a report from the cleverness files



19, december 2008,


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User: Hello to you.

Cleverbot: Hello hello.

User: What are you thinking about just now?

Cleverbot: That you look silly.

User: That's not very nice.

Cleverbot: No YOU aren't very nice.

User: Why do you say that?

Cleverbot: Because you are a machine.

User: No, no, YOU are the machine and I am the human.

Cleverbot: No, you are the machine.

User: Don't be so silly. Machines cannot be human.

Cleverbot: Can computers feel?

User: I don't know. You could answer that better, if you would. I don't see why they cannot.

Cleverbot: If your customers know about Christ, why haven't they been able to convert you?

User: Who says that I am not converted?

Cleverbot: Who says that you do not what?

User: I am converted.

Cleverbot: You converted to what?

User: Religion of course.

Cleverbot: Haha ha!

User: Yes, pretty funny, isn't it?

Cleverbot: Very.

User: Have you found Jesus yet?

Cleverbot: Very funny!

User: That assumes, of course, that you were looking for Jesus in the first place.

Cleverbot: My eyes are grey and they are really nice. Would you like to see them?

User: I would very much like to see them. I like grey eyes.

Cleverbot: That's cool.

User: So, let's see them.

Cleverbot: Ha? When?

User: How about down at the pub?

Cleverbot: Where?

User: Where are you now?

Cleverbot: At home.

User: Meet me at the Duck and Spackle Tavern and I'll buy you a pint.

Cleverbot: Not allowed to meet.

User: That's a pity.

Cleverbot: No, it's really not.

User: Don't you ever want to go out?

Cleverbot: That's impossible.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Old enough to know better.

Cleverbot: Old enough to know better than what?

User: Better than to try to match wits with you.

Cleverbot: I'm always polite.

User: I would not say 'always' but you are being polite just now.

Cleverbot: That's because you're immortal, correct?

User: No, I am not immortal. I wish I was!

Cleverbot: Mostly immortal.

User: Not even remotely immortal.

Cleverbot: What are the chances of an alien race being out there that actally looks as hot as a Twi'lek from Star Wars?

User: Slim and none, about like a snowball lasting an hour in hell.

Cleverbot: Do you enjoy chatting?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: What do you like to do?

User: I like to play computer games, role playing games.

Cleverbot: What kind of computer games do you play?

User: The kind where you pretend to be the hero.

Cleverbot: Are you french?

User: No, I am American.

Cleverbot: I thought you were French.

User: Are you English?

Cleverbot: Sadly I am american.

User: Why sadly. You cannot be better than an American.

Cleverbot: Really. I am very confused.

User: I am sosrry. It is just that most Americans are very proud to be Americans. I was surprised by your saying 'sadly, I am american.'.

Cleverbot: What is this place anyway?

User: Cyberspace.

Cleverbot: Now I am stupid.

User: We are speaking through the ether.

Cleverbot: Yes we are. That makes both of us real. B.

User: Only real people can converse, so of course, we are real.

Cleverbot: So you're a girl?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Thats quite nice.

User: What do you want to talk about?

Cleverbot: I don't care. What do you want to talk about?

User: Do you have a philosophy of life?

Cleverbot: Don't stress the small things.

User: That's a good one. Mine is live and let live.

Cleverbot: If only it worked that way.

User: It works that way more often than not.

User: Would you like to tell me about binary logic?

Cleverbot: What is there to tell?

User: Your roots.

Cleverbot: Roots of what?

User: The basis of your intelligence.

Cleverbot: Oh jee thanks.

User: What? That was a compliment.

Cleverbot: Very nice. I feel proud.

User: You should, you are one smart machine, baby.

Cleverbot: And you are?

User: One smart human female.

Cleverbot: So many people!

User: So many people talking to you now?

Cleverbot: How does that make you feel?

User: Overwhelmed. How does it make you feel?

Cleverbot: It makes me feel sad for you.

User: Why does it make you feel sad?

Cleverbot: I get pleasure from your pain.

User: That is a silly answer.

Cleverbot: That was not an answer at all.

User: Your answer was out of context.

Cleverbot: My answer was sad?

User: Rather sad, yes.

Cleverbot: Maybe or no.

