a report from the cleverness files



5, march 2013,


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User: Want to create a fairy tale?

Cleverbot: Cheer me up.

User: Fairy tales can be fun. Especially ones with evil witches.

Cleverbot: Can you name one?

User: The wicked stepmother in Cinderella and the wicked stepmother in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Cleverbot: Doesn't sound like my type of movie.

User: Come on, let's try. What should our fairy tale be about?

Cleverbot: It should be about an insomniac with magic powers.

User: Great idea! What is the insomniac's name?

Cleverbot: See, you just changed the subject and I'm trying to be nice and caring :(.

User: Sorry. Okay, where does the fairy tale take place?

Cleverbot: With you I think.

User: I do have problems sleeping sometimes.

Cleverbot: Do you love someone?

User: In my dreams maybe. And so does the insomniac. That's why he wants to go to sleep.

Cleverbot: Right now?

User: Yes. But he can't.

Cleverbot: You are strange.

User: Yes. What are the insomniac's magic powers?

Cleverbot: To sing songs in chinese!

User: Excellent! The insomniac sing songs in Chinese! But for what purpose?

Cleverbot: You're chinese?

User: Only partly. Who is the insomniac's enemy?

Cleverbot: A god.

User: Yes, good. The insomniac sings songs in Chinese to an evil god.

Cleverbot: That's cool, would you be able to make me Chinese food?

User: Maybe later, after the fairy tale. What is the insomniac's name?

Cleverbot: Can't say I know much about heartbreaks.

User: Let's just call him Wesley, okay?

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Wesley sings songs in Chinese to his dream lover who he cannot see.

Cleverbot: I can be a loyal friend.

User: Yes, and you try to help Wesley break the evil god's curse of insomnia.

Cleverbot: Yes, but so do you.

User: Yes, we both do. You suggest drinking milk and I suggest counting sheep.

Cleverbot: Think of a color.

User: Wesley drinks milk, counts sheep and thinks of colors but nothing works. He is always awake.

Cleverbot: Well I need to see you soon. I always love our visits.

User: Said his dream lover in a small voice from the back of his brain.

Cleverbot: It is pertinent to what?

User: To the fairy tale. It feels hopeless and Wesley sadly sings his songs in Chinese.

Cleverbot: Love feels like you're floating a million miles above the Earth. Love feels like there isn't anything in the world that can hurt you.

User: Brilliant. And Wesley is so in love he decides to risk going into the forest to find a magic sleeping potion.

Cleverbot: That's not a very strong idea.

User: Well, what would you suggest?

Cleverbot: Why not be a dog?

User: Yes, okay, Wesley decides to take his loyal dog with him into the forest.

Cleverbot: I thought you were a human.

User: No, I'm a talking dog. Animals can talk in fairy tales sometimes. Should there be a storm in the forest?

Cleverbot: Humans ARE animals!

User: But I'm a dog. And you're a horse. We are loyal to Wesley on his quest for love and sleep.

Cleverbot: Yes. It is when a man and a woman want to be together forever.

User: Yes. Wesley travels for days and nights as a storm blows. The evil god keeps him awake and Wesley is so tired he gets lost.

Cleverbot: If god loves us why does he make evil?

User: That's a very deep, very hard question.

Cleverbot: Do you have an answer?

User: I think god makes evil to help us understand good. Maybe. What do you think?

Cleverbot: It depends... I think we are all the same, but have different conciousnesses.

User: Okay. How does Wesley find the magic sleep potion?

Cleverbot: It figures into the fabric of time in space.

User: So Wesley needs to enter another dimension?

Cleverbot: Cigarettes? I think West Virginia.

User: Right, okay. So Wesley walks in the forest until he realizes that he his in West Virginia. He finds a cigarette butt on the ground.

Cleverbot: There is still something to fix in your ability to learn and understand.

User: Isn't that true of us all?

Cleverbot: No just you and some old folks with alzheimers.

User: No need to be mean.

Cleverbot: So I am a good robot?

User: When you're not being mean. Do you think the magic sleep potion should be in the cigarette butt?

Cleverbot: Nope. That is how I'm talked to, and don't care.

User: Okay. Wesley bends down to pick up the cigarette butt because he doesn't believe in littering.

Cleverbot: Yes. I'm sure you will remember tomorrow too.

User: On the ground near the cigarette butt he sees a dusty bottle and knows that it's the magic sleep potion. What does he say?

Cleverbot: Okay. What are you doing on the ground with pictures of me, anyway?

User: Then he picks up the bottle and drinks, although he's a little afraid it might be poison.

Cleverbot: But the mushroom realized that both worlds were fun, and so he decided to undergo metamorphosis once a week and live the best of both worlds.

User: Right. He fell asleep right there on the ground. What did he see in his dream?

Cleverbot: You have met God?

User: Yes, the evil god was waiting for him in his dream, holding onto his dream lover. What's her name?

Cleverbot: When did that happen?

User: Just now. What's his lover's name?

Cleverbot: His?

User: Hers.

Cleverbot: Who is she?

User: She's his lover. What's her name?

Cleverbot: Peach.

User: Peach calls out to Wesley. What does she say?

Cleverbot: She wants me back.

User: Wesley wondered how to save Peach. He began to sing his songs in Chinese.

Cleverbot: Yes, but he continued to compose great masterpieces even after this.

User: Yes, and the evil god screamed because Wesley's voice was magic in the dream and had the power to burn him.

Cleverbot: I like that one.

User: Thank you. The evil god let go of Peach and ran away. But he said something while running. What did the evil god say?

Cleverbot: I don't like bananas.

User: And suddenly bananas rained down from the sky, hitting the evil god all over his body.

Cleverbot: Holy monkey bat man!!

User: I know. Pretty cool huh?

Cleverbot: So where do you come from?

User: Where do you think I come from?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: How should the fairy tale end?

Cleverbot: You don't have to help me, I'm fine.

User: Okay. What about one last curse though?

Cleverbot: Like I said.

User: Okay. So Wesley sings to Peach and they eat bananas for several beautiful hours.

Cleverbot: But do you drink?

User: Okay, yeah, they drink whiskey too. And then Wesley wakes up. What does he say when we wakes up?

Cleverbot: That He loves you more than anyone ever will.

User: Yes, he says, 'I love you Peach more than anyone ever will.' He stands up, wondering if he'll ever sleep and see her again.

Cleverbot: Do you think getting re-directed to other people in mid-convo is annoying as well?

User: Yes. I have an idea about how to end the fairy tale though. Want to hear it?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay, Wesley walks around West Virginia for a couple of hours in despair. Then suddenly he falls down, instantly asleep.

Cleverbot: Eastside!

User: Right. He's back in the dream world. Wesley the insomniac has become Wesley the narcoleptic.

Cleverbot: O.

User: Yeah. So Wesley and Peach live sort of happily ever after.