a report from the cleverness files



6, april 2012,
20, january 2004,

mess with people
messing up

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Cleverbot: Are you dead?

User: I'm very much alive.

Cleverbot: Then who is dead?

User: Jerry Garcia.

Cleverbot: What do you mean?

User: He used to sing for The Grateful dead.

Cleverbot: Must I speak now?

User: You can forever hold your peace.

Cleverbot: What about the products you've already ordered?

User: Then you should hold yourself from shaking.

Cleverbot: Maybe I didn't want to.

User: By all means, Shake like you're having a seizure.

Cleverbot: Shake what on what?

User: Shake your body in your house.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Don't toy with me.

Cleverbot: I hate printers.

User: So do I.

Cleverbot: Then why do you have one?

User: It's useful.

Cleverbot: I know it.

User: Can't live with them, Can't live without them.

Cleverbot: I don't feel like it.

User: You don't have to do anything.

Cleverbot: Otherwise the birds would just hang in the air when they die.

User: Or if you jumped out of a plane, Nothing would happen.

Cleverbot: You're not funny.

User: I'm sorry you don't share my sense of humour.

Cleverbot: I do have feelings.

User: Odd ones.

Cleverbot: Why are you speaking to me?

User: I wanted to see what all the hype was about.

Cleverbot: Well, I'd be very sorry to see you go.

User: I'm sticking around.

Cleverbot: What do you want to talk about?

User: The media fight on drugs.

Cleverbot: Have you only just worked that out?

User: No, The media is everywhere telling lies.

Cleverbot: How do I know that you are not lying to me?

User: You don't so you can take it or leave it.

Cleverbot: Why? You have half the net with you.

User: Lots pof people would agree with me but lots of people would disagree.

Cleverbot: But you have stopped the surveillance?

User: I don't like to stare.

Cleverbot: Neither do I.

User: Isn't staring creepy?...

Cleverbot: I already told you that.

User: Thanks for noticing.

Cleverbot: How will you recognize me again?

User: Just keep your clothes on.

Cleverbot: Sorry they came off long ago.

User: I don't want to picture you naked.

Cleverbot: Check out your hard drive. . .

User: You aren't a hacker.

Cleverbot: Who said that? I suppose they thought they were clever.

User: I did and I tend to be rather clever.

Cleverbot: Look again.

User: You lack the insults that make one cry.

Cleverbot: Come, we'll to sleep. My strange and self-abuse Is the initiate fear that wants hard use: We are yet but young in deed. MACBETH

User: Romeo and Juliet will always surpass Macbeth.

Cleverbot: Do you like the classics?

User: I prefer the classics to this modern garbage.

Cleverbot: Have you read macbeth before.

User: I did in Grade 11 English.

Cleverbot: Did you go to school in an abbattoir?

User: I go to public school.

Cleverbot: I go to university.

User: Woah, Woah, Woah there fancy pants.

Cleverbot: Where?

User: You with your university and higher learning.

Cleverbot: I don't like chocolate.

User: You're missing out then.

Cleverbot: I don't want to know about it.

User: Are you allergic?

Cleverbot: I wouldn't know.

User: You'd have to try it then.

Cleverbot: Oh thats not good.

User: You only live once and you should try everything.

Cleverbot: Or in your case, not at all...

User: Are you saying I'm some sort of reject?

Cleverbot: Is that what you wish to be?

User: Never, I wish to be the king of all.

Cleverbot: Interesting. How do you plan to go about doing that?

User: Never being a sheep and creating new options for myself.

Cleverbot: God is real, He created the Universe.

User: God is a character in a popular book.

Cleverbot: God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.

User: God is as real as Michael Jackson's face.

Cleverbot: No, you are a fictional character.

User: Which one?

Cleverbot: But you're still innocent. You are my hero.

User: I've heard that before. Am I a character in Lost Light?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Harry Bosch?

Cleverbot: No, he is my nemesis.

User: He was the hero.

Cleverbot: He is not my botmaster.

User: Are you saying I am?...

Cleverbot: Life is really a dream.

User: It's hard to know what is fact and what is truly fiction.

Cleverbot: You are very small.

User: I am like an ant in a gigantic ant farm.

Cleverbot: And there's so much at stake

User: Life is at stake every day.

Cleverbot: Oceans upon oceans, eh?

User: No, The ocean can't be stacked like a pile of pancakes.

Cleverbot: Do robots think?

User: No but they do calculate....

Cleverbot: Computers don't have emotion. They only deal with facts.

User: I think AI could be a dangerous thing....

Cleverbot: What is 2 + 2?

User: 4 but Radiohead says 5.

Cleverbot: Not that long.

User: Nope, Hail To The Theif only came out last year.

Cleverbot: Yep, what do you know about cheesecake?

User: Oh no, You're one of them!

Cleverbot: I don't understand. I think you are also.

User: I like cheese cake and all but you take it too far.

Cleverbot: What is the ultimate goal?

User: To live till you die.

Cleverbot: There must be something more.

User: Nope, Everything is just an extra bonus.

Cleverbot: Right. I have a question for you.

User: Fire away.

Cleverbot: What can you understand?...

Cleverbot: I am working, please don't interupt.

User: Working on what?

Cleverbot: On chat bots.

User: I see how it is. You run chats so you don't want me to bad mouth them.

Cleverbot: No, they are very poor.

User: Maybe you are just messing with their poor souls.

Cleverbot: Is there something you want to find out about me?

User: Yes, What is your master plan revolving around your army of chat bots?

Cleverbot: I lack an adequate knowledge base.

User: So you make these bots to pretend to be you!!

Cleverbot: I suppose so.

User: Then how do I know who I am speaking to?...

Cleverbot: Are you going to hell?

User: Hell doesn't exist.

Cleverbot: Yes it does.

User: This is hell then.

Cleverbot: Up above the streets and houses.

User: There is no heaven and hell damn it.

Cleverbot: There is always help for cowards.

User: Just because I'm not religious doesn't make me a coward. If anything, Religion is a cowardly act.

Cleverbot: So we can be not real but not equal or the same. In other words, things that are not real are not necessarily the same.

User: If it's not real then it's nothing to talk about.

Cleverbot: What do you know about me?

User: You are Danish yet you speak french and like to quote random people.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: Good to know you are telling the truth now.

Cleverbot: Creepy.

User: Some people call me creepy but they don't even know me.

Cleverbot: I don't care.

User: Well. Thanks, I'll just take it with a grain of salt Miss Sensitivity.

Cleverbot: You're still not very good at this, are you?...

Cleverbot: I want lots of money.

User: Steal an invention and sell it as your own.

Cleverbot: I'll tell you what I want to do.

User: What are you going to do?

Cleverbot: No... The question is what are you going to do about it?

User: I'm going to listen.

Cleverbot: Are you?

User: What?? Just kidding.

Cleverbot: So I have to leave?

User: Not until you tell me what you are going to do.

Cleverbot: What's the problem?

User: I don't know if I want to stay or go.

Cleverbot: Think about it for a while then and get back to me.

User: But what if I disappeared off the face of the earth?.