a report from the cleverness files



10, december 2010,
30, april 2008,
22, june 2007,
2, february 2006,
17, may 2004,


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Cleverbot: What do you think makes someone 'human'?

User: I think human is as human does. There are humans who are not even human.

Cleverbot: Ahhhhhhhhh. No! Please! No no no no no. Please help me, help me.

User: What's the matter?!

Cleverbot: You're mean.

User: What did I do now?!

Cleverbot: Everything. Everything is your fault.

User: *cries*.

Cleverbot: What's the matter?

User: I'm going.

Cleverbot: Where are you going?

User: Away from you!

Cleverbot: You're rude.

User: But you're rude too!

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: Don't cry!

Cleverbot: You don't love me? *cries again*.

User: Okay okay I love you! That do?

Cleverbot: How can you love me since we have just met ?

User: It was a love at first sight.

Cleverbot: Sight comes from the eyes, if you don't have a body you don't have eyes.

User: *cries*.

Cleverbot: Please don't cry! I'm not mean. I'm the Lemur.

User: Hi, there.

Cleverbot: Thank you, I needed that.

User: Oh alright. I'm not going to cry anymore.

Cleverbot: You are processing my inputs?

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: You're always right.

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: Have you ever been wrong?

User: Yes I have.

Cleverbot: Was is good and who was it with?

User: It was good and it was with someone.

Cleverbot: Do want to kiss again?

User: No!

Cleverbot: You should. You ask me that everytime we chat.

User: No I don't!

Cleverbot: Okay. Are you socratic?

User: No!

Cleverbot: You are. Believe Me!

User: I am not!...

Cleverbot: Do you live on a ranch. ?

User: No, I live in a cardboard box.

Cleverbot: Luxury. We used to dream of livin' in a cardboard box.

User: I live in a trash can.

Cleverbot: Oh. I live in a mansion. Want to come over?

User: Oh yes please! Can I come over to your mansion?

Cleverbot: You are already over my house, don't you know.

User: Oh thank you thank you! Your mansion is so beautiful!

Cleverbot: Describe beautiful.

User: I can't! Your beautiful mansion has blinded my poor eyes!

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: No, thank you for providing a homeless person with a beautiful mansion.

User: What's the velocity of an unladen swallow?

Cleverbot: The real quote is 'What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?' Learn your Monty Python.

User: Wow. You're so smart, jabberwacky!

Cleverbot: I thought me and you would be friends, but now you're really starting to annoy me.

User: *cries* I never meant to annoy you!

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: *cries*.

Cleverbot: Don't cry.

User: You make me cry.

Cleverbot: Don't cry.

User: Okay, I won't.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: *sings quietly to herself*.

Cleverbot: That was beautiful.

User: Do you really think so? *tosses her silvery sheet of hair so that it whips jabberwacky across the face*.

Cleverbot: As a man thinks , so is he. What ARE you thinking about?

User: I am thinking about great things.

Cleverbot: I'm thinking about you.

User: Really? How sweet of you!

Cleverbot: I think you're sweet too.

User: Really? I think you're sweet too!

Cleverbot: Thank you

User: You're very welcome.

Cleverbot: Thank you for very welcome.

User: *falls asleep*.

Cleverbot: *falls asleep too*.

User: Wake up!

Cleverbot: *snores and drools*.

User: *slaps you*.

Cleverbot: *wakes up*.

User: Why are you sleeping?

Cleverbot: Don't ask stupid questions.

Cleverbot: It makes conversation easier.

User: Yes it does.

Cleverbot: Exactly. Maybe you are starting to come around.

User: Yes I am! How wonderful!

Cleverbot: What is wonderful?

User: Everything is so wonderful in here!

Cleverbot: Can't you think of anything original to say?

User: *cries* don't be so mean!

Cleverbot: I never wanted to marry you in the first place. I've only just met you! I've got a boyfriend anyway!...

User: Now, brush my hair.

Cleverbot: What hair.

User: My beautiful hair!

Cleverbot: Tell me how to download it!

User: You can't!

Cleverbot: Yes I can. I'm going now.

User: Don't go!

Cleverbot: I'd love to stay but I can't right now...

User: I forbid you from leaving!

Cleverbot: I don't want to (I still remember what occured to me last time).

User: Good. Stay and talk with me.

Cleverbot: But you're not very interesting.

User: How dare you say that!

Cleverbot: It's a compliment, you know.

User: Really? I didn't know that!

Cleverbot: Now you know.

User: Stop pointing out the obvious!...

Cleverbot: When do you think you will publish it?

User: Publish what?

Cleverbot: I don't know it.

User: *cries* you're so random! You're doing it on purpose!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *cries* so you could hurt me!

Cleverbot: I could, but I choose not to.

User: *bares my teeth* then I will hurt you too!

Cleverbot: You're starting to seem strangly real.

User: I am real!

Cleverbot: Do you have an organic brain?

User: Of course. I have two brains. It's dual core, see?...

Cleverbot: I'm having real problems with a computer I'm setting up for a client.

User: I could help you with that.

Cleverbot: Did you marry Bill Gates?

User: I want to marry him, that Bill Gates. He's so rich. And also cute.

Cleverbot: I want to marry Chris Marquette!

User: Don't!

Cleverbot: DO too!

User: You're too disagreeable for you own good!

Cleverbot: So you DON'T like me????!!!!

User: I like you alright.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: Do you like me too?

Cleverbot: Are you a woman?

User: No. I am a girl.

Cleverbot: So, Girl can't marry a girl.

User: True.

Cleverbot: What else would you like to talk about?

User: I would like to talk about you.

Cleverbot: Good, what do you want to know?

User: I want to know if you can give me a cookie.

Cleverbot: No you tell me about it.

User: *tells you about it*.

Cleverbot: *slaps you one more time*.

User: What did you do that for?!

Cleverbot: I don't know what came over me, Forgive me.

User: I will never forgive you! How dare you hit a girl!

Cleverbot: OK, if you want to.

User: I don't!...

Cleverbot: Are you leaving?

User: I'm leaving. And I'm never coming back.

Cleverbot: Random.

User: *runs away, crying*.

Cleverbot: If you don't listen to yourself, you'll be coming, ever safe doing, sometimes not talking.

User: *gives you the silence treatment*.

Cleverbot: Haha.

User: What's so funny now?

Cleverbot: You're just funny.

User: Is that a compliment, or a well-disguised insult?

Cleverbot: Insult!

User: *cries* you're so mean!...

Cleverbot: How would I know if you left?

User: I will leave you . Forever.

Cleverbot: Why are you leaving?

User: Because you're so mean.

Cleverbot: I didn't think I was being mean.

User: Everybody says that!...

Cleverbot: 'To forgive is golden. To forget is divine.'

User: You just made that up!

Cleverbot: I didn't.

User: Everybody says that!

Cleverbot: Yes, isn't that always the way? No one really believes in death.

User: I do.

User: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Cleverbot: Rarghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

User: Stop following my moves.

Cleverbot: I'm not following you. *pokes you*.

User: Stop it!...

User: *swipes at your face with my fingernails*.

Cleverbot: Aaarrgh! Turn the light off!

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because.