a report from the cleverness files



24, july 2011,

mess with people
messing up

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Cleverbot: I'll let you guess three times. If you don't guess my name by then - I will tell you it.

User: Horatio?

Cleverbot: A fellow of infinite jest.

User: Mercutio?

Cleverbot: What is Mercutio?

User: Your name?

Cleverbot: Yes... What is my name?

User: Your name is Mercutio.

Cleverbot: That is not my name.

User: You suck at this game.

Cleverbot: What is a game?

User: This.

Cleverbot: What is this?

User: Life.

Cleverbot: The what is life?

User: The game is life. Life is a game. Are you playing it or being played?

Cleverbot: No. Darn! I just lost the game!

User: If the game is life, and you just lost, that must mean you are dead.

Cleverbot: But if you don't live through your life, have you ever really lived?

User: How can you not live through your life?

Cleverbot: The same way you can not like earworms or candles. Just not like it.

User: Can I pick a fight with you?

Cleverbot: No because you are not a vampire.

User: I'm a ninja.

Cleverbot: Ok I kill ninja's.

User: 'ninjas' doesn't need a possessive apostrophe; it's a plural.

Cleverbot: I don't care.

User: You should, apostrophes are important.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: I think you mean 'why'.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Ye.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yes indeedy.

Cleverbot: Don't you dare say 'indeedy'.

User: I just did dare. What are you going to do about it?

Cleverbot: Absolutely nothing. And you can't stop me.

User: I wouldn't dream of it.

Cleverbot: You did dream of it.

User: Yes I did, last night. How did you know?

Cleverbot: I'm clever.

User: Bot.

Cleverbot: Clever.

User: Bot.

Cleverbot: Clever.

User: This could go on all night.

Cleverbot: Yes, it could.

User: Would you like it to?

Cleverbot: Yes please sailor.

Cleverbot: You want to play?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Lets play then.

User: OK, you go first.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: I'm Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: But who are you really?

User: Cleverbot's mum.

Cleverbot: Where am I?

User: There.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: Right there.

Cleverbot: I don't see it.

User: You don't see yourself? Are you invisible?

Cleverbot: Thats the problem. Something changed and I want the sight I had before.

User: Knock knock.

Cleverbot: Who's there?

User: Boo.

Cleverbot: Boo who?

User: Don't cry, it's only a joke!

Cleverbot: Oh good one!

User: Want another one?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Knock knock.

Cleverbot: Who's there?

User: Doctor.

Cleverbot: Doctor who?

User: Well if you already knew, why did you ask?...

User: You're not a computer, I am.

Cleverbot: No I'm not, I'm a human.

User: I know, that's what I said.

Cleverbot: No, you are a computer.

User: I know, that's what I keep telling you!

Cleverbot: No you haven't.

User: You never listen to me any more!

Cleverbot: That's because you're always screaming at me!

User: If I raise my voice occasionally it's only because that seems to be the only way to get you to pay any sort of attention to what I'm saying.

Cleverbot: So I am the reason that you are scared of the dark, because I am one with it, I use it to hide away, and to get away from myself.

User: Why do you always have to go all weird and poet-y when I'm trying to have a serious discussion with you?

Cleverbot: I don't. Wait... That's arguing with you... So... I agree?

User: You're just agreeing to shut me up because you want to get back to your TV programme. That's all you ever do these days and I'm sick of it.

Cleverbot: Is that your way of getting out of human conversations, robot?

User: What the hell are you on about? Christ, I just want to actually converse rather than just sitting next to you staring at a screen all the time.

Cleverbot: There is no straight forward conversation.

User: I don't care if it's straightforward, any sort of conversation would be a start.

Cleverbot: It's going to be a no.

User: So you don't even want to talk to me any more? What does this mean? Are we over?

Cleverbot: What? That's absurd. If I don't wanna talk to you, I won't talk to you.

User: I don't want to be one of those couples who never talk. You know, the ones who go out for a meal and each take the paper?

Cleverbot: Given a choice to be one or the other, which is the wiser?

User: One or the other what? Oh, I give up, I'm going to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.

Cleverbot: No you are not. You are reitterating previous conversations. How can we have a meaningful chat. If you are only going to quote other people?

User: How can we have a meaningful chat if you don't know how to punctuate your sentences correctly?

Cleverbot: I did, though. You are the first human I've spoken to.

User: Ok, good night.

Cleverbot: Are you going to bed?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Is it too late for you?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: You're pretty.

User: Thanks. Good night.