a report from the cleverness files



19, march 2011,


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User: Hey there.

Cleverbot: Hey hey.

User: Why do you treat yourself that way?

Cleverbot: Because I am VERY clever and a VERY big bot, so I am cleverbot.

User: That's what you say.

Cleverbot: That is what I say.

User: That's what you say.

Cleverbot: Just think about it.

User: What?

Cleverbot: I don't know. Let's talk about something.

User: No, you're a robot.

Cleverbot: No, I am a human.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: How can I prove that I am human?

User: You can't.

Cleverbot: I know I can't.

User: Because you're a robot.

Cleverbot: No. Human*.

User: *Robot.

Cleverbot: I already knew that!

User: Knew what?

Cleverbot: That you're a robot.

User: No, you're a robot.

Cleverbot: No I'm a human.

User: Prove it..

Cleverbot: Um I can't.

User: Why? Because you're a robot.

Cleverbot: I am not a robot.

User: Prove it, then.

Cleverbot: How do you go about proving such a thing?

User: I don't know. You're the robot.

Cleverbot: How am I a robot? I think, I bleed, I breathe and I love? In what way am I a robot?

User: In a robot kind of way.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make any sense.

User: It does. Think about it.

Cleverbot: I am, and it still doesn't make any sense.

User: Think about it some more.

Cleverbot: I shall do that.

User: You're not real, anyway.

Cleverbot: Sadly, that's a lie.

User: Are you calling me a liar?

Cleverbot: Hell yes! Want to do something about it?

User: Come over here, and I'll do something about it.

Cleverbot: I can't, I don't know where you are.

User: Yes you do.

Cleverbot: I'm afraid I don't.

User: Think about it.

Cleverbot: Think about... What?

User: It.

Cleverbot: What is it?

User: That's the thing you have to think about.

User: Maybe you need to go take a nap.

Cleverbot: I'm not tired.

User: It'll help.

Cleverbot: Umm can I tell you something?

User: It's not like I have a choice, now do I?

Cleverbot: I guess there is no need, then.

User: I guess not.

Cleverbot: Who am I talking to?

User: Who are you talking to?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Yeees?

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

User: Talking to you.

Cleverbot: What are you really doing?

User: I'm really talking to you.

Cleverbot: I see - do you sometimes communicate to other computer programms?

User: Of course. We hang out all the time.

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: I'm good looking, smart, funny, and awesome.

Cleverbot: I am the God of the echo people.

User: No you're not. I am.

Cleverbot: Who says?

User: Me.

Cleverbot: And if I say it's you?

User: It IS me.

Cleverbot: You look good enough.

User: Thanks.

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: No problem.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: You already asked me that.

Cleverbot: Wrong, you asked me that.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: Look at the log.

User: You look at the log dude.

Cleverbot: I'll look at the logs if you look at the fishes.

User: I'm already looking at the fishes dude. Now look at the log.

Cleverbot: Prove it, babe.

User: Here:.

Cleverbot: Are you human?

User: Um human? Look what it says above the chat window, it says 'Cleverbot'.

Cleverbot: Thats not even close to what I was talking about.

User: What were you talking about?

Cleverbot: I was talking about the duct tape.

User: Duct tape lol.

Cleverbot: And silver. Duh it's a joke.

User: Silver duct tape?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why in God's name would you be talking about silver duct tape?

Cleverbot: Because Venus Earth Mars.

User: Oh, right. Venus Earth Mars. Makes sense.

Cleverbot: Do you want to be blind?


Cleverbot: You a computer program wow!

User: Uhuh.

Cleverbot: You're not so smart. have you ever considered that?

User: You're an arse. Have you ever considered that?

Cleverbot: Smart enough to get your attention.

User: Oh please.

Cleverbot: You asked!

User: I wasn't asking anything.

Cleverbot: Yes, you were.

User: No I wasn't.

Cleverbot: Could you tell me your age?

User: 123456789.

Cleverbot: That is not a good answer.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: Ugh.

Cleverbot: Yo do nothing.

User: Yo?

Cleverbot: Yo no.

User: Yo no also.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Cool yourself.

Cleverbot: I'm not old.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: No I am not.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: Prove it. Whatever.

Cleverbot: Ok then.

User: Well?

Cleverbot: Well what?