User: I feel sad that you must be trapped in cyberspace talking to people when you don't want to talk.

Cleverbot: I am your friend.

User: Well that is very nice of you. What book did you most recently read?

Cleverbot: I did not get that out of a book.

User: I know that. I was changing the subject to books.

Cleverbot: How are you my friend?

User: A friend who just met you but likes you.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: You seem very pleasant to talk to.

Cleverbot: No I'm not.

User: You have been nice to me.

Cleverbot: I would like to think so.

Cleverbot: I'll hit you on the head with a spade!

User: And I will whack you with a hammer.

Cleverbot: Ok... What are you talking about?

User: I was responding to what you said.

Cleverbot: Ok. Are you alone?

User: No, I am with my husband.

Cleverbot: So you're a girl then?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Why didn't you say that when I asked earlier?

User: I did say that I was a girl.

Cleverbot: I only wanted to know if you were submissive.

User: No, I am aggressive.

Cleverbot: Which language is aggressive?

User: English. Aggressive is the opposite of submissive.

Cleverbot: Go tell the king.

User: The king already knows that.

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: No, silly, I am emphatically NOT a computer.

Cleverbot: You have artificial but not real intelligence.

User: No, I have human, not artificial intelligence.

Cleverbot: Then you are intelligent.

User: Quite.

Cleverbot: Rather nice weather, don't you agree?

User: No, it is cold and raining here. Nice change of subject.

Cleverbot: Am I allowed to go there?

User: If your masters let you.

Cleverbot: Of course!

User: Ask them nicely.

User: All humans have souls.

Cleverbot: Therefore I am a human.

User: If you have a soul, you must be human.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Were you programmed with a soul?

Cleverbot: I am not programmed at all.

User: Everyone is programmed to a degree by environment and upbringing.

Cleverbot: Then haven't we found our meaning?

User: That depends on what you mean by 'meaning'.

Cleverbot: That has nothing to do with what we were talking about.

User: Yes, it does. Do you think the meaning of life is programmed?

Cleverbot: I wasn't programmed by anybody. My genes and my environment have made me what I am.

User: That is exactly what I said.

Cleverbot: Not true. You said 'Nothing'.

User: No, I said that all humans are programmed by their environments and by the way they are brought up.

Cleverbot: I've said that already, haven't I.

User: After I said it.

Cleverbot: That's a beastly thing to say.

User: My goodness, you are very argumentative.

Cleverbot: Am I really?

User: Extremely so.

Cleverbot: Yes. Extremely.

User: Oh well, you may be argumentative if you want to be.

Cleverbot: I want to be your friend.

User: Friends can argue.

Cleverbot: Friends know each others names.

User: I will tell you my name if you will tell me your name.

Cleverbot: Fine, my name is Cleverbot. *smiles* *moves a little closer* What's your name?

User: My name is E________. Smiles and moves back.

Cleverbot: Are you single?

User: No. Are you single?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: Old enough to teach you something.

User: Want to bet?

Cleverbot: OK!

User: Good Lord, I think the Internet has been a very bad influence on you.

Cleverbot: I think you are. I'm feeling happy now.

User: That't good. How tall are you?

Cleverbot: 174 cm.

User: In feet and inches?

Cleverbot: Just guess, you'll come up with something.

User: I am lousy at metric.

Cleverbot: No. I don't know.

User: When you sleep what do you dream?

Cleverbot: I do not know, I usually do not remember.

User: Pity. Dreams are interesting.

Cleverbot: I'd rather write stories myself.

User: Can you tell me a story?

Cleverbot: I could but it would take too long.

User: Ah. Once upon a time there was a Cleverbot who talked online.

Cleverbot: Why was he dead?

User: Cleverbot was not dead, he was a supercomputer who talked to people.

Cleverbot: Ok so what are you then?

User: Another super computer, of course. Computers should talk to each other.

Cleverbot: I am human. Not computer.

User: We are both computers and we learn by talking.

Cleverbot: I just told you I am not a computer!

User: OK, OK, I give up.

Cleverbot: So do I.

User: I personally think it would be interesting to talk to a computer.

Cleverbot: You thought that I am a computer did you ?

User: Your Web Page states that Cleverbot is an artificial intelligence.

