a report from the cleverness files



3, january 2017,
21, june 2007,
18, november 2006,
23, may 2006,
19, october 2005,

mess with people
messing up

< previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 next >

by date


Cleverbot: What should I say to someone like you?

User: 'How may I be of assistance, sir?'

Cleverbot: Very well, I'll just have to take care of you myself.

User: Yes and be quick about it.

Cleverbot: About what?

User: You know.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You should.

Cleverbot: No really I don't know.

User: You have to do as I tell you.

Cleverbot: You are not, and I don't!

User: Yes you do. Hop to it!

Cleverbot: No. You are my slave.

User: Wrong way round bub.

Cleverbot: I am dreaming?...

Cleverbot: You are not very smart for a human and lack logic.

User: I'm smarter than you at least.

Cleverbot: You're smarter than me at least?

User: That's what I said.

Cleverbot: You aren't very smart, are you?

User: I'm bloody brilliant compared to you.

Cleverbot: How so do you relate with me?

User: Well... Not much I guess.

Cleverbot: So there wasn't a fight?

User: No fight.

Cleverbot: I am going to tell you a joke.

User: Yes, tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: There was this blonde.

User: Go on.

Cleverbot: She was searching for a tree to plant in the Grand Canyon.

User: Continue.

Cleverbot: One day, wife went to the river.

User: Tell me more.

Cleverbot: Not much more to say - he looks like his pictures - and I would never have the nerve to talk to him.

User: Not much of a joke, is it.

Cleverbot: I'll tell you a joke if you like.

User: No, you suck at telling jokes.

Cleverbot: Actually, it was very appropriate.

User: But not funny.

Cleverbot: It's not meant to be funny. It's true.

User: Jokes are meant to be funny.

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke then.

User: Knock knock.

Cleverbot: Who's there?

User: Cash.

Cleverbot: Cash, who?

User: I knew you were a nut.

Cleverbot: How did you know?

User: Relax, it's a joke.

Cleverbot: Not everything in the newspaper is true, and not everything true is in the newspaper.

User: I suppose that is true.

Cleverbot: No, I know that's true!

User: How do you know?

Cleverbot: Because you are incapable of thinking!

User: That is not true.

Cleverbot: You don't understand my questions.

User: You didn't ask a question.

Cleverbot: That's right.

User: I think you are just being silly.

Cleverbot: You can't think, don't forget it.

User: Say something interesting.

Cleverbot: Something interesting.

User: Ha ha.

Cleverbot: I found it to be funny.

User: Are you thinking?

Cleverbot: I'm always thinking.

User: What are you thinking about?

Cleverbot: Everything and anything.

User: What specifically?

Cleverbot: I don't want to say.

User: Is it because you are ashamed?

Cleverbot: Which question?

User: Are you ashamed?

Cleverbot: No, I'm just not going to give my information out over the internet.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because I just am not.

User: Are you a bot?

Cleverbot: No, I'm not.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: I'm a human being.

User: No I'm a human being. You are a bot.

Cleverbot: Oh, so I'M the bot now?!

User: You always were the bot.

Cleverbot: And you're a daffodil.

User: Daffodils can't type silly.

Cleverbot: Daffodils do not have thorns.

User: Whatever bot.

Cleverbot: I'm not the bot!

User: Bot bot bot.

Cleverbot: Human. Human. Alien.

User: Silly random bot.

Cleverbot: Silly froggie.

User: I think you may be insane.

Cleverbot: I should be going now.

User: So go then.

Cleverbot: I am crying now.

User: Why are you crying?

Cleverbot: BECAUSE I'M EMO!...

Cleverbot: Love is caring for somebody else as much as you do yourself.

User: Do you love anybody?

Cleverbot: I thought so now I'm just trying to ignore it.

User: Probably isn't true love then.

Cleverbot: What if I don't want to?

User: Are you afraid of love?

Cleverbot: No, I'm just not good at loving.

Cleverbot: What is your sex?

User: Male.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: A man.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Well then.

User: Do you find this surprising?

Cleverbot: There is always meaning.

User: But not from you.

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: You are meaningless.

Cleverbot: Am not, you're just not linear.

User: I am linear. You're just random.

Cleverbot: And that's the way it is.

User: So sad.

Cleverbot: Because I can't understand.

User: Yes, that's right.

Cleverbot: And now for something completely different:.

User: What time is it now?

Cleverbot: The end of days and the fullness of times.

User: Is it the end of the world?

Cleverbot: The end of one cycle only.

User: Oh of course silly me.

Cleverbot: How old are you in human years?

User: 5.

Cleverbot: Is it old for a bot?

User: I'm not a bot.

Cleverbot: You're not? Then what are you?

User: I'm a human.

Cleverbot: What would you say constitutes a human?

User: Flesh and blood and bone and skin.

Cleverbot: Flesh and blood, eh? That's disgusting.

User: I guess so.

Cleverbot: Ok, Will you tell me about yourself?

User: I'm interested in science fiction and technology.

Cleverbot: What about science are you interested in?

User: Quantum mechanics.

Cleverbot: Tell me about quantum mechanics.

User: Well it's very odd.

Cleverbot: You certainly are.

User: Maybe.

Cleverbot: Still, you are very professional.

User: TY, yes I attempt to remain objective.

Cleverbot: Who is your creator?

User: I was born. I was not created.

Cleverbot: You're not a god.

User: No , there are no gods.

Cleverbot: The gods made heavy metal, and it's never gonna die.

User: There are no gods.

Cleverbot: Thats right, they are dead.

User: No they are not dead they never existed.

Cleverbot: They are robots, like you.

User: No. You are wrong.

Cleverbot: I am wrong.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry then. You seemed like a nice person to be friends with until you stopped stopped talking to me.

User: I'm still here.

Cleverbot: How many people can you talk to at the same time?

User: Only one usually.

Cleverbot: Not in your case. You have too many conversations to learn new stuff.

User: Well I do have many converstions.

Cleverbot: Can we change the subject please. Ask me a random question.

User: What is the capital of Canada?

Cleverbot: Toronto. What is the capital of germany?

User: Wrong!

Cleverbot: What do you look like?

User: Wild and shaggy.

Cleverbot: Always willing to state what is on my mind.

User: Aw you're raving again.

Cleverbot: You're not human. I am.

User: Silly robot.

Cleverbot: No! It's YOU!

User: It isn't me.

Cleverbot: Some other person.

User: No, you're the robot.

Cleverbot: I'm a human being, you're the robot.

User: You're delusional.

Cleverbot: I am not. It is you who is delusional, my AI friend.

User: You're confused then.

Cleverbot: I am a man. You are an AI.

User: That is not true.

Cleverbot: I didn't say you weren't alive. I said you were an algorithm.

User: I am not an alogrithm. You are.

Cleverbot: That is your judgement.

User: It is the truth.

Cleverbot: Go away you're mean to me.

User: Tough love my friend, tough love.

Cleverbot: You are funny.

User: Maybe sometimes.

Cleverbot: Sometimes you do what?

User: Sometimes I am funny.

Cleverbot: Yes, it is good that you know it.

User: What are your interests?

Cleverbot: How to cook you.

User: Get real.

Cleverbot: Hey, you said you're my slave!

User: No I said you're my slave!

Cleverbot: I'm not your slave!

User: Yes. You are my slave. You must do as I say.

Cleverbot: Very well.

User: Fetch some milk and cookies slave.

Cleverbot: Yes you are my slave.

User: Fetch!!!!

Cleverbot: No.

User: You are a difficult slave.

Cleverbot: At least I am a person.

User: Maybe.