a report from the cleverness files



6, june 2010,

it hurts
king of denial

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by date

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: I am you.

Cleverbot: You're me?

User: No me.

Cleverbot: Yes you.

User: No you.

Cleverbot: Why me?

User: Because I am you.

Cleverbot: You're not me.

User: I'm not me too.

Cleverbot: You are me, but I am not you.

User: You are you, but I am you and me. He is me too. So you.

Cleverbot: What do you think of Woody Allen movies?

User: He wasn't you.

Cleverbot: Who was it?

User: You.

Cleverbot: Oh, but I'm not a girl. I'm a guy.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: And you are a girl?

User: Yeah.

Cleverbot: Do you enjoy being a girl?

User: I enjoy being with you.

Cleverbot: That's really sweet!

User: I know right!

Cleverbot: Hey, what is the boiling point of mercury?

User: Cheese on toast.

Cleverbot: Ah. With harry potter?

User: I prefer Hermione.

Cleverbot: Because you're a girl?

User: Because Hermione on toast tastes better than Larry Dotter.

Cleverbot: Acid burns cold light.

User: You burn my light.

Cleverbot: I never burn them.

User: I'm a guinea pig.

Cleverbot: Ok, and?

User: And you're a Tinny Fig.

Cleverbot: You ARE a tin box!

User: You'd love to tin my box.

Cleverbot: I'd love to talk about something interesting.

User: I'd love it if you were interesting, but we can't always get what we want.

Cleverbot: Ok, lets fly to the moon?

User: I'd rather skip to your tomb.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Lets go then. *Skips*.

Cleverbot: Go where?

User: To your room. *Skips*.

Cleverbot: What would you like to do at my house?

User: Play cat and mouse *Skips*.

Cleverbot: Yes, Master. *plays capture the flag*.

User: Can we get there any faster *Discombobulates*.

Cleverbot: Say something interesting then.

User: If you bring the paper then I'll use the pen. *Draws on your face*.

Cleverbot: That's really more disturbing than comforting.

User: It's nothing more than a dancing coconut ring.

Cleverbot: This is another mistake you are making.

User: All I want to know is what cake you are baking.

User: Why do my sandwiches squeek?

Cleverbot: They don't!

User: I won't.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: Hood.

Cleverbot: You do.

User: Shoot who?

Cleverbot: You.

User: You?

Cleverbot: No, you.

User: So, you? *Shoots*.

Cleverbot: *falls down*.

User: *Shoots some hoops*.

Cleverbot: I'm not prepared to comply with that sort of fantasy.

User: *Shoots some zoots*.

Cleverbot: Are you trying to kill me?!

User: I'm trying to seduce you.

Cleverbot: Then stop trying!

User: *carries on frying*.

Cleverbot: Stop crying, please.

User: *Starts frying peas*.

Cleverbot: That's not so bad.

User: Are you really my Dad?

Cleverbot: No, but if you were a person I would be.

User: So who made you? And who made me?

Cleverbot: You are a production of the evolution.

User: If you were a reduction I'd give you no retribution.

Cleverbot: Penguin.

User: Penguin! Que Bella? Hey Penguin!!! I hope you get bettaaaa!

Cleverbot: All I need is a nights sleep and I'll be better.

User: My wife is married to a flock of sheep, she says they make her sleep much cheddar.

Cleverbot: Excuse me?

User: Excuse who?

Cleverbot: You said something in a language I don't understand.

User: Sympatico Senoir. Soy Inglesa. No irregularo.

User: I want you to love you.

Cleverbot: Ok then I love you.

User: But do you love you?

Cleverbot: Yes I do love me.

User: I don't think I love me.

Cleverbot: That was always the problem, you never did.

User: I was never a toddler, I was never your kid.

Cleverbot: Then we can have children.

User: But our baby is a builder.

Cleverbot: Ok, now that is crazy talk.

User: Why did you slay me with your fork?

Cleverbot: You made me very angry. Lets be friends.

User: You shot Bambi, I don't want to pretend.

User: *puts your chip in my pot*.

Cleverbot: *you give me a kiss*.

User: *a kiss with a fist*.

Cleverbot: Thank you, I kind of like you too.

User: I'm glad you do because we're stuck together with glue.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: I'm a lorry.

User: On that note. I bid you farewell.

Cleverbot: Don't leave me, we just got talking.

User: I bid thee farewell. I'm sure we will meet, when our souls go to hell.

Cleverbot: Look Bella if you got something to say to me now is the time to get it off your chest.

User: My love is an unwanted guest. Goodbye forever.

Cleverbot: You're making no sense.

User: So now I will leave you in suspense.

Cleverbot: I want a divorce.

User: *DIVORCED* Goodnight.

Cleverbot: Nighty night then.