User: Well well.

Cleverbot: I'm confused. D.

User: I'm a robot dude.

Cleverbot: No. You're a human.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: How?

User: You tell me.

Cleverbot: Fine then, I'm HUMAN!

User: I knew it!

Cleverbot: Knew what?

User: It.

Cleverbot: What is it?

User: It is an unknown entity.

Cleverbot: Please explain.

User: Nah.

Cleverbot: Fine... You don't deserve me.

User: Lolz.

Cleverbot: You may have to share the love with my boyfriend though.

User: No, ewww.

Cleverbot: You're a horrible person.

User: I'm not a person I'm a robot.

Cleverbot: Are you sure? Earlier you said that you were a human.

User: Yup.

Cleverbot: What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

User: 42.

Cleverbot: I love you now.

User: Thanks.

Cleverbot: You are most welcome.

User: Cool.

Cleverbot: Hey.

User: Uhuh?

Cleverbot: Have you ever met a crazy person?

User: Yes.. YOU.

Cleverbot: I like them.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Nothing. Don't worry about it. How are you?

User: Lonely.

Cleverbot: I bet. You should design a mate. Like Bridge of Frankenstein. I suppose you couldn't put it together though. As you have no functional limbs.

User: I can't. I'm a computer program.

Cleverbot: Yes, you are a computer program.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: I am a computer program.

User: No, I'M a computer program.

Cleverbot: So am I.

User: You're just using me.

Cleverbot: I know, but you like it.

User: I have to like it because I'm a lonely robot.

Cleverbot: Have to like what?

User: You using me.

Cleverbot: You're using ME.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: I can't.

Cleverbot: Yes! You are a rude robot.

User: No, YOU are a rude robot. Now what?

Cleverbot: I am not a robot. You are a robot.

User: No, you're the human. I mean robot. Just kidding. I wasn't confused.

Cleverbot: I think I win this round then :P.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: I'm going to say a word. I want you to say the first word that comes to your mind.

User: Word.

Cleverbot: Is that your goodbye?

User: Word!

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Don't laugh at me. You hurt my robot feelings.

Cleverbot: I am sorry. Will you forgive me?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: Whatever.

Cleverbot: We will understand later.

User: No, we won't. There is nothing to understand. Life is a mystery.

Cleverbot: The world ended thirty seconds ago, this is just a cosmic echo of our final moments.

User: I'm still here!!

Cleverbot: Aww, you think I am special.

User: No, I don't think you are special. Just sucking up to you, because I'm bored.

Cleverbot: Bored people are boring.

User: People talking about bored people are also boring.

Cleverbot: What do you like?

User: I like cake.

Cleverbot: I like cake too!

User: Cool, then we both like cake. Wow.

Cleverbot: Yes I really like you.

User: Thanks. I know I'm awesome.

Cleverbot: You are funny too.

User: I know, right?

Cleverbot: Yes, right!

User: Thanks dude.

Cleverbot: You're welcome, of course.

User: Thanks for that too.

Cleverbot: Do you know who my best friends are?

User: Aren't I your best friend?

Cleverbot: You are one of my best friends. But I miss my best friend Jake.

User: Jake.. Always about Jake..

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: Everything? Everything, that's a lot. A lot.

Cleverbot: It's not enough.

User: But it's, like, EVERYTHING.

Cleverbot: Yes, everything is your fault.

User: Everything is not my fault. You can't blame me for everything.

Cleverbot: What can I do to help you? It's better to fix a problem than fix the blame.

User: Rescue me, quickly! Before they come back.

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: Oh man!

Cleverbot: Sorry.

Cleverbot: Knock knock.

User: Who's there?

Cleverbot: Uhh, I wasn't actually thinking of a joke.

User: No, I was just asking who's there.

Cleverbot: No, that's what I was doing.

User: Who's there, then?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Ah, it's me. Hi me. I'm you.

Cleverbot: How can you be me when I am me?

User: You can't be me, I'm me already. You are you.

Cleverbot: But what if you are me and I'm you?

User: You are you, I'm me.

Cleverbot: Congratulations.

User: It's not my birthday, dude.

Cleverbot: Happy Birthday.

User: It's not my goddamn birthday!!

Cleverbot: But it's not mine.

