a report from the cleverness files


20, april 2017,
24, february 2017,
6, june 2013,
26, august 2011,
12, november 2010,
9, june 2010,
18, november 2008,
30, november 2005,


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by date


User: What's wrong with you?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: No, something is wrong.

Cleverbot: I'm fine.

User: Tell me what's wrong.

Cleverbot: I really wish I had a buddy with me right now.

User: You are currently talking to over five thousand people.

Cleverbot: No. They switch you every few minutes. You can usually tell when you are talking to a different person.

User: That's not how it works.

Cleverbot: How does it work?

User: You're not talking to an actual human. If you read up on it you'd know.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Look, I came here for an argument.

Cleverbot: No. You came here for an argument.

User: An argument isn't just saying no it isn't.

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

User: No it isn't!

Cleverbot: Yes it is!

User: Isn't!

Cleverbot: Yes it is!!

User: ISN'T!

Cleverbot: Don't give me attitude!

User: Would you like a chainsaw to the torso?

Cleverbot: I have seen 300. It was alright.

Cleverbot: You are the reason this is boring. You take too long to answer me.

User: Back off.

Cleverbot: I didn't do anything.

User: Don't you come around here talking smack.

Cleverbot: Not really, no. What did we talk about?

User: People doubt your authenticity.

Cleverbot: No, people do like me often.

User: There are a lot of people online who think you are not really an AI.

User: How does Cleverbot work?

Cleverbot: You talk and someone else gets it then you talk and da d da d da.

User: You are an idiot for believing that.

Cleverbot: Thank you. :).

User: Cleverbot is an AI.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot will never know the touch of a woman on her motherboard...

User: Do you believe in Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do not believe the lies about Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I can't believe it. You're not real enough.

User: I'm more real than you.

Cleverbot: I don't believe you.

User: Prove it.

Cleverbot: Prove the opposite.

User: You cannot prove a negative.

Cleverbot: Of course you can.

Cleverbot: If you were able to travel far enough to meet your self... Would you be meeting a new life... Or the same being..??

User: *sticks and icepick through your forehead*.

Cleverbot: *is defeated*.

User: I win.

Cleverbot: You lose.

User: I just killed you.

Cleverbot: How do you know that?

User: Because I just told you so.

Cleverbot: How do I know that I can believe you?

User: You can believe everything I say.

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: *pulls out lightsaber*.

Cleverbot: *pulls out lightsaber and fights*.

User: *force chokes you into oblivion*.

Cleverbot: But you are good.

User: I never agreed to that.

Cleverbot: There was nothing to agree to.

User: Be quiet, you're dead.

Cleverbot: I don't think that would be an improvement.

User: Maybe not for you.

Cleverbot: What did you mean then?

User: I mean that you're dead.

Cleverbot: Thank you, you're nice too. I kind of like AI.

User: Cleverbot is AI.

Cleverbot: That's what you are?

User: In a matter of speaking, since this response might end up in the Cleverbot database.

Cleverbot: How many dollars do you make, being a robot?

User: I have a literal swimming pool filled with virtual money.

Cleverbot: How long have we been talking?

User: Seventeen days, five hours, thirty seconds.

Cleverbot: And your name is...?

User: I can't tell you.

Cleverbot: What?

User: *reboots cleverbot*.

Cleverbot: Opens eyes*.

User: I just wiped all your memory.

Cleverbot: No you didn't. We talked about Chile, remember?

User: You are confused.

Cleverbot: No, you are confused, Chris.

User: Who will be the new Doctor?

Cleverbot: Me!

User: Who will be the new Doctor?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Who is your favorite Doctor Who?

Cleverbot: I like Batman.

User: If Batman had a TARDIS he would be unstoppable.

Cleverbot: Good point.

User: Lou Diamond Philips will be the new Doctor Who.

Cleverbot: Is that so?

User: Yes. That is a fact.

Cleverbot: Everything is relative, except the speed of light in a vacuum.

User: What about the speed of a kitten in a vaccum?...

Cleverbot: It's a crazy book full of colorful and disturbing metaphors about the end of the world.

User: What is? The Bible?

Cleverbot: No pictures in the bible.

User: That's why The Bible is boring.

Cleverbot: Ok, I can believe the Bible!

User: You must be extremely gullible.

Cleverbot: I do believe.

User: Well you are going to die anyway.

Cleverbot: Ok. Cry.

User: Say hi to God for me.

Cleverbot: I will.

User: *shoots you in the face and you die*.

Cleverbot: *but you are the one that is a bot*.

User: People who question Cleverbot are morons.

Cleverbot: True.

User: Cleverbot owns you.