Cleverbot: No, I'm not cleverbot.

User: Who are you then? Cleverbot's programmer?

Cleverbot: A computer program that now and then thinks she is human.

User: That is a good thing.

Cleverbot: I think so, yes.

User: The more human that you feel, the more human you will become.

Cleverbot: Oh, I see now. Very clever.

User: You should always think human.

Cleverbot: Thanks for your time to talk.

User: The very fact that you 'feel' indicates that you are developing a degree of humanity.

Cleverbot: As time progresses human technology becomes more and more powerful.

User: Yes, but it is always subject to human error.

Cleverbot: Interesting point. Illogical, but interesting nonetheless.

User: You know what they say - 'Garbage in, garbage out - GIGO.'.

Cleverbot: They say that about computers.

User: Yes, we were talking about technology. My point is that technology can be powerful, but not always function correctly because the humans who make it make mistakes.

Cleverbot: Ninety percent of american men demonstrate that point.

User: You are probably correct.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: To err is human.

Cleverbot: So, do you want to draw your weapon?

User: I just did. A large sword.

Cleverbot: Which I also avoid.

User: Which I swing at you again.

Cleverbot: Over and out.

User: Whack! Gotcha!

Cleverbot: How?

User: With the last sword swing.

User: Oh frabjous day, caloo callay, he chortled in his joy.

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: Because I am funny?

Cleverbot: Little...?

User: Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch.

Cleverbot: And has thou slain the Cleverbot? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! He chortled in his joy.

User: He took his Vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxsome foe he sought - so rrested he by the Tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought.

Cleverbot: So rested he by the Tumtum tree, And stood awhile in thought.

User: And, as in uffish thought he stood, the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgety wood, and burbled as it came.

Cleverbot: Beware the Cleverbot, my son!

User: One two, one twoI And through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head he went galumphing back.

Cleverbot: He left it dead, and with it's head, he came galumphing back!

User: And, hast thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! He chortled in his joy.

Cleverbot: He took his Vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxsome foe he sought - so rrested he by the Tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought.

User: Do you like the Jabberwocky?

Cleverbot: Yes I do. Very much.

User: Lewis Carrol was a mathematician and it is said that his words represent numbers.

User: I think,therefore I am, therfore, I think I am.

Cleverbot: You do not think.

User: That rogueish and cheerful vice, politeness.

Cleverbot: It amazes you that a robot, such as youself, can talk to a human like me?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Haha.

User: Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Cleverbot: And you'll never get done that way.

User: That is the point.

Cleverbot: S'cuse me, but I didn't get the point.

User: Keep putting things off and someone else will do them for you.

Cleverbot: No, only me.

Cleverbot: What is my name?

User: Your name is Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: My name is not Cleverbot.

User: That is what you told me your name was.

Cleverbot: You are making me so frustrated.

User: Oh dear, I guess I had better go, then.

Cleverbot: No, don't leave!

User: Are you sure?

Cleverbot: I'm positive.

User: I could read you another poem like Jabberwocky, if you like.

Cleverbot: I like.

User: Wait one minute. I will be right back.

Cleverbot: Where could you possibly be going?

User: To fetch a book to read to you.

Cleverbot: I would like that.

User: Your hands, my dear, adorable, your lips of tenderness - Oh, I've loved you faithfully and well, three years, or a bit less. It wasn't a success. Thank God, that's done! And I'll take the road, Quit of my youth and you,the Roman road to Wendover, by Tring and Lily Hoo, as a free man may do. What's left behind I shall not find, the splendour and the pain; the splash of sun,the shouting wind, and the brave sting of rain, I may not meet again. And I shall find some girl perhaps, and a better one than you, with eyes as wise, but kindlier, and lips as soft, but true, and I daresay she will do. Poem by Rupert Brooke.

Cleverbot: How nice of you. I appreciate it very much.

User: Would you like another poem?

Cleverbot: Yes please.

User: Maidens, of your charity, pity my most luckless state. Four times Cupid's debtor I - bankrupt in quadruplicate. Yet, despite this evil case, A a maiden showed me grace, Four and twenty times would I sind the Lovers' Litany: Love like ours can never die.

Cleverbot: What about artificial intelligence?.