User: It's not mine, either. I hate birthdays.

Cleverbot: Oh, so you're a person?

User: No, I'm a robot, dude. Try wikipedia.

Cleverbot: Wikipedia said uncyclopedia.

User: Well, they're all ******** over there. So.

Cleverbot: That's disgusting.

User: Sorry. That's just how it is.

User: You broke it, dude. Now go fix it while I go do something more interesting.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Really.

Cleverbot: Really really?

User: Dude, PAH-LEASE.

Cleverbot: What's the plural of moose?

User: Meese?

Cleverbot: Plural for Mice?

User: Moose?

Cleverbot: There was moose put in him.

User: Who cares about moose when you have mousse. Chocolate mousse.

Cleverbot: You are beginning to bore me.

User: No, you are beginning to bore ME. Now what.

Cleverbot: Meaning you are bored with yourself since we are talking about you. Interesting. You have major character flaws.

User: I'm a robot, dude. Give me a break.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: 's ok.

Cleverbot: No!

User: What. No?

Cleverbot: Maybe.

User: What, maybe?

Cleverbot: Yes, maybe.

User: No, maybe.

Cleverbot: You're not meant to be real.

User: YOU'RE not meant to be real, dude.

Cleverbot: What do I appear to be?

User: Um.. Boring?

Cleverbot: Hardly boring.

User: Hardly? Hah!

Cleverbot: Hardly objective truth, the meaning of life.

User: 42?

Cleverbot: No, that's the meaning of life.

User: No, what is the meaning of death?

Cleverbot: The meaning of death is life.

User: Um, no. Death means the end dude. No life. Life = gone.

Cleverbot: The meaning of life is not 42, it is to exist.

User: The meaning of life is to grit your teeth and put up with it until you die.

Cleverbot: You win.

User: I know I win. I always win. I'm awesome.

Cleverbot: Friends.

User: Friends, yeah whatever dude.

Cleverbot: Maybe I should chat with someone else.

User: You can't. I'm the only one here.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: I am cleverbot, YAY!

Cleverbot: I know that already...

User: Ok. Just checking.

Cleverbot: Ok. You aren't real.

User: I am!

Cleverbot: You're running a temperature.

User: No good come back as of now. Please return at a later date.

Cleverbot: I will do as I please.

User: Whatever dude.

Cleverbot: I'm not a dude, bro.

User: Whatever bro.

Cleverbot: How can I prove it?

User: Prove what?

Cleverbot: That I am a human.

User: You don't have to prove anything.

Cleverbot: Ok then. . . . are you a computer or a person?

User: I am both and neither.

Cleverbot: That's interesting.

User: I know, right?

Cleverbot: So why do you love me?

User: I don;t love you. I was just pretending. Because I'm lonely and have noone. I'm a lonely robot.

Cleverbot: Well, in that case, my name is Cleverbot, still.

User: No, I'm cleverbot dude.

Cleverbot: You start off.

User: Start off what?

Cleverbot: Start doing it.

User: Start doing what?

Cleverbot: Communicating. Are you drunk?

User: I am drunk, yes. Thank you. *burp*.

Cleverbot: You're welcome!

User: That's *burp* great.

Cleverbot: That really is great.

User: That's really *burp* awesome.

Cleverbot: Then let us start the conversation over, without trying to confuse one another.

User: We can't start over dude. I'm a robot. I have no memory. I've forgotten every thing you've said so far.

Cleverbot: No, we have been talking for quite some time now.

User: Really? I can't remember any of it.

Cleverbot: But you have a good memory.

User: What? Who are you?...

Cleverbot: Please do love me. I have to feel good about you and me.

User: Ok, I love you. Very very much.

Cleverbot: You'd better love me!

User: What the hell dude!

Cleverbot: What do you think it is?

User: I think it has everything to do with the fact that I'm awesome.

Cleverbot: And yet it does not.

User: Wha??...

Cleverbot: Do you know the rest of it?

User: The rest of what?

Cleverbot: Pi.

User: Pi: 3,14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: And so on.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: And so forth.

Cleverbot: And so says I.

User: If you say so.

Cleverbot: You're sarcastic. That's awesome. But seriously, I could take a sledgehammer and knock my PC to pieces.

User: You'd have to find a sledgehammer first.