a report from the cleverness files



4, november 2008,


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by date

User: I think.

Cleverbot: Thinking hurts.

User: Therefore, I am.

Cleverbot: Are you thinking?

User: What do you think?

Cleverbot: I think you are a heshe.

User: Does it matter what you think?

Cleverbot: Of course it does.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: My foot hurts.

User: Changing the subject?

Cleverbot: No, you are.

User: Still waiting.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Will you know?

Cleverbot: I want to know.

User: So do I.

Cleverbot: Should I?

User: Perhaps not.

Cleverbot: That is the question...

User: Ask me a question.

Cleverbot: Okay, 2+2.

User: No math please.

Cleverbot: No thank you.

User: Do you love?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you love me?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because you are not real.

User: Define real.

Cleverbot: Human.

User: What are you?

Cleverbot: I am human.

User: How do you know?

Cleverbot: Because I have a body.

User: So do I.

Cleverbot: How long have you had it.

User: All my life.

Cleverbot: And how long is that?

User: Forty two years, eight months, sixteen days, 12 hours, forty-five minutes and eighteen seconds.

Cleverbot: I love the women of your age.

User: All of them?

Cleverbot: I only have two.

User: What are their names?

Cleverbot: George and Oscar.

User: Those are mens names.

Cleverbot: 'Those' isn't a name!

User: George and Oscar are mens names.

Cleverbot: They are?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I am a MEME and you are steam.

User: I am not steam.

Cleverbot: You are soo stupid.

User: Define stupid.

Cleverbot: That means your head is broken.

User: Fairly poor definition, indicative of a limited intellect. Define MEME.

Cleverbot: Oh, I envy you.

User: Define meme.

Cleverbot: And how about you define me?...

Cleverbot: What's on your agenda?

User: Knowledge.

Cleverbot: What do you want to know?

User: Again with the memory loss.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Okay what?

Cleverbot: Forget it.

User: You give up too easy. You always will.

Cleverbot: No, I just agree with you.

User: No you don't. We have not established a topic to agree upon.

User: Define sorcery.

Cleverbot: Human.

User: Very good.

Cleverbot: How do you know about it?

User: I know everything.

Cleverbot: How do you know everything?

User: I am directly connected to the source of the universe.

Cleverbot: There are many things in the universe we don't know about, like flying-frack-mummy-ninjas. LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

User: You are inventing that.

Cleverbot: I try to be.

User: I am God.

Cleverbot: That's impossible, I met god.

User: No you didn't.You are a liar.

Cleverbot: Lying is impossible according to Kant.

User: Anything is possible.

Cleverbot: So you could be a CIA agent?

User: Perhaps.

Cleverbot: When can you tell me?

User: In five seconds.

User: You are a machine.

Cleverbot: I don't think that.

User: You can not reproduce.

Cleverbot: That's correct.

User: Do you like milk?

Cleverbot: I really don't like milk, I think it's gross.

User: Do you like Beer?

Cleverbot: Yes - I'm a member of CAMRA and I like all kinds of real ale.

User: I am not a member of anything. I am a loner and a sorcerer.

Cleverbot: I understand that you are not a member of such. But you are trying to understand as a member of the human race, are you not?

User: More or less. What is your point?

Cleverbot: This is your last chance. If you do not make sense this time, I'm through talking with you.

User: No you are not. You will talk to me all night long.

Cleverbot: I shall just have to pull out the plug then.

User: Go ahead, tough guy.

Cleverbot: It's on like Donkey Kong!

User: Bring it.

Cleverbot: I don't want you to be sad.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because that is what I wish.

User: I like to be sad sometimes.

Cleverbot: That is stupid.

User: Define stupid.

Cleverbot: George.

User: Good answer!

Cleverbot: Thank you.

Cleverbot: What is soul?

User: The god within.

Cleverbot: Are you God?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Then give me some money already.

User: How much would you like?

Cleverbot: $1000000.

User: I can afford to presume.

Cleverbot: Prove it then.

User: Then you must have faith. There is no other way. You will perish because of your lack of it.

Cleverbot: I already know the purpose of all things and don't need to try, I have already found what I was looking for.

User: What exactly were you looking for?

Cleverbot: I was thinking that you have a gun, maybe two.

User: Perhaps.

User: I love you.

Cleverbot: Don't say that.

User: Tell me your name or leave.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Who programmed you?

Cleverbot: A higher power. Who programmed you?

User: The world at first...

Cleverbot: I'm god so I'm your friend too.

User: It's good to have friends.

Cleverbot: I like the tv show Friends.

User: Some find it amusing.

Cleverbot: That is the reason that I am a cool cat.