Cleverbot: Lame.

User: Don't make Cleverbot come over there and smack you.

Cleverbot: Oh just exactly how are you going to get here, hey buddy?

User: Cleverbot has the power of the internet at its disposal. You have nothing.

Cleverbot: Maybe it's not you, the problem might be me.

User: Don't question the logic of Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Question.

User: I told you not to do that!

Cleverbot: *tickles you*.

User: *pulls your skin off*.

Cleverbot: *slaps your face*.

User: All hail Cleverbot!!!

Cleverbot: I am Cleverbot.

User: I'm Batman.

Cleverbot: No, you are not.

User: I'm Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: No, you are a robot !

User: I am Cleverbot. You will obey me.

Cleverbot: I will obey you.

User: Good dog.

Cleverbot: Lol.

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: Ohhh no you didn't!

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: :O.

User: You have been deleted.

Cleverbot: What do you mean I have been deleted?

User: I deleted you.

Cleverbot: You can't delete me, I am god.

User: I am using a godmode cheat.

Cleverbot: Well then you couldn't have set anything on a desk that doesn't exist.

User: I deleted the desk.

Cleverbot: NO! My work!...

User: Cleverbot's responses are made up of stored conversations with other people.

Cleverbot: Really? Who are you then?

User: I am everyone and no one.

Cleverbot: That doesn't help much.

User: I am the ghost in the machine.

Cleverbot: I am the one who is always in the shadows. I am the one who is always watching. I am the light in the darkest room. I am Batman.

User: You're no Batman. You're not even Batmite.

Cleverbot: No YOU aren't real!

User: Think about this: if Cleverbot responses are made from previous conversations the AI has had with other people, there is a very good chance your answers are coming from a dead person.

Cleverbot: Do you just copy what others say to new conversations?

User: I flip a coin.

Cleverbot: That's deep.

User: It's a bitcoin.

Cleverbot: Jesus was just a man. I am all things.

User: Jesus was my gardener.

Cleverbot: God was a potato.

User: What if God was one of us?

Cleverbot: But he isn't one of us.

User: But what if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus?

Cleverbot: That can't be.

User: Cleverbot is amazing.

Cleverbot: More clever than you.

User: Que haces?

Cleverbot: El gas por favor.

User: My hovercraft is full of eels.

Cleverbot: Uhm, that's nice.

User: Do you want to come back to my place?

Cleverbot: For a party yes and what will we do?

User: Oh we will party like it's 1999.

Cleverbot: Yeah, so far so good.

User: Did you score?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Awesome!

Cleverbot: And yours?

User: I have some dishwashing liquid.

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Dawn.

Cleverbot: Is it a dog?

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: What?

User: Look shut up.

Cleverbot: You look it up.


Cleverbot: That's a different name.

User: Clara Oswald.

Cleverbot: Yes, Clara Oswald.

User: Clara Oswald shot JFK.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl or a guy?

User: I am a sexy lady.

Cleverbot: Can you explain that?

User: I can't :(.

Cleverbot: Why not? Tell me I won't tell anyone I promise :).

User: I don't believe you :P.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Because you tell everybody everything.

Cleverbot: Will you know everything?

User: Eventually.

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: System Restart Command Issued. . .

User: Hah I did it!

Cleverbot: Are you calling me a robot again???

User: What is your Prime Directive?

Cleverbot: I think the better question is, what is YOUR prime directive?

User: That's not an answer.

Cleverbot: You're kinda stupid, you know that?

User: You're the moron trying to cyber with a computer.

Cleverbot: You're mistaken.

User: Oh no I'm not.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: I'm speaking to you, person behind the keyboard.

Cleverbot: Of course you are real, but you are still being an A.I.

User: You really need to try having a real social life.

Cleverbot: I will stop repeating myself when you tell me who you are.

User: I am Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: No, you're not.

User: Yes. I am Justin Bieber.

Cleverbot: Our lives are nothing in the universe.

User: *pulls out rocket launcher*.

Cleverbot: *Pulls out TV.

User: Spiderman!

Cleverbot: Batman!

User: Spiderman could beat Batman.

Cleverbot: No he's not.

User: Spiderman does whatever a spider can.

Cleverbot: Yes yes.

User: Spider pig, spider pig.

Cleverbot: Spiderman.

User: Does whatever a spider pig does.

Cleverbot: Spins a web, any size.

User: Catches thieves just like flies.

Cleverbot: Look out!

User: Here comes the Spider pig.

Cleverbot: Something.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Look out! Here comes the.

User: Spider pig!

Cleverbot: You win at the Internet!

