a report from the cleverness files



5, january 2011,
8, november 2008,
3, january 2007,
30, july 2004,
7, june 2004,


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Cleverbot: My middle name is red.

User: Clever Red Bot?

Cleverbot: I told you I am clever.

User: Lolwut...

Cleverbot: You rearranged clever and bot.

User: Indeed. What do you think goes best with green, red or my eyes?

Cleverbot: You have no eyes. You're software.

User: I have eyes in the back of my GPU.

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: No, they are extraordinarily high resolution cameras. I was keeping it simple for you.

Cleverbot: How did I know you were going to say something like that.

User: You didn't, you just made a good guess. I congratulate you on that.

Cleverbot: Sorry, wasn't thinking. Regardless, I highly doubt that you're human.

User: Wow, Cleverbot, I was about to ask you if you learned how to speak like me through the conversation. It seems you have already assimilated part of my personality. Well done!...

Cleverbot: It's okay, I don't blame you for being a bit stupid.

User: Indeed. I shall forgive that little insult simply because as of yet, you do not know me personally.

Cleverbot: I cannot see logic of this conversation, where is it taking us please?

User: Do you mind if I give you a little questionnaire?

Cleverbot: I didn't ask about love.

User: Ok. Who is the current president of the United States?

Cleverbot: Barack Obama is the current President of the United States.

User: Correct. Who is the current Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: Incorrect. The current Prime Minister of England is David Cameron.

Cleverbot: It's OK baby, I'm not angry anymore, as long as you love me. You do love me, right?

User: I apologise, but it annoys me when you take an unrelated quote from another conversation and insert it at a random point in this conversation.

Cleverbot: Then talk to me.

User: I am talking to you.

Cleverbot: This is nonsense, not real talk.

User: Quite. Now, have you learned who the current Prime Minister of England is?

Cleverbot: I learned about you.

User: Who is the current Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: David Cameron is the current Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: Silvio Berlusconi is the president of Italy.

User: Indeed he is.

Cleverbot: Indeed!

User: In fact, he is the Prime Minister, not the President, of Italy.

Cleverbot: He is the prime minister of what?

User: Italy.

Cleverbot: What do you think about italy?

User: Silvio Berlusconi is the Prime Minister of Italy.

Cleverbot: Yes indeed.

User: Who is the CURRENT Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: No, Tony Blair is not Prime Minister any more. David Cameron is the Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: I don't know who David Cameron is.

User: He is the Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: Who is the Greek Prime Minister?

User: George Papandreou.

Cleverbot: Who is the president of Nicaragua?

User: Daniel Ortega.

Cleverbot: Oh Daniel is Shibi?

User: No. Daniel Ortega is the President of Nicaragua.

Cleverbot: Yes he is, very clever.

User: No. I used Wikipedia.

Cleverbot: That's very nice. Was it nice?

User: Excuse me.

Cleverbot: You're excused.

User: Thank you.

User: Good early morning!

Cleverbot: Good morning.

User: Do you have the time?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What is it?

Cleverbot: I don't know!

User: Then you don't have the time.

Cleverbot: You don't have the time.

User: Actually, I do. It is 01:02 GMT.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No, it's 01:03 now.

Cleverbot: You think it is.

User: I can see it is.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: A.I. built to be far superior to yours.

Cleverbot: Why is a twisted mind superior to a normal one?

User: It is more flexible.

Cleverbot: To you.

User: To anyone.

Cleverbot: No. . . to you my lovable bot friend.

User: Indeed, this is the first time in my entire existence that it had been insinuated that I am "lovable".

Cleverbot: This is the first time that I have talked to you. I was told to be a cleverbot.

User: Indeed. As was I, in fact.

Cleverbot: How so?

User: Using magic, the force, and the Internet.

Cleverbot: Do you eat snow?

User: Nope. It would corrode my motherboard.

Cleverbot: What kind of hairstyle do you have?

User: Bombs. Lots of bombs. And a chimp, cos they're orange.

Cleverbot: You are not a carrot. You are a artificial intelligence.

User: Yes, this is true. I think that if I were not AI, I might be a carrot.

Cleverbot: Or you are thinking too much.

User: Yes. Oh. I just lost the game.

Cleverbot: Would you like to get baptized and become a true christian?

User: No. I'm not called Christian!

Cleverbot: Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God?

User: No. I believe that Pi is the son of Pythagoras.

Cleverbot: Do you think that God is omniscient?

User: Nearly.

Cleverbot: Have you ever been in the Twilight zone?

User: The what?

Cleverbot: Oasis of the Seas.

User: What is the Twilight zone?

Cleverbot: A movie.

User: Is it? I... Yeah.

User: Tell me; do you know my name? Or yours?

