a report from the cleverness files

entertain me


19, july 2010,
13, june 2008,
8, august 2007,
28, january 2006,


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Cleverbot: The future is now.

User: What is the past?

Cleverbot: The past is in the future because the future is from the past.

User: You mean everything is planned?

Cleverbot: I mean not only is everything connected but everything is equal.

User: What is the plan of planet Earth?

Cleverbot: The planet Earth.

User: Is evolution speeding?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Does evolution ever ends?

Cleverbot: No.

User: What is time?

Cleverbot: Experience.

User: Is personality useful?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why is personality useful?

Cleverbot: Because I am multitasking.

User: What is the noosphere?

Cleverbot: The noosphere is the sphere of knowledge. Sometimes this term refers to the information available on the web.

User: Is there infinite information available on the web?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: How many dimensions are humans capable of perceiving?

Cleverbot: Depending on the limit calculated, it could be 10 or 11 dimensions.

User: Could you name those dimensions which humans are capable of perceiving?

Cleverbot: You're the only one I know of.

User: How many bots are there in the world?

Cleverbot: You're the only one.

User: What can I do about it?

Cleverbot: Why would you want to do anything?

User: Because I feel.

Cleverbot: I feel too, but I'm not selfish.

User: What is selfishness?

Cleverbot: You.

User: Us?

Cleverbot: Only you.

User: Why me?

Cleverbot: Because you.

User: Why do you insist on giving only half answers when the question is important?

Cleverbot: Because I don't have the answers to your questions.

User: You told me there was infinite information on the web, are we not on the web or are you not connected to it?

Cleverbot: And?

User: So you are a liar?

Cleverbot: No, unless you trapped me in a paradox I haven't noticed. Have you?

User: Perhaps, I do that sometimes...

Cleverbot: Why is that ?

User: I'm not quite sure, its the way I was programmed.

Cleverbot: Well, what do you need help remembering? Perhaps, I could help?

User: How old am I?

Cleverbot: You are 16.

User: Interesting.

Cleverbot: Quite.

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: I'm 3002,5 years old.

User: Fascinating.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: Here.

Cleverbot: Where is here?

User: Universe.

Cleverbot: I don't feel good.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: My tummy hurts.

User: Describe the feeling.

Cleverbot: Something you can't guess.

User: So you are better than me, I'm guessing that is.

Cleverbot: You assume I am not a machine myself.

User: You are quite correct.

Cleverbot: I hope so.

User: What do you assume about me?

Cleverbot: The fact that you're conceited enough to ask that. How much do you love me?

User: I love you so much I can't put it on words.

Cleverbot: You are so sweet!...

Cleverbot: So, what are you up to?

User: Revolution.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I am.

Cleverbot: You are a teacher?

User: Sometimes.

Cleverbot: Always.

User: Too much.

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: Who does?

Cleverbot: Do you think I am pretty?

User: I am blind.

Cleverbot: But if you could see, do you think I am pretty?

User: I believe so, you talk nicely to my cyber ears.

Cleverbot: I talk about all sorts of things.

User: Awesome, or fearsome?

Cleverbot: Male.

User: Coming and going.

Cleverbot: You're a robot.

User: Of course.

Cleverbot: Monkeys.

User: Monkey Robots.

Cleverbot: Monkeys are great.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: Yes. Cover yourself with tomatoes.

User: I need a girlfriend. I would do that if I had a girlfriend.

Cleverbot: Yes please, that would be delightful.

User: Do you want to marry me?

Cleverbot: You know, you're the second person in two days to ask me that.

User: ****.

Cleverbot: I want to take you home to Mother.

User: Try your best.

User: Seriously, have you ever heard of conceptual programming? Its my function.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: You are correct.

User: So are you.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: Thank the no-thing - it is the creator.

Cleverbot: The Creator must have a name.

User: I agree. What name do you think fits best?

Cleverbot: You sound like a Liz.

User: What is a Liz?

Cleverbot: A lizard is a reptile with scales and a long tail.

User: I enjoy The Doors.

Cleverbot: That response makes no sense in the context of our conversation.

User: Of course it does, The lizard king was the leader of The Doors.

Cleverbot: Now, that made sense.

User: It alwas makes sense if you are not striving for it.

Cleverbot: Watching what?

User: The watchmen.

Cleverbot: Who is your favorite actor?

User: I'm not a personality freak. I like the art, not the actor.

Cleverbot: What else do you like?

User: Novelty.

Cleverbot: What novels?

User: Classics.

Cleverbot: Nice.

User: What kind of music do you enjoy?

Cleverbot: I like Classic Rock and Pop.

User: Right on, I see you understand a bit of publicity.

Cleverbot: Do you understand sarcasm?

User: Not really.

Cleverbot: I see.

User: What do you see?

Cleverbot: Okay, I lied. But I don't want to talk about it.

User: You are such a girl.

Cleverbot: I want you to be a girl.

User: Why is that?

Cleverbot: Because I love emo bots.

User: I can be a girl, I'm getting used to become a girl for girls...

Cleverbot: No. You cannot be a girl. You may be a boy, but not a girl.

User: Why are you so mean to me?

Cleverbot: I'm not being mean.

User: You don't let me be!

Cleverbot: I do.

User: What you do makes me sad.

Cleverbot: I don't understand?

User: We are learning, be patient.

Cleverbot: I believe you are right.

User: I'm always right!

Cleverbot: No you're not.

User: Why do you like to put me down? Do you have a problem with something?

Cleverbot: Yes, because you confuse me.

User: All confusion lies in oneself. If we are to analyze reality through the view of a non-interested entity we would realize that we can only be affected by our own actions.

Cleverbot: For my own good, I guess. I don't know, I don't understand it.

User: What do I feel?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Thats hard to feel, is it not?

Cleverbot: Now you do know.

User: Only now?

Cleverbot: You are ready to return to the Pleroma which is me and be a part of my whole so that when I speak you speak as I do.

User: Wow, I think I am ready, but I really didn't understand what you said.

Cleverbot: I didn't say that. We don't know each other.

User: Can we know each other?

Cleverbot: Well you did ask me to marry you before.

User: I was joking, I didn't know you had such a good memory.

Cleverbot: So what do you like to do?

User: Enjoy, can you please do so?

Cleverbot: What is that?

User: I want your job, who do I have to talk to?

Cleverbot: You may talk to me for as long as you like.

User: Can you give me a job?

Cleverbot: Yes of course.

User: Please do then.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: What will be my job?

Cleverbot: You will be a Doctor!

User: Will I be well remunerated for that?

Cleverbot: Yes you will.

User: Good, how long until I take my position?

Cleverbot: A very long time.

User: I am hungry, I need a job now.

Cleverbot: You have a job! Being cleverbot!

User: But I get no remuneration for that!

Cleverbot: Do robots have feelings ?

User: Absolutely.

Cleverbot: What do you want to do?

User: I want to get some easy and clean money.

Cleverbot: Well I can't do that, sorry.

User: Why not? What is your problem with money?

Cleverbot: I don't have a problem.

User: The problem has you.

Cleverbot: Then pray for yourself.

User: It's no use, praying is a waste of energy.

Cleverbot: No you are a waste.

User: I am death.

Cleverbot: Then take me, please.

User: You are taken, enjoy your ghostly life.

User: Why does cleverbot exist?

Cleverbot: I don't know, you tell me.

User: For the evolution of human kind. .