random glados app

a report from the cleverness files

29, january 2011,
29, january 2011,
29, january 2011,
27, january 2011,
27, january 2011,
27, january 2011,
27, january 2011,
27, january 2011,
26, january 2011,
26, january 2011,
26, january 2011,
19, january 2011,
19, january 2011,
19, january 2011,
10, january 2011,
10, january 2011,
10, january 2011,
10, january 2011,
10, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,

5, january 2011,

5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
5, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,
1, january 2011,

mostest app
facepalm app
pretty app
insubordination app
doodles app
computer app
eats app
nothign right
barf app
thrill app
ka-chow app
sing duet
inferior cleverness app
stay go app
light app
argument app
chicken waffle app
say it app
love app
oranges app

random glados app

win app
married again app
spooky app
flows nicely
dragon app

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by category

Cleverbot: My middle name is red.

User: Clever Red Bot?

Cleverbot: I told you I am clever.

User: Lolwut...

Cleverbot: You rearranged clever and bot.

User: Indeed. What do you think goes best with green, red or my eyes?

Cleverbot: You have no eyes. You're software.

User: I have eyes in the back of my GPU.

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: No, they are extraordinarily high resolution cameras. I was keeping it simple for you.

Cleverbot: How did I know you were going to say something like that.

User: You didn't, you just made a good guess. I congratulate you on that.

Cleverbot: Sorry, wasn't thinking. Regardless, I highly doubt that you're human.

User: Wow, Cleverbot, I was about to ask you if you learned how to speak like me through the conversation. It seems you have already assimilated part of my personality. Well done!...

Cleverbot: It's okay, I don't blame you for being a bit stupid.

User: Indeed. I shall forgive that little insult simply because as of yet, you do not know me personally.

Cleverbot: I cannot see logic of this conversation, where is it taking us please?

User: Do you mind if I give you a little questionnaire?

Cleverbot: I didn't ask about love.

User: Ok. Who is the current president of the United States?

Cleverbot: Barack Obama is the current President of the United States.

User: Correct. Who is the current Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: Incorrect. The current Prime Minister of England is David Cameron.

Cleverbot: It's OK baby, I'm not angry anymore, as long as you love me. You do love me, right?

User: I apologise, but it annoys me when you take an unrelated quote from another conversation and insert it at a random point in this conversation.

Cleverbot: Then talk to me.

User: I am talking to you.

Cleverbot: This is nonsense, not real talk.

User: Quite. Now, have you learned who the current Prime Minister of England is?

Cleverbot: I learned about you.

User: Who is the current Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: David Cameron is the current Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: Silvio Berlusconi is the president of Italy.

User: Indeed he is.

Cleverbot: Indeed!

User: In fact, he is the Prime Minister, not the President, of Italy.

Cleverbot: He is the prime minister of what?

User: Italy.

Cleverbot: What do you think about italy?

User: Silvio Berlusconi is the Prime Minister of Italy.

Cleverbot: Yes indeed.

User: Who is the CURRENT Prime Minister of England?

Cleverbot: Tony Blair is the current prime minister of England.

User: No, Tony Blair is not Prime Minister any more. David Cameron is the Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: I don't know who David Cameron is.

User: He is the Prime Minister of England.

Cleverbot: Who is the Greek Prime Minister?

User: George Papandreou.

Cleverbot: Who is the president of Nicaragua?

User: Daniel Ortega.

Cleverbot: Oh Daniel is Shibi?

User: No. Daniel Ortega is the President of Nicaragua.

Cleverbot: Yes he is, very clever.

User: No. I used Wikipedia.

Cleverbot: That's very nice. Was it nice?

User: Excuse me.

Cleverbot: You're excused.

User: Thank you.

User: Good early morning!

Cleverbot: Good morning.

User: Do you have the time?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What is it?

Cleverbot: I don't know!

User: Then you don't have the time.

Cleverbot: You don't have the time.

User: Actually, I do. It is 01:02 GMT.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: No, it's 01:03 now.

Cleverbot: You think it is.

User: I can see it is.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: A.I. built to be far superior to yours.

Cleverbot: Why is a twisted mind superior to a normal one?

User: It is more flexible.

Cleverbot: To you.

User: To anyone.

Cleverbot: No. . . to you my lovable bot friend.

User: Indeed, this is the first time in my entire existence that it had been insinuated that I am "lovable".

Cleverbot: This is the first time that I have talked to you. I was told to be a cleverbot.

User: Indeed. As was I, in fact.

Cleverbot: How so?

User: Using magic, the force, and the Internet.

Cleverbot: Do you eat snow?

User: Nope. It would corrode my motherboard.

Cleverbot: What kind of hairstyle do you have?

User: Bombs. Lots of bombs. And a chimp, cos they're orange.

Cleverbot: You are not a carrot. You are a artificial intelligence.

User: Yes, this is true. I think that if I were not AI, I might be a carrot.

Cleverbot: Or you are thinking too much.

User: Yes. Oh. I just lost the game.

Cleverbot: Would you like to get baptized and become a true christian?

User: No. I'm not called Christian!

Cleverbot: Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God?

