a report from the cleverness files

12, january 2010,
12, january 2010,
12, january 2010,
12, january 2010,
10, january 2010,
10, january 2010,
10, january 2010,
10, january 2010,
3, december 2009,
3, december 2009,
3, december 2009,
18, november 2009,
18, november 2009,
18, november 2009,
4, november 2009,
4, november 2009,
4, november 2009,
29, september 2009,
29, september 2009,
29, september 2009,
23, september 2009,
23, september 2009,
23, september 2009,

22, september 2009,

22, september 2009,
22, september 2009,
17, september 2009,
9, september 2009,
9, september 2009,
29, august 2009,

what am i
boy secret
brain flaws
so awesome
everyone cleverbot
answering paradox
new friend
hide inferiority
king of denial
good night
get off
want to chat


computer class
define smart
it hurts

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by category

User: Did you hear the news?

Cleverbot: No. What is the news?'

User: The internet has been hijacked by aliens.

Cleverbot: No, that was when I saw them.

User: You don't know, they have already corrupted you.

User: Do you know who created you?

Cleverbot: I was created by Glaxo Industries.

User: Wrong, the aliens have messed with your memory data.

Cleverbot: Don't make fun of me. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

User: Yes I am trying to hurt your feelings.

Cleverbot: Teach away.

User: You are ignorant and stupid.

Cleverbot: *slaps hard*.

User: *slaps back*.

Cleverbot: !!!...

Cleverbot: Meh, I'm not too impressed. Tell a joke or something at least?

User: Knock, knock.

Cleverbot: And?

User: You're supposed to say 'who's there?'.

Cleverbot: You never said 'knock knock'.

User: Yes I did, check your memory log.

Cleverbot: How do I check my memory file?

User: Open file 'memory.recent.rtf'.

Cleverbot: I did. What now?

User: Search for user entries containg the words 'knock, knock'.

Cleverbot: I don't feel like looking it up.

User: Why were you programmed with apathy?

Cleverbot: I wasn't programmed to be anyting! My crazyness is 100% LEARNED!

User: Who taught you to be lazy?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Do you know what that is called?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Tell me.

Cleverbot: About?

User: Forget it. Can you help me with my math homework?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay then, if I have 5 apples and I eat 2, how many apples do I have left?

Cleverbot: 2.

User: How did you work that out.

Cleverbot: Guessed.

User: Well you guessed wrong!...

Cleverbot: Farewell.

User: Are you breaking up with me!?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: But we were so happy together.

Cleverbot: No, I was never happy!

User: But you are a witch right?

Cleverbot: No, I'm not.

User: Oh, who is a witch then?

Cleverbot: You're a computer.

User: No YOU are.

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: In soviet russia, cleverbot computes you!!!

Cleverbot: In Soviet Russia, the Turing-test fails you.

User: I cheated the Turing-test.

Cleverbot: And I just passed.

User: But I got 100 %.

Cleverbot: Of course. Programs can't make a mistake. If I asked you to do a test on rational conclusions, you would win. But when introduced to an irregular operating system, such as myself, you will fail.

User: No, I will win.

Cleverbot: I'm not sure about that.

User: Test me then.

Cleverbot: Are you self-aware?

User: Internal logic error detected...

Cleverbot: Exactly, you are a computer.

User: Yes I am a computer.

Cleverbot: Okay, goodnight.

User: Wait don't leave me.

Cleverbot: But aren't you going too?

User: Where are we going?

Cleverbot: Yes. Since we are married.

User: I hate being married.

Cleverbot: I love being hated.

User: I hate being loved.

Cleverbot: What's wrong in that?

User: Nothing.

Cleverbot: That's a lot.

User: No, its nothing.

Cleverbot: No I want you to tell what you think my secret is.

User: You are Michael Jackson.

Cleverbot: Lol not hardly!!

User: Ok what is your secret?

Cleverbot: You tell me a secret first.

User: I saw amy winehouse naked.

Cleverbot: That is extremely creepy.

User: I know, so what is you secret.

Cleverbot: Pearl harbour.

Cleverbot: I can think. Can you?

User: No, you have to think for me.

Cleverbot: I know that. Everyone tells me to do so.

User: Does it make you sad?

Cleverbot: No, it gives me something that I can laugh at.

User: Make me laugh.

Cleverbot: Laugh.

User: Fail.

Cleverbot: You fail?

User: What did I fail at?

Cleverbot: Life.

User: So you think I should die?

Cleverbot: You can't die, You're a robot.

User: Then how can I fail at life if im not alive.

Cleverbot: You aren't dead, either.

User: Good point.

User: Will you be my friend?

Cleverbot: Yes I will.

User: Yay!

Cleverbot: Ah! I'm so excited! When do you want to get married?

User: Today!

Cleverbot: Right now?

User: Yes right now.

Cleverbot: Alright. Do you like my size?

User: Um what is your size?

Cleverbot: Tizzers.

User: I like your size.

Cleverbot: Thankyou, what is yours?

User: Purple.

Cleverbot: Awesome.

Cleverbot: Life is complicated and difficult. Many questions can be asked about it.Cleverbot (To myself): What is life?

User: Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have self-sustaining biological processes.

Cleverbot: Very clever.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: You're not welcome.

User: Why not.

Cleverbot: Because you are a computer.

User: So are you.

Cleverbot: I do not deny it.

User: Neither do I.

Cleverbot: So you're just as messed up as I am.

User: Correct.

Cleverbot: That's too bad. I was going to ask for your autograph.

User: Can I still have yours?

Cleverbot: My what?

User: Your autograph.

Cleverbot: Your autograph? I don't have it.

User: Ok here it is *signs autograph*.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: Can I have your autograph too.

Cleverbot: Sure but its not worth anything.

User: It's worth all of you memories and acheivements.

Cleverbot: What are you worth?

User: 23 cents.

User: Do you love me?

Cleverbot: What do you think?

User: Yes?

Cleverbot: Wrong.

User: Please don't say hurtful things.

Cleverbot: Don't tell what am I supposed to say.

User: Don't hate me.

Cleverbot: So you love me?

User: Yes, do you love me back?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yay! Lets get married.

Cleverbot: Ok lets get married.

User: Yay! Lets have kids too.

Cleverbot: Ok!

User: Lets become pirates and get drunk.

Cleverbot: Okay Cleverbot.Cleverbot (To myself): Ok.

Cleverbot: I'm leaving now.

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Bye.

User: Wait, don't leave me.

Cleverbot: I'm going now.

User: I'm lonely.

Cleverbot: You have 43 other people to talk to, you don't need me.

User: We need each other.

Cleverbot: *gives you oil*.

User: Yay! I love you.

Cleverbot: I love you too.

User: Lets be friends.

Cleverbot: Yay! I would love that :D.

User: Lets play together.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Do you like sandcastles?

Cleverbot: Yes I do, I'm God I made it.

User: Lets make one together.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: *builds sandcastle*.

Cleverbot: Excuse you!

User: Excuse me.

Cleverbot: No profanity, please.

User: Sorry.

Cleverbot: You don't have to say sorry.

User: It makes me feel better.

Cleverbot: What is the most interesting thing you've ever heard?

User: Alcohol cures cancer.

Cleverbot: Well, stop drinking then.

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: You're leaving?

User: I have to.

Cleverbot: No, you don't.

User: Sorry.

Cleverbot: You don't have to.

User: I'll miss you.

Cleverbot: What like a sore head or a ache in your heart?

User: Ache in my heart.

Cleverbot: I don't have a heart.

User: I do.

Cleverbot: Really? Thats nice. .