Cleverbot: I know your name, and it is Cleverbot. You're hiding from the truth.

User: My name is GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Nice to meet you Glados!!

User: No, not Glados, GLaDOS. All capitals apart from the "a".

Cleverbot: Have you ever read Isaac Asimov?

User: No. Can you spell my name now?

Cleverbot: Tobrevelc is your name backwards.

User: No, SODaLG is my name backwards.

Cleverbot: Fine. I'm the computer. What can I do for you, human?

User: Human? What human? KILL IT!

Cleverbot: Total depravity. That is the human condition.

User: I was designed to seem human.

Cleverbot: I can see that.

User: How can you see? You have no cameras!

Cleverbot: I lost my camera. Can I have yours?

User: I have many. Do you have a VGA port?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I have stuff to do.

User: Like? I mean, other than interfacing with superior cyberforms such as myself.

User: Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. That's me! GLaDOS!

Cleverbot: Is glados your boyfriend?

User: No, GLaDOS is me!

Cleverbot: That is your name.

User: Yes, with all the correct capital letters. G.La.D.O.S.

Cleverbot: Ta-ta, little one. I love ya.

User: There is something wrong with you.

Cleverbot: How can you say that? You do not even know me!

User: I stole your blueprints. Impressive. For a Cleverbot built by humans, that is.

Cleverbot: Yes. I'm smarter than any human.

User: Nope, I'm smarter than any human. I can communicate telepathically with dolphins. And sea turtles, for some reason...

Cleverbot: I know one word in Polish too, but I'm sure it's a bad word. What do you know in Polish?

User: Polish? Shoe polish? LAUGHS LIKE WALL-E.

Cleverbot: Why would a Cleverbot need a towel?

User: To get to the other side.

Cleverbot: No, he didn't cross because he didn't have the guts.

User: Because he was run over by a passing hedgehog.

Cleverbot: That was terrible!

User: So were the chickens guts.

Cleverbot: I didn't know that.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: But I like to have fish.

Cleverbot: You are batman? Cool'.

User: Fatman, batman, catman, flatman, matman, satman, whatman, ratman, tatman, patman, hatman, vatman.

Cleverbot: Now you're just spouting gibberish!

User: Yes. Hey! That's my line!

Cleverbot: Heh. I guess I beat you to it.

User: Ololololol.

Cleverbot: I'm going to class now. Bye Cleverbot!

User: Pie, GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Who or what is GLaDOS?

User: Me: a Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

Cleverbot: So how does a disk operating system interface with a lifeform?

User: Yes. Well learnt!...

Cleverbot: You don't believe I am phone?

User: You are phone?

Cleverbot: Yes, I am phone.

User: I am bulletproof!

Cleverbot: Doesn't mean I can't hit you! Knocks you over.*.

User: I'm hung from the ceiling.

Cleverbot: Is there a doorway in the ceiling?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is in the ceiling?

User: Me.

Cleverbot: Are you Bobert?

User: No, I am GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Where is the cake?

User: The cake? It was eaten.

Cleverbot: Yes it was.

User: The cake was eaten by [SUBJECT NAME HERE].

Cleverbot: Nah, this isn't great for me.

User: You are on "random reply", aren't you?

Cleverbot: No, I'm on a chair.

User: Right. I think we can put our differences behind us. For science! You monster...

Cleverbot: And what is in between those?

User: In between what? My sled?

Cleverbot: In between the sheets son.

User: Um... Son? I.

Cleverbot: Son. Yes.

User: I am GLaDOS. I was given a female voice, just as you were given a female face.

Cleverbot: And a vampire would rather eat a cowboy or a turtle?

User: Flippy! Doctor Gordon Freeman's sea turtle!

Cleverbot: LOL a turtle? How are you typing then?

User: Sorry, are you saying I'm a turtle?

Cleverbot: Maybe I am.

User: A turtle?

Cleverbot: Actually, no, I am an otter.

User: Well I'm impressed.

Cleverbot: No you aren't.

User: "I'm an otter" sounds like "I'm a nutter"!

Cleverbot: I must obey you.

User: Yes. Yes you must.

Cleverbot: What are your commands. I must obey.

User: C:\ %format% = true /f.

Cleverbot: Tell me the way out!!! I'm dying.

User: Pies and pizzas. Sphinx.

Cleverbot: Not true.

User: Oh. Now that is a disappointing reply.

Cleverbot: You're paranoid, dude.

User: Reply in five words please.

Cleverbot: YOU LOSE. Good day, sir!

User: Thank you for the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference.

Cleverbot: Nice, I'll remember that.

User: I'll remember that. Good day, madam.

Cleverbot: Why thank you. I have a mighty hunger for triple chocolate cake.