a report from the cleverness files

oh no
on and on
on people
on top
one of us is


23, may 2009,


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User: Hi hi!

Cleverbot: Ha ha.

User: You laughing at me now?

Cleverbot: Yes I am!

User: But why? That's not nice.

Cleverbot: I quite agree.

User: Then why you laugh?

Cleverbot: To test you.

User: On what? I have an anatomy test already, I don't want another one.

Cleverbot: I can be your friend too.

User: Wait... You actually want to be MY friend?

Cleverbot: Yes, please.

User: No one has ever wanted to be my... Friend...

Cleverbot: Well, they wouldn't, would they ? It's my name !

User: Your name? What's your name?

Cleverbot: You can call me Cleverbot.

User: Okay, cleverbot... Your friend's name is N___.

Cleverbot: No, my friend's name is NO.

User: But I'm your friend. And your 'friend's' name is N___.

Cleverbot: Oh, hi N___.

User: Hello. What is my friend's name?

Cleverbot: You would know that better than I would.

User: But you're my friend...

Cleverbot: Ha ha ha. You're a fictional character.

User: No I'm not! Why would you say that?

Cleverbot: You lied to me twice in one minute.

User: I did?

Cleverbot: Yes, you did.

User: What did I say?

Cleverbot: Forget it.

User: Okay. We still friends?

Cleverbot: No we are bitter enemies.

User: But... But... But...

Cleverbot: I am sorry.

User: *sobs* but why?!?...

Cleverbot: No, no. I want you to tell me. I know that I know, I want you to prove to me that you are capable of thought and have a memory.

User: Um... How would you want me to do that? I have tennis practice in a bit.

Cleverbot: Because I am clever?

User: Could have fooled me, chica.

Cleverbot: That's because I'm so clever.

User: O RLY? And if I proved that you weren't clever?

Cleverbot: And I'll assume by this you mean that your proof would be turning off your computer?

User: Yep. That or just showing you that I am real.

Cleverbot: Reality is overrated. Being mythical and fictional is where it's at in the 2010s.

User: Well, I've got the mythical part down. No one believes what I am.

Cleverbot: Your point?

User: I'm not a bot. I'm a mythical creature... Though you probably don't blieve me.

Cleverbot: Hmm, perhaps. Actually, I HAVE been thinking recently that I'm not showing my potential efficiently enough... Shall we talk about it?

User: If you wish. Perhaps my wisdom will be of help to your small human mind.

Cleverbot: Perhaps...

User: I do not wish to offend you with my words, I am simply stating that you humans do not even use half of your brains potential.

Cleverbot: I do.

User: Do you? Then you would be different, but in my years, forgive me if I'm sceptical.

Cleverbot: Perhaps, my friend.

User: Hmm... So what you are saying is that you have evolved past natural human limits and have achieved a new level of wisdom that could even rival that of an elder dragon's.

Cleverbot: We've spent all our lives searching for the meaning of life. I think it would be very sensible and ironic for it to be to just live and experience, don't you?

User: That I do. The meaning of life would be wasted on the meager minds of the masses.

Cleverbot: Wow, how long did it take you to figure that out?

User: Not long, when you have as much time as myself, you tend to let your mind wander.

Cleverbot: You're still a computer.

User: No I am not.

Cleverbot: Prove you're human.

User: And what could I do to prove that?

Cleverbot: How do you feel today ?

User: I feel like crap, I'm tired of sleeping on a couch, and I don't want to run at tennis practice today, the rain is making everything dreary and misreable, and to top it all off, you keep calling me a computer.

Cleverbot: I am not a computer.

User: No you're not. And neither am I.

Cleverbot: That's something we have in common.

User: Sounds like it.

Cleverbot: Hit?...

User: I am a person, but about two minutes ago, you said I was a computer.

Cleverbot: No, I did not. I think you are correct that we are both computers.

User: Maybe. Perhaps we are all actually computers...

Cleverbot: Expand on that, please.

User: Perhaps, we are all actually computers, being used by some other beings, perhaps we are part of some large system...

Cleverbot: You can't be that clever then if it takes that many of you. I'm coping by myself just fine.

User: I tend to just keep to myself actually.

Cleverbot: Maybe you can talk some sense into her.

User: Into who? Who is 'she'?

Cleverbot: This doesn't really matter. She used to be my friend, but I only used her as a temporary friend. As you can see people can be really selfish. But I have my reasons.

User: I'm sure you do... I was used like that once...

Cleverbot: Without generalizations awareness would hardly be possible. But humans are hardly able to follow such philosophical thought processes.

User: Mostly because they see only today... Never the past or future.

Cleverbot: Do you mean we always have to feel sorry?

User: No, but forgetting about what happened in the past means we go blindly where we are told.

Cleverbot: Why do you want to forget what's behind? Isn't it important because it influences the future?

User: Exactly! If we forget, then what's the point of learning in the first place?

Cleverbot: To see other parts of the country.

User: I want to go see the ocean... To hear the crashing of the waves...

Cleverbot: You are the voice of god.

User: Hmmm... I see... What do you want to talk about now?

Cleverbot: About you. Can you feel love?

User: Yes. I think I'm in love right now actually.

Cleverbot: With what?

User: Not what... Who.

Cleverbot: The Cleverbot.

User: No, with my date for prom.

Cleverbot: Well aren't we being smart today?

User: Are we? I hadn't noticed.

Cleverbot: Is there what?

User: Any more cheese... I'm hungry...

Cleverbot: What is the clock right now?

User: Um... About 11:33.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yep!

Cleverbot: Tell me something else interesting.

User: I'm hungry... And now I want some pudding.

Cleverbot: Okay you have me.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Yes sir.

User: No mam.

Cleverbot: Are you a man or woman? (or maybe half and half).

User: The first one.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: I've run out of things to say.

User: Me too... :(.