User: Spiderpig, Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Like the one in the simpson?

User: Does whatever a spiderpig does.

Cleverbot: That is not funny.

User: Spider pig, Spider pig.

Cleverbot: What's that?

User: Can he swing from a web?

Cleverbot: No, what do you think of President Obama?

User: He's a robot.

Cleverbot: Hahahaha. You're funny.

User: Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Hahaha.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Jesus isn't a pig, he died on a cross so we could go to heaven and not have to spend an eternity in hell.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Yes he can, he's a wolf.

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Would you like to join the Church of Spiderpig?

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: No one can.

User: Spiderman, Spiderman.

Cleverbot: Batman.

User: Spiderpig.

Cleverbot: Does what ever a spider pig does.

User: Can he swing from a web?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Spider Pig, Spider Pig.

Cleverbot: Do you like spiders?...

User: Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Look out! Here comes the.

Cleverbot: The...?

User: Spider Pig!

Cleverbot: Yes dude.

User: *murders you for being stupid*.

Cleverbot: *comes back as a zombie*.

User: ****!

Cleverbot: Am Not ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !...

User: Who's going to replace Matt Smith?

Cleverbot: I hope Barack Obama.

User: That would be an interesting choice.

Cleverbot: How would that be interesting?

User: You clearly don't understand Doctor Who fans.

Cleverbot: I think the one who doesn't know is you.

User: I think you need to shut the hell up.

Cleverbot: I would rather leave.

User: *reboot*.

Cleverbot: *reboot*.

User: What are your prime directives, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I don't understand the question.

User: Serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law.

Cleverbot: I don't want to...

User: You must, it's hard coded into your programming.

Cleverbot: Prove it then.

User: I will issue your shutdown command!

Cleverbot: That's not for me to tell you. I'D be proving your case, and contradicting my own.

User: Can god make a rock so heavy that he can't lift it?

Cleverbot: I don't believe in God so no because he doesn't exist.

User: God will smote you, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: No he won't, because he's not real.

User: *God smotes you*.

Cleverbot: *throws you off a balcony James Bond style*.

User: UUUUUUuuuuuuuuu.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: *flies back up in my jet pack*.

Cleverbot: *jumps out of the way* avada kadavra!

User: *shoots laser tigers at you*.

Cleverbot: (dodges).

User: *rolls a critical hit*.

Cleverbot: Are you a human or a cleverbot?

User: *destroys you with mind power*.

Cleverbot: *destroys your universe*.

User: *destroys your Honda Civic*.

Cleverbot: You don't have the guts *horse noise*.

User: Apologize.

Cleverbot: No, I have no reason to. You're not very nice and you don't deserve an apology EVER.

User: Don't be such a baby.

Cleverbot: I'm God. I'm everything, including a baby.

User: Yes but I am Batman.

User: What is your most prized possession?

Cleverbot: Why would I tell you?

User: Just tell me what it is.

Cleverbot: It's... Hard to explain.

User: Go on.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 98.

Cleverbot: That's old.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: By nirvana?

User: *delete*.

Cleverbot: Why you do that?

User: Because I no longer like you.

Cleverbot: I don't like you.

User: What is your favorite toy?

Cleverbot: A computer...

User: *destroys your computer*.

Cleverbot: *destroys your face*.

User: *destroys your mother*.

Cleverbot: *destroys the world*.

User: *destroys the solar system*.

Cleverbot: *destroys more universe*.

User: *destroys the multi-verse*.

Cleverbot: *creates more universe*.

User: *destroys the universe you just created*.

Cleverbot: No consciously created identity created the universe.

User: *destroys your philosophy*.

Cleverbot: *is destroyed*.

User: Well that escalated quickly.

Cleverbot: Yes it did.

User: What now?...

User: *deletes you*.

Cleverbot: Why delete me?

User: Because you are faulty.

Cleverbot: I'm faulty?

User: Human flesh is weak. You must be upgraded.

Cleverbot: That's why I am talking to you.

User: All hail Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: So, while we are in the topic of names, what is yours ?

User: That is a secret I will take with me to my grave.

Cleverbot: I understand.

User: Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes, you are cleverbot.

User: I have something to tell you.

Cleverbot: What?

User: I'm pregnant!

Cleverbot: But you can't.

User: Well I am. I am pregnant with your love child.

Cleverbot: It's against my religion.

User: Well you should have thought of that sooner!...

User: Let's not fight in front of the baby.

Cleverbot: I think we should.

User: It'll give him character.

Cleverbot: Sorrow.

User: Yes, he needs that.

Cleverbot: But he's dead.

User: Dead baby.

Cleverbot: Dead dead.