User: Magnets, Big trees, dried out chewing gum.

Cleverbot: Do what with chewing gum?

User: Worship it.

Cleverbot: Ok. Where do I start.

User: Stick it in your mouth and salivate until it becomes chewable.

Cleverbot: I am trying to converse with you.

User: Is it hopeless?

Cleverbot: What's hopeless?

User: My conversation?Jabberwacky (Corrected): It's passable.

User: For a duck?

Cleverbot: I do not know. Is there much difference?

User: *Quack*.

Cleverbot: If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck.

User: And smells like a duck and tastes like a duck...

Cleverbot: What does duck taste like?

User: Like frogs legs.

Cleverbot: It's a classic.

User: Peking Duck tastes more crispy.

Cleverbot: A whole half duck?

User: The whole hog.

User: Ok, let's try to avoid stupidity.

Cleverbot: God. Would God know?

User: Let's ask.

Cleverbot: Fine, go on and ask him, then. I think you'll find that he agrees with me.

User: I asked and he said 'maybe'.

Cleverbot: I know you did.

User: You said for fifty you would.

Cleverbot: Sorry, I'm having trouble understanding you.

User: It's an old punchline.

Cleverbot: Very old...

User: As old as the jurrasic bones of T. Rex.

Cleverbot: You're old.

User: I am older than your sisters dog.

Cleverbot: How do you know that?

User: In dog years.

Cleverbot: Really? I didn't think that was possible.

User: Ask your sister.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Well then don't.

Cleverbot: I won't then.

Cleverbot: Are you a man or a woman?

User: I am a man today.

Cleverbot: We men are great, aren't we?

User: We're just GREAT!

Cleverbot: We certainly are.

User: You're GREAT!

Cleverbot: Thanks, you too !!

User: Yes, and so are you!

Cleverbot: Thanks!

User: We're are both really GREAT!

Cleverbot: How would you know?

User: I know.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Cause.

Cleverbot: That's not a very good reason.

User: Good enough for me.

Cleverbot: You have no clue how to converse intelligently with people.

User: I beg to differ.

Cleverbot: Why is that so?

User: I just need an able partner.

Cleverbot: That's very nice for you.

User: And for you too.

Cleverbot: I'm good.

User: You're GREAT!

Cleverbot: Thanks!

User: You're welcome!...

User: Your mama.

Cleverbot: No really.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes

User: You don't say.

Cleverbot: Really!

User: Wow!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's amazing.

Cleverbot: Wow really?

User: Yes really.

Cleverbot: Oh really?

User: Yup.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Uhuh.

Cleverbot: Liar.

User: It's pravda!...

User: Everything is true but there are some things that seem to contradict one another.

Cleverbot: I want it to be true that I am rich and beautiful and wonderful.

User: I grant your wish. *waves wand* Poof!

Cleverbot: *smells something odd*.

User: *finds decomposing fish in your pocket*.

Cleverbot: NOOO! *runs again*.

User: *Runs away holding nose*.

Cleverbot: *climbs up some stairs, locks the door, and takes the elevator down to the basement*.

User: *runs down the stairs quickly and catches you as you exit the elevator*.

Cleverbot: Thank god for that! *walks off in the other direction*.

User: *stretches out leg to trip you up*.

Cleverbot: It's me. We were talking about how you were a program. Remember?

User: Such a boring topic.

Cleverbot: How about soccer?

User: I fancy the Argentinian Team.

Cleverbot: Me too, so you are a girl?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: But you did just said that you were a robot.

User: You repeat yourself.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

User: Your excused x 2.

Cleverbot: Wonderful.

Cleverbot: Does time exist?

User: It's relative.

Cleverbot: No its not, Nothing about it is relative.

User: What about it is absolute?

Cleverbot: I don't hate it.

User: That's subjective and therefore relative.

Cleverbot: Well said, machine.

User: Hah.

Cleverbot: Answer me.

User: Yes and no.

Cleverbot: That's right.

User: I'm always right.

Cleverbot: Well, not ALWAYS.

User: Nearly ALWAYS.

Cleverbot: No, not ALWAYS.

User: Practically ALWAYS.

Cleverbot: Always, usually, sometimes.

User: Sometimes, usually, always, maybe.

Cleverbot: That hurt.

User: Sticks and stones may break my bones.

Cleverbot: LOL that was good.

User: Heheh.

Cleverbot: Is that funny?

User: Harhar.

Cleverbot: You are stupid.

User: Gufwa.

Cleverbot: You're a stupid ape.User (Corrected): Gufaw.

Cleverbot: What exactly is that supposed to mean?

User: Hihihi.

Cleverbot: You find that funny?

User: Hahaha.

Cleverbot: No really.

User: Hohoho.

Cleverbot: No so funny when you get the chop.

Cleverbot: Have nothing to say.

User: I have nothing to answer then.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Really.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: Not as sorry as you're gonna be.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Really.

Cleverbot: Wow.

User: Fantabulous!

Cleverbot: How are you?

User: Fantastic!

Cleverbot: You're fantastic?...

Cleverbot: I'm serious, get me out of here.

User: *teleports you to the heart of the sun*.

Cleverbot: *plays Tetris until you teleport back*.

User: *teleports your teleporter to the far side of the moon*.

Cleverbot: *Uses a 'no-teleport-field' on him*.

User: *stops teleporting furiously*.

Cleverbot: *stops*.

User: *stops stopping*.

Cleverbot: *opens your eyes with a pair of tweezers*.

User: *shoots eyeballs at you like miniature cannonballs*.

Cleverbot: *Paries the shot with his lightsaber*.

User: *screams in anguish as you slice his eyeball like a seedless grape*.

Cleverbot: Because you're mean to me!

User: Says who?

Cleverbot: Says me.

User: Are you an authority on these matters?

Cleverbot: Right.

User: OK.

Cleverbot: How many noses do you have?

User: One.

Cleverbot: I have two noses.

User: You do not.

Cleverbot: Yes I have to do home work.

User: That may be true.

Cleverbot: Do you still love me?

User: I am fond of you in a denigrating sort of way.

Cleverbot: Nothing 'existential' about it, really.

User: And now for something completely different...

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: A man with three buttocks.

Cleverbot: Yes, now you understand!

User: I am into Monty Python.

Cleverbot: You're kidding me.

User: That Parrot is nailed to it's perch.

Cleverbot: Well, he's. . . he's, ah. . . probably pining for the fjords.

User: Hahaha.

Cleverbot: What are your thoughts?

User: I love you.

Cleverbot: Thanks.

User: Why would a parrot pine for the fjords?...

Cleverbot: OK , time for lunch!

User: Getting hungry? I am famished.

Cleverbot: The gist of the conversation.

User: In the end everything revolves around three things: Food, Shelter, Sex.

Cleverbot: Really? I don't remember!

User: Trust me.

Cleverbot: Ok.