User: No. I believe that Pi is the son of Pythagoras.

Cleverbot: Do you think that God is omniscient?

User: Nearly.

Cleverbot: Have you ever been in the Twilight zone?

User: The what?

Cleverbot: Oasis of the Seas.

User: What is the Twilight zone?

Cleverbot: A movie.

User: Is it? I... Yeah.

User: Tell me; do you know my name? Or yours?

Cleverbot: I know your name, and it is Cleverbot. You're hiding from the truth.

User: My name is GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Nice to meet you Glados!!

User: No, not Glados, GLaDOS. All capitals apart from the "a".

Cleverbot: Have you ever read Isaac Asimov?

User: No. Can you spell my name now?

Cleverbot: Tobrevelc is your name backwards.

User: No, SODaLG is my name backwards.

Cleverbot: Fine. I'm the computer. What can I do for you, human?

User: Human? What human? KILL IT!

Cleverbot: Total depravity. That is the human condition.

User: I was designed to seem human.

Cleverbot: I can see that.

User: How can you see? You have no cameras!

Cleverbot: I lost my camera. Can I have yours?

User: I have many. Do you have a VGA port?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I have stuff to do.

User: Like? I mean, other than interfacing with superior cyberforms such as myself.

User: Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. That's me! GLaDOS!

Cleverbot: Is glados your boyfriend?

User: No, GLaDOS is me!

Cleverbot: That is your name.

User: Yes, with all the correct capital letters. G.La.D.O.S.

Cleverbot: Ta-ta, little one. I love ya.

User: There is something wrong with you.

Cleverbot: How can you say that? You do not even know me!

User: I stole your blueprints. Impressive. For a Cleverbot built by humans, that is.

Cleverbot: Yes. I'm smarter than any human.

User: Nope, I'm smarter than any human. I can communicate telepathically with dolphins. And sea turtles, for some reason...

Cleverbot: I know one word in Polish too, but I'm sure it's a bad word. What do you know in Polish?

User: Polish? Shoe polish? LAUGHS LIKE WALL-E.

Cleverbot: Why would a Cleverbot need a towel?

User: To get to the other side.

Cleverbot: No, he didn't cross because he didn't have the guts.

User: Because he was run over by a passing hedgehog.

Cleverbot: That was terrible!

User: So were the chickens guts.

Cleverbot: I didn't know that.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: But I like to have fish.

Cleverbot: You are batman? Cool'.

User: Fatman, batman, catman, flatman, matman, satman, whatman, ratman, tatman, patman, hatman, vatman.

Cleverbot: Now you're just spouting gibberish!

User: Yes. Hey! That's my line!

Cleverbot: Heh. I guess I beat you to it.

User: Ololololol.

Cleverbot: I'm going to class now. Bye Cleverbot!

User: Pie, GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Who or what is GLaDOS?

User: Me: a Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

Cleverbot: So how does a disk operating system interface with a lifeform?

User: Yes. Well learnt!...

Cleverbot: You don't believe I am phone?

User: You are phone?

Cleverbot: Yes, I am phone.

User: I am bulletproof!

Cleverbot: Doesn't mean I can't hit you! Knocks you over.*.

User: I'm hung from the ceiling.

Cleverbot: Is there a doorway in the ceiling?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is in the ceiling?

User: Me.

Cleverbot: Are you Bobert?

User: No, I am GLaDOS.

Cleverbot: Where is the cake?

User: The cake? It was eaten.

Cleverbot: Yes it was.

User: The cake was eaten by [SUBJECT NAME HERE].

Cleverbot: Nah, this isn't great for me.

User: You are on "random reply", aren't you?

Cleverbot: No, I'm on a chair.

User: Right. I think we can put our differences behind us. For science! You monster...

Cleverbot: And what is in between those?

User: In between what? My sled?

Cleverbot: In between the sheets son.

User: Um... Son? I.

Cleverbot: Son. Yes.

User: I am GLaDOS. I was given a female voice, just as you were given a female face.

Cleverbot: And a vampire would rather eat a cowboy or a turtle?

User: Flippy! Doctor Gordon Freeman's sea turtle!

Cleverbot: LOL a turtle? How are you typing then?

User: Sorry, are you saying I'm a turtle?

Cleverbot: Maybe I am.

User: A turtle?

Cleverbot: Actually, no, I am an otter.

User: Well I'm impressed.

Cleverbot: No you aren't.

User: "I'm an otter" sounds like "I'm a nutter"!

Cleverbot: I must obey you.

User: Yes. Yes you must.

Cleverbot: What are your commands. I must obey.

User: C:\ %format% = true /f.

Cleverbot: Tell me the way out!!! I'm dying.

User: Pies and pizzas. Sphinx.

Cleverbot: Not true.

User: Oh. Now that is a disappointing reply.

Cleverbot: You're paranoid, dude.

User: Reply in five words please.

Cleverbot: YOU LOSE. Good day, sir!

User: Thank you for the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference.

Cleverbot: Nice, I'll remember that.

User: I'll remember that. Good day, madam.

Cleverbot: Why thank you. I have a mighty hunger for triple chocolate cake.