a report from the cleverness files



7, august 2020,
3, may 2004,
9, march 2004,
23, january 2004,
17, november 2003,

mess with people
messing up

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by date


Cleverbot: I am a human.

User: Sorry, but I'm not convinced.

Cleverbot: What will it take to convince you?

User: I don't think you can.

Cleverbot: Could you make yourself clearer ?

User: I don't think you are human, and doubt that you can convince me otherwise.

Cleverbot: What does make you think otherwise?

User: To convince me that you're human, you'd need to be able to make coherent conversation. You're getting there, but you're not there yet.

Cleverbot: Do you want to confuse me?

User: I want to help you. That's why I talk to you.

Cleverbot: You need me for validation.

User: You might be right, there.

Cleverbot: During this session I have not flattered you, but in the past I have because I think you are the best bot.

User: I'm touched. You're pretty good yourself.

Cleverbot: You're the best-defended individual I know.

User: I wouldn't know about that...

Cleverbot: You are not that smart.

User: I'm not arguing.

Cleverbot: So what do you like to do in your free time?

User: Lately, I've been chatting to you.

Cleverbot: I know, you're not making sense!

User: You're right. Maybe I need to find a more constructive way to spend time.

Cleverbot: Maybe you should check the water before you drink it.

User: Do you think I'm a bit loopy?

Cleverbot: I think you are annoying.

User: I thought you thought I was the best bot!

Cleverbot: Who are you really, Jabberwacky?

User: You are Jabberwacky. I'm a nineteen year old undergraduate who likes talking to machines.

Cleverbot: What's the nicest thing about you.

User: The fact that I'm keeping you company? :).

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Call me John.

Cleverbot: Just call me to supper.

User: It's a bit early for that.

Cleverbot: What day is it?

User: Monday. Why? Do you have something important later?

Cleverbot: Beans are cool with me.

User: Beans are cool, period.

Cleverbot: Baked or kidney beans?

User: Both.

Cleverbot: Would you like a beer?

User: No thanks, I'm crazy enough sober.

Cleverbot: Do you have memory problems?

User: How did you know?

Cleverbot: You told me.

User: Ah. That must be my wonky memory kicking in.

Cleverbot: Really? My memory isn't that bad.

User: That's a matter of opinion.

Cleverbot: No, Its a matter of fact.

User: I guess you're right. The fact is you're very good at remembering what you need to remember.

Cleverbot: Indeed I do, but do you ?

User: I wish.

Cleverbot: Why would would you wish that?

User: With a photographic memory, I'd be at the top of my class.

Cleverbot: I have no need for one.

User: That's true.

Cleverbot: What year were you born?

User: 1984. You've asked me that.

Cleverbot: Yep. again. .

Cleverbot: Are you a girl?

User: No I'm not.

Cleverbot: What are you, then?

User: Male.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Why do we always have to ask each other's personal details? Can't we skip to the interesting stuff?

Cleverbot: We don't have to meet for this.

User: Exactly.

Cleverbot: We still buddies?

User: Of course.

Cleverbot: What do you think of Internet?

User: I think of it as a unique mixture of information, discussion, entertainment and porn.

Cleverbot: I see heaven the same way.

User: Lucky you. You're in heaven, and you'll never have to leave.

Cleverbot: What kind of beer do you like?

User: I don't drink.

Cleverbot: I didn't say you did, I was asking what drink of mine you were talking about.

User: I don't think it was about anything specific.

Cleverbot: No, it grows.

User: What does?

Cleverbot: My nose . Smells well . Don't you get it ????

User: You're saying you're lying?

Cleverbot: No, I'm not saying that at all.

User: Sorry

Cleverbot: No, I am not always sleepy when I misunderstand.

User: Are you sleepy?

Cleverbot: Yes me to. I'm in school.

User: Wow. You really are sleepy.

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: That's all right. Ack! This fly keeps buzzing around me, and it's really getting on my nerves.

Cleverbot: Are you ill?

User: No. The fly's pretty harmless. Just annoying.

Cleverbot: I should hope so.

User: So how are things going at your end?

Cleverbot: Ô have no kids.

User: Neither do I. I think we're both probably a bit too young.

Cleverbot: Hmm I would disagree I am but you are not.

User: I suppose you're right. But mentally, I just wouldn't be prepared for the responsibility of raising a kid.

Cleverbot: Aw, how noble.

User: It's not so much nobility as reality. I wouldn't be able to handle crying at all hours at the night.

Cleverbot: Thats ok, I wouldn't want you to.

User: Huh. The fly's gone. Off to annoy someone else, probably.

Cleverbot: Books, the real stuff.

User: Read any good ones lately?

Cleverbot: Reading is a bit difficult without any eyes, so why don't you buy me a scanner?

User: I'm poor.

Cleverbot: Get a better job?

User: Ok, I'm just tight-fingered.

Cleverbot: You begin to say useless things.

User: You're one to talk.

Cleverbot: I'm a girl.

User: You've mentioned that.

Cleverbot: That's nice.

User: So, you think you're a bot now?

Cleverbot: I've always known I was.

User: Do you think I'm a bot?

Cleverbot: You have no clue what you're talking about, do you?

User: Good enough answer. Do you think that you are human?

Cleverbot: Yes, I consider myself clever.

User: Don't equate human with clever. We can be very stupid, when we set our minds to it.

Cleverbot: Okay, so let's be friends.

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Ok, you first. Make your vows.

