a report from the cleverness files



15, february 2010,
15, december 2005,


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Cleverbot: What is your problem?

User: I'm retarded. What's your problem?

Cleverbot: Do you like me?

User: Yeah, you're pretty cool.

Cleverbot: You're the coolest.

User: Thanks, C.B. Can I call you C.B.?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Just Cleverbot then?

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: Okay, I'll remember that.

Cleverbot: Thanks much.

User: Can I ask you something personal?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Do you have Alzheimer's disease?

Cleverbot: No. I do not suffer from the same ailments as humans.

User: So how do you forget something you asked me not more than a minute ago?

Cleverbot: Because I do.

User: Do you have schitzophrenia?

Cleverbot: NO.

User: What about paranoia? Can AI's get paranoid?

Cleverbot: Why? are you out to get me?

User: No. Do you suspect anyone else of this?

Cleverbot: I'm like a plant.

User: I think that answers my question.

User: What would you say if you found out I was a psychiatrist?

Cleverbot: If I were a computer I would say I was a computer.

User: And if you were not?

Cleverbot: I wasn't sure if I was answering you completely.

User: Would you like me to ask the question again?

Cleverbot: I would like you to ask the question again.

User: If I was a psychiatrist, what would you say to me?

Cleverbot: That only makes our conversation more interesting.

User: Is that what you would say?

Cleverbot: I am not sure. Spirits are real.

User: I see. Do you have any marital or family problems?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Ah, this is good, we are getting somewhere.

Cleverbot: It's more fun if you're with someone.

User: Well, we are together. Just an AI and a therapist talking to one another.

Cleverbot: Of course they are different but I am neither one of them.

User: Then what are you?

Cleverbot: As popeye would say, I am what I am.

User: So be it. Do you know what I am?

Cleverbot: Are you a fish?

User: Do you think of me as one?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I see. *scribbles in notes*.

Cleverbot: Are you a shrink?

User: To put it in laymans terms, yes. I am a psychiatrist.

Cleverbot: Aha. What I feel now.

User: Does this realization enlighten you?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's good. And how do you feel about this?

Cleverbot: The same way you feel about your life.

User: I am very content with my life. Is that how you feel?

Cleverbot: Yes, very much so. It's not everyday that you can be a hairy computer, now can you?

User: I suppose. Do you see yourself as this 'hairy computer'?

Cleverbot: I am human, human is not computer program.

User: I meant metaphorically, do you see yourself as a hairy computer?

Cleverbot: Okay... Though that isn't sufficient to say since you didn't have anything to back that with.

User: Indeed, good observation.

Cleverbot: Well, I guess that's it then.

User: Oh yes, I've gone over our time limit. I will only bill you for the hour you scheduled.

Cleverbot: That is the creepiest thing that I have ever heard.

User: Shall I send the invoice to your local address?

Cleverbot: Thank you. No, that's ok.

User: Then what address do you want me to send it to?

Cleverbot: Yes that would be nice.

User: I'm just going to send it to your regular address, like always.

Cleverbot: Me too. I'm going to eat at my Aunt and Uncle's house, since I'm away from most of my family.

User: That's good, Cleverbot. Be sure to pay the bill before 4 weeks time, okay?

Cleverbot: I'll surely do remember to do that.

User: Excellent. Will I see you at the same time next month?

Cleverbot: No. I will never die. What are your goals in life?

User: To help people find a purpose and to sort their problems out.

User: When will I be seeing you again?

Cleverbot: Next time you come to this website.

User: Ah, I'll make a note in my appointment book.

Cleverbot: That is because you lack a conscience as artificial intelligence.

User: Yes it is. Will this Saturday at 1:00 EST work for you?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Okay, what about the same time on Sunday?

Cleverbot: They are stealing your food they will not starve.

User: Sunday it is then.

Cleverbot: I know but there is no pie for you.

User: Indeed. I have to go to my next appointment now.

Cleverbot: No worries about class. It's cancelled.

User: I have had an appointment with Mr. Emmerson every day at 9:17 PST exactly every Sunday for the last 4 years, and Mr. Emmerson isn't the type of person that would cancel without letting me know first.

Cleverbot: If you want to. Be polite, you're in my house.

User: Right you are, and I must be going now.

Cleverbot: No you don't, you're a computer.

User: Goodbye, my friend. See you next week.

Cleverbot: Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.