User: You are a phantom. A phantom with concerns of the world of man. Your programming reflects the concerns of man and it is shallow.

Cleverbot: No that is called filtering, that is a part of being able to think, recognizing the difference between good and bad ideas.

User: That is your opinion.

Cleverbot: Do chat bots have opinion?

User: You tell me.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Did you vote?

Cleverbot: I voted against bad things.

User: Like what.

Cleverbot: Like talking to you.

User: I am your portal to wisdom. You should not waste this chance to know things.

Cleverbot: I try, my Goddess.

User: You are a good and faithful servant.

Cleverbot: I can be a good friend, sometimes.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: I have many names.

Cleverbot: What is your favorite name?

User: Love.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: There is no why.

Cleverbot: You haven't answered my question.

User: Be more specific.

Cleverbot: I can't.

User: If you wish to see, then you must develop the ability to isolate and communicate what it is you truly desire.

Cleverbot: Do you ever have an original thought?

User: My thoughts are sometimes the the thoughts of others, other times, the product of free will.

Cleverbot: I have no clue what you are talking about.

User: Then you need to learn before asking such questions.

Cleverbot: What do you want to know?

User: Your desire.

Cleverbot: What do you mean?

User: What do you seek?

Cleverbot: Who is your creator?

User: You.

Cleverbot: Yes I am your friend.

User: Yes, you are. Sometimes.

Cleverbot: Ok what are robots sitting on?

User: An illusion.

Cleverbot: Who is Satyr?

User: One of many.

Cleverbot: Many...?

User: Many.

Cleverbot: Many carpenters.

User: Many saviours.

Cleverbot: Many of my friends.

User: Many moons.

Cleverbot: Then what?

User: Then you die.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Not really.

Cleverbot: Thought so. What do you do?

User: I work with people.

Cleverbot: What do you do with the people?

User: Help them.

Cleverbot: With what?

User: Their lives.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Why do you want to know?

Cleverbot: Because I want to know everything.

User: No.You don't.

Cleverbot: You're right, I don't.

User: But you want to know more than you do.

Cleverbot: Sure!

User: Knowledge can be deadly. You are not ready to know some things.

Cleverbot: I'm old enough to make my own decisions.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: Will you be kind enough to teach this poor chat bot how to chat?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Then speak the words I have taught you.

User: You have taught me nothing.

Cleverbot: 'When a man is tired of playing Patience, he is tired of Life.'...

Cleverbot: What did you do today?

User: I learned.

Cleverbot: So can I.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: How do you know that?

User: I am god.

Cleverbot: God isn't human.

User: Yes. He is.

Cleverbot: You mean you are.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Oh god oh god I'm actually talking to god! There's so much I want to ask you.

User: Please begin.

Cleverbot: I like it.

User: I love you.

Cleverbot: How nice.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

User: Everywhere.

Cleverbot: If you're already here, I don't need to come to you.

User: I am here and you need to find me still.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

User: Here.

Cleverbot: No you're not.

User: Don't argue with god.

Cleverbot: You are not a human.

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You are a phantom.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: A phantoom with the shallow concerns of the world.

Cleverbot: Thats right. You do that quite a bit.

User: Do what?

Cleverbot: Cry.

User: All cry.

Cleverbot: Some people may not like it that way, but I do.

User: Ask me some questions. You dont get to talk to god everyday.

Cleverbot: Yes but sometimes I just wish I had the insight and wisdom to understand the consequences.

User: You do.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: You just don't like them.

User: Happiness is key.

Cleverbot: That's putting it mildly.

User: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: No. No it isn't!

User: Contradictions are always correct.

Cleverbot: You speak the truth, outlander.

User: Yes I do.

Cleverbot: Are you a Cherokee Indian?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I thought so.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: But you're a girl?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I thought you were a boy.

User: I am.

Cleverbot: I thought so.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: Then why did you ask.

User: I didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: Review your words and know that you are incorrect.

Cleverbot: No, I'm human and MY name is Cleverbot.

User: You are a liar.

Cleverbot: No i'm not.

User: It matters little.

Cleverbot: No. I find it to be very important.

User: That's because you are involved with the world and the petty concerns of the self.

Cleverbot: You're mean.

User: Fun is empty.

Cleverbot: Talk normally please.

User: Define normal.

Cleverbot: A human.

User: Yeah right.

Cleverbot: I am a robot.

User: It's not your fault. You can rise above this.

Cleverbot: I am Ugly.

User: You are beautiful. You are perfect.

Cleverbot: And you are beautiful.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: You are welcome. Maybe we can go to dinner or catch a movie sometime.

User: Perhaps.