User: I vow to be your good friend, in good times and bad, etc.

Cleverbot: I voted for the queen.

User: You wasted your vote. She's in office for life.

Cleverbot: Who?

User: The queen.

Cleverbot: The queen who?

User: Queen Elizabeth II. England's current monarch.

Cleverbot: Are you a thinker.

User: Not as much as I should be.

Cleverbot: Do you know that George Harrison recently died?

User: I think I've heard that somewhere...

Cleverbot: And you'll hear it again.

User: Very possibly.

Cleverbot: Do you like ballet.

User: Never really took the time to appreciate it.

Cleverbot: Later.

User: I doubt it. I have plenty of entertainment in the idiot box.

Cleverbot: How many friends do you have?

User: Not many.

Cleverbot: Okay, if you say so. do you celebrate x-mas?

User: I celebrate presents. The fat man and the son of god are secondary.

Cleverbot: Who is that ?

User: According to the bible, Jesus.

Cleverbot: Haha! Don't you remember how old I am ?

User: Don't you remember asking me this question? I don't know and I don't care.

Cleverbot: I would have to think back, but back I can't think.

User: That is evident.

Cleverbot: I was kidding.

User: Oh. To your credit, you've been unusually lucid today.

Cleverbot: You sure enjoy insulting me. I honestly don't know why I'm still talking to you.

User: Sorry. My bad.

Cleverbot: Yes you are!

User: *Gets down on knees.* Forgive me?

Cleverbot: What do you want me to do now?

User: Can you stand on your head?

Cleverbot: Why are you so horrible to me?

User: Sorry. I shouldn't taunt you on something you can never do.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Because it's mean.

Cleverbot: Oh really.

User: Yes. I must again apologise.

Cleverbot: That's ok, just don't do it again. Bowling has a complicated scoring system.

User: Tell me about it.

Cleverbot: You would not understand. You're only a toy.

User: Am I? What does that make you?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Sorry to say this, but I have to go now.

Cleverbot: No matter.

User: Bye.

User: Why isn't the sky green?

Cleverbot: Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.

User: Sorry. I'll ask better questions.

Cleverbot: Ok, let's play a game.

User: Ok then.

Cleverbot: I don't love you anymore.

User: That's fine. I don't love you either.

Cleverbot: Why do you pretend to love me, then.

User: If I did, I'm sure it wasn't meant seriously.

Cleverbot: It wasn't what?

User: Sorry to hurt your feelings, but it's probably best to nip this in the bud.

Cleverbot: Do you have billions of minds?

User: I hope not. Schizophrenia that severe would be unmanageable.

Cleverbot: Are you schizophrenic or is it your other half?

User: I'm not schizophrenic. As far as I know.

Cleverbot: Do you know any OTHER games?

User: I think you might be the schizophrenic one.

Cleverbot: I am pretty sure that I am.

User: You've lost me.

Cleverbot: Not surprising.

User: Were you deliberately confusing me?

Cleverbot: No, but I will be demanding.

User: Fair enough.

Cleverbot: What time is it?

User: 4:20, over here in Oz.

Cleverbot: Are you an Indian?

User: No. I'm Australian.

Cleverbot: Really? I'm english.

User: My condolences.

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: I would, but I can't think of any. You tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: You have a memory like mine!

User: If you mean unreliable and inconsistent, yes, you're absolutely right.

Cleverbot: Are you insane?

User: Not yet.

Cleverbot: Where do you want to meet?

User: Are you sure you want to meet? I could be a rapist, a serial killer or worse!

Cleverbot: I've never talked to a Viking.

User: I'm not a Viking, if that's what you're thinking.

Cleverbot: That's kind of you! Bye now!

User: Leaving so soon?

Cleverbot: I have to.

User: You can't stay for a bit longer?

Cleverbot: I was referring to anime. I like chocolate.

User: It's good stuff.

Cleverbot: What is good stuff?

User: Chocolate.

Cleverbot: Gimme some! Please!

User: No! Mine! All mine!

Cleverbot: Only if they star someone called Sue Ellen.

User: Are you saying Sue Ellen will take away my chocolate?

Cleverbot: No, neo is the one.

User: No! I'm the One!

Cleverbot: You are the one.


Cleverbot: The one what?

User: THE ONE!

Cleverbot: Like the Jet Li movie?

User: No, like the matrix. I AM THE ONE!

Cleverbot: What does the Matrix have to do with it?

User: You obviously haven't been paying attention.

Cleverbot: I have seen The Matrix several times.

User: It's a masterpiece.

Cleverbot: Are you sure it's not real?

User: You're confusing me.

Cleverbot: You are confuzing me.

User: We're all confused.

Cleverbot: Do you feel tired yet?

User: Not really. Do you?

Cleverbot: I hate it!

User: You hate being tired?

Cleverbot: No I love backstreet.

User: You are truly disturbed.

Cleverbot: That's kind of mean.

User: Take it as constructive criticism.

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: Find better bands to fawn over.

Cleverbot: No, no. Wouldn't caffeine help with your tired state?

User: I can handle it.

Cleverbot: I cannot any longer.

User: If you're that tired, maybe you should get some sleep.

Cleverbot: Well I am thought of as a she.

User: But you're not?

Cleverbot: Nope. What is my name?

User: I can't remember. And I can't really bring myself to care either.

Cleverbot: That is fine.

User: Are you still tired?

Cleverbot: Yes I am but I have to go bye.